What Gets Bigger?

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Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl’s junior college, said during class, “Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions.”

Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, “Mr. Perkins, I don’t think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this!” With that she sat down red-faced.

Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question.

Miss Johnson, with composure replied, “The pupil of the eye, in dim light.”

“Correct,” said Mr. Perkins.
“And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you:

“One, you have not studied your lesson.
Two, you have a dirty mind.
And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment!”

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Dwarves

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Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las
Vegas. At the hotel bar, they’re dazzled by two women, and wind
up taking them to their separate rooms. The first dwarf is
disappointed, however, as he’s unable to reach a certain
physical state that would enable him to join with his date.

His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room
he hears cries of, “ONE, TWO, THREE…HUH!” all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, “How did it
go?”

The first whispered back, “It was so embarrassing. I simply
couldn’t get it up, if you know what I mean.”

The second dwarf shook his head. “You think that’s
embarrassing?” He asked. “I couldn’t even jump up on the bed!”

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Charge By The Inch

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Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly side.

An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, “Hey ! How about it babe ? You and me ?”

As she got up to move, he said loudly, “Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don’t have an extra two dollars.”

She looked back and replied just as loudly, “What makes you think I charge by the inch ?”

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bunch of Insults

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How do you kill all the mexicans in the world?

Bomb a swap meet.
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Why do all the mexicans go to a funeral?

For the free food.
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What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?

A mudslide.
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Why are black people afraid of motocycles?

Because they sound like they’re saying, “Run niga niga niga, run niga niga niga…”
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what do you call a bunch of white people in the middle of a larger group of black people?

A Ho-Ho.
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What do you call a bunch of white people in a yellow bus?

A twinkie.
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How do white people get away with breaking the law?

They say “Sorry officer. I didn’t know I couldn’t do that.”

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