Yours Fun Portal !
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his
dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my
eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”
“Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out
of five.”
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy’s, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said. ‘I’d like to buy a bra for my wife”What type of bra?’ asked the clerk.’Type?’ inquires the man ‘There is more than one type?”Look Around,’ said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material.’Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras,’ replied the salesclerk.Confused, the man asked what were the types.The saleslady replied ‘The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?’Still confused the man asked ‘What is the difference between them?’The lady responded ‘It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.
A blonde walks into a second hand shop and looks at the clerk and says how much do you want for that television up there, in reply the clerk says we do not sell televisions to blondes.
The blonde leaves the store and goes to the local hair stylist and dyes her hair red and returns to the shop and asks how much they want for the television, again in reply the clerk says we do not sell televisions to blondes.
Angry the blonde leaves the store and this time colors her hair brunette and returns to the store asking how much they want for the television and the clerk again says we do not sell televisions to blondes.
The blonde then says how did you know it was me all along and in reply the clerk says,
“Thats a microwave not a television”
An Irishman who had a little to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.”So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?””Why, I’ve been to the pub of course” slurs the drunk. “Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening”.”I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.”Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?” “Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”
A doctor started having an affair with his nurse. Shortly after this started, she announced that she had become pregnant. Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave her a large amount of money and asked her to go out of the country, to Germany, to wait out the pregnancy and have the baby over there. ‘But, how will you know when our baby is born?’ she asked. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘after you’ve had the baby, just send me a postcard and write ‘sauerkraut’ on the back.’ Not knowing what else to do, she took the money and went off to Germany. Six months went by and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at his office. ‘Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today,’ she explained. ‘I don’t understand what it means!’ ‘Just wait until I get home and I’ll read it,’ he replied. Later that evening, the doctor came home and read his postcard, which said: ‘Sauerkraut, Sauerkraut, Sauerkraut: Two with wieners, One without!’
There was a guy walking down the street and he bumped into an old
buddy, Steve. Mark (the first guy) and Steve get talking and Mark asks Steve
what he’s been up to.
“I’m going to university,” says Steve.
“Oh, really. What are you taking?” asks Mark.
“Philosophy,” he says.
“What kind of philosophy?”
“Logic, actually,” says Steve.
“What’s logic?” asks Mark.
“Well, it’s kind of like this — have you got a fishbowl, Mark?”
“Yeah, I do as a matter of fact.”
“Well, if you’ve got a fish bowl, you probably like fish, don’t you.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“And if you like fish, chances are you probably like animals, right?”
“Yeah, I love animals.”
“Well, if you love animals, I’d say there was a probability that you
like people as well.”
“Yeah, I do. I like people.”
“And if you like people, I’ll bet you like women.”
“That’s for sure!”
“And, Mark, if you like women I’d be willing to bet that you like sex.”
“Geez, Steve, I love sex.”
“Well that’s the way it works, Mark — that’s logic.”
“Wow, that’s great,” says Mark.
At the end of their conversation, Steve had to run and Mark continued
on his way down Richmond Street, only to bump into another friend, Paul.
They get talking and Mark tells Paul he ran into Steve only minutes
earlier.
“Oh, really. What’s he up to these days?” asks Paul.
“He’s at university,” says Mark.
“What’s he taking?” asks Paul.
“Logic,” says Mark.
“What’s logic?” asks Paul.
“Well, let me see — it’s sort of like this, Paul: Have you got a fish
bowl?”
“No, I haven’t, Mark.”
“What are you, some kind of fag?” says Mark indignantly.
A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer are in a car. They run out of gas and are forced to stop at a farmer’s house. The farmer says that there are only two extra beds, so one person will have to sleep in the barn. The Hindu says, ”I’m humble, I will sleep in the barn.” So, he goes out to the barn. In a few minutes, the farmer hears a knock on the door. It’s the Hindu and he says, ”There is a cow in the barn. It’s against my beliefs to sleep with a cow.” So, the Rabbi says, ”I’m humble, I’ll sleep in the barn.” A few minutes later, the farmer hears another knock on the door and it’s the Rabbi. He says that it is against his beliefs to sleep where there is a pig and there is a pig in the barn. So, the lawyer is forced to sleep in the barn. A few minutes later, there is a knock on the door. It’s the pig and the cow…