what do you call a crazy person who is obsessed with the moon?
a lunar-tic
races
Two mexicans walk into a drug store (walgreens) and they are passing by the condoms section and one asked the other what this 6 pack of condoms was for and he says,”thats for us Mexicans” one for monday, one for tuesday,one for wednesday, one for thursday, one for friday, one for saturday, and never on sunday. He does the sign of the cross.Then there walking along again and then he sees an 8 pack and he asks him what that was for and he says thats for the black people ” one for monday, one for tuesday,one for wednesday, one for thursday, one for friday, one for saturday,and twice on sunday.Then they walk along again and one mexican sees a 12 and aked what that was for and the mexican says thats for the white people one for january, one for february,one for march………
Texan Heimlich Maneuver
Two Texans were having the Blue Plate Special at their favorite truck stop when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady, sitting a few bar stools down from them, turning blue from the Armadillo burger she ate too fast.
The first Texan said to the other, “Think we oughtta help?”
“Yep, reckon so”, says the second.
The first Texan gets up, walks over to the lady and asks, “Can you breathe?”
She shakes her head, “no”.
“Can you speak?” he then asks.
She shakes her head, “no”, again.
With that, he helps her to her feet, lifts up her skirt, and starts to lick her on the butt.
She is so shocked, she coughs up the obstruction and begins to breathe again, with great relief.
The first Texan turns back to his friend and says with a smile, “Funny how that Hind Lick Maneuver works every time!”
The Farmer’s Daughters
There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very
concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them.
As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening
all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this
had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door
holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the
young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door
and the lad said, “Hi, my name’s Joe, I’m here for Flow. We’re going to the
show, is she ready to go?” The father looked him over and sent the kids on their
way.
The next lad arrived and said, “My name’s Eddie, I’m here for Betty,
we’re going to get some spaghetti, is she ready?” Father felt this one was okay
too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started
off, “Hi, my name’s Chuck� –” and the farmer shot him.
Angle of arrival
Clinton is declaring a new National Bird
Yo mamma is….
Argument
Un hombre fue a ver
Un hombre fue a ver a su doctor para consultarlo sobre la falta de apetito sexual de su mujer. El doctor le dio una botella de p�ldoras y le dijo: “Antes de que su esposa de duerma, dele un vaso de leche con dos de estas p�ldoras y ver� c�mo se pone…”
Esa noche, el tipo hace lo que el doctor le recomend�, pero piensa: “Por qu� ha de tener ella sola toda la diversi�n”, y se toma el resto de las p�ldoras.
Despu�s de media hora los dos se duermen. De pronto, la mujer se levanta en la cama, golpea a su marido y dice, “�Querido, querido, lev�ntate! �Necesito un hombre ahora mismo!”
El marido se sienta en la cama y grita, “�Yo tambi�n, yo tambi�n!”
A Bar
The Top 15 Favorite Movies of Substance Abusers (Part I)
15> Waiting Really, Really Long to Exhale
14> Prescription: Impossible
13> Being Robert Downey, Jr.
12> Cheech and Chong’s “Saving Private Ryan”
11> Bridget Jones’s Darvocet
10> Good Pill Hunting
9> Schindler’s Spliff
8> Look Who’s Toking
7> A Reefer Runs Through It
6> From Busta to Nelly
5> The Road to El Doritos
4> Peyote Ugly
3> Finding Primo
2> Bender Like Belushi
1> Tootski
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]