a boy stayed after school for a few tests one day. the teacher
ask him “i have something in my hand it is a fruit, it is red,
and it is round” the boys says oooooh i know it’s an apple the
teacher said no its a tomato but i like the way you think. the
next question came along and the teacher ask him i have
something in my hand it is long and yellow the boy says ooooh i
know it is a squash the teacher says no but i like the way you
think. this time the boy says i have a question for you. he
reaches into his pockets and puts his hands on his dick and rubs
it and says his question in a horny way “i have something in my
pocket, it is hard and it has a head on it” the teacher says “GO
TO THE OFFICE!” the boys says its a quarter but i like the way
you think.
Michael is guilty
Chicken Farming Chick
A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.”
He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?”
The woman replies, “I’m a whore.”
The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.”
The woman, “Ok, I’m a prostitute.”
“No, that is still too crude. Try again.”
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer.”
The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?”
“Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”
Man planning for the future
Always remember to pillage BEFORE
No Jews
A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one
night at a fashionable resort on Cape Cod –one that did not admit Jews.
The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, ‘Sorry, no room. The hotel is
full.’ The Jewish lady said, ‘But your sign says that you have vacancies.’ The
desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, ‘You know that we do not admit Jews.
Now if you will try the other side of town…’
Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeably and said, ‘I’ll have you know I converted
to your religion.’
The desk clerk said, ‘Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus
born?’
Mrs. Rosenberg replied, ‘He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town
called Bethlehem.’
‘Very good,’ replied the hotel clerk. ‘Tell me more.’
Mrs. Rosenberg replied, ‘He was born in a manger.’
‘That’s right,’ said the hotel clerk. ‘And why was he born in a manger?’
Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly, ‘Because a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn’t
give a Jewish lady a room for the night!’
10 Fun Things To Do At a Nursing Home
1.Throw a suprise party for a man turning 90.
2.Feed them pepperoni pizza abd soda at lunch.
3.Start an orge at 8:00 at night.
4.Make them watch Temtaion Island.
5.Give them all Gameboys.
6.Put Huge Hefner in there den.
7.Put Comedy Central in there television.
8.Get Chris Rock to do comunity service.
9.Tell the men to double there viagra dose.
10.Play hardcore gangster rap music while they are sleeping.
The Golden Toilet
A group of guys are on their way to a party, but couldn’t quite remember the address to the house. ”I’m sure this is the one,” said the driver. ”Well, I have got to go to the bathroom SO BAD.” Replied one of the others, ”I’ll go knock on the door, and check. If it’s the wrong house, at least I’ll get to a toilet!” So he gets out and walks to the front door. He rings it once….No answer. He rings it again…..Still no answer. So, he thinks, ”This is a big house, big party, maybe the party is outside, in the backyard.” So he walks around the house to the back, there was no one out there either. As he aproached the back door, he was suprized to find it unlocked, and opened. There was obviously no one home, so he figured he’d just quietly run inside real quick, and use there bathroom, no one would know. So, he goes inside but he can’t find the bathroom anywhere. So, he quickly ran up the stairs and searched, and searched, till finally as he opened a door to a small room, he was amazed to find a GOLDEN TOILET. He had never seen anything like it, but remembering that he was in a stranger’s house, and that they could at anytime return home, he quickly did his business and walked out. As he got in the car he excitedly told his friends of the AMAZING GOLDEN TOILET. They laughed in disbelief at his crazy tale. They pulled out of the driveway, arguing about it. They argued the whole way to the party.A couple of hours later, on the way home from the party. They drive past the house with the GOLDEN TOILET. And they guy insists on stopping so he could prove to his friends the these people really did have a GOLDEN TOILET. So, they agree to check it out. So they all walk up to the front door and ring the door bell. And a woman answers the door. ”Excuse me maam, but could you please let me show my friends here your GOLDEN TOILET, they don’t believe me!” ”So YOU’RE the guy!” The woman replies, then yells to her husband in the house, ”HONEY!?!…HERES THE GUY THAT POOPED IN YOUR TUBA!”’
Things to Do at a Boring Movie
1. Wear a top hat.
2. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, “It’s snowing!”
3. Go, “Oooooh…” whenever anyone kisses.
4. Clap when the good guy gets killed.
5. Make a noise like your passing gas and go, “Ahhh…”
6. Start wheezing and ask the person next to you if you can have some
Juiji Fruits for you asthma.
7. During the previews, yell, “Can you fast-forward it?”
8. Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, “Watch out!”
9. Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
10. Tell the man selling popcorn that the girls’ bathroom is flooding.
11. Yell out what is going to happen.
12. Tell the man next to you that you have diarrhea and wink while smiling.
13. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, “I’m Batman!
Hahaha!” and run away.
14. Yell, “Fire!” and moon the people coming through the exit.
15. Say that they cannot sit next to you because your invisible friend
already is.
16. Yell out loud, “Stop molesting me!”
17. Gently, very softly, place a single pooped kernel of corn on the head
of the person in front of you.
18. Scream out, “Hey, this isn’t Bambi!”
19. Stare at the person sitting across the aisle from you, then quickley
look back at the screen when they notice, then stare at them again when
they turn back to the screen.
20. See if you can get a moistened Jujy Fruit to stick to the screen.
21. Yell to the projectionist, “Can you pause it? I gotta pee!”
ratz
What Not To Say in Kansas
The sheriff of the small Kansas town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 75 miles per hour in a 35-mile an hour zone.
The man behind the wheel, a Chicago commodities trader, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, “I can’t believe you stopped me. This town must be the asshole of the world!”
The magistrate looked at him and replied, “And you must be what’s passing through.”
Una vez Tarzan tuvo sexo
Una vez Tarzan tuvo sexo con Jane y esta se embaraza. Pasan los nueve meses de gestaci�n y al momento de parir tiene un ni�o negro.
Los dos angustiados se preguntan por que tienen un hijo negro si ellos dos son blancos, a lo que Jane dice: “Vamos con los animales de la selva a ver si nos pueden ayudar, Tarz�n.”
Van primero con la jirafa y Tarz�n le dice: “Tarz�n Blanco, Jane blanca, ni�o negro.”
Y la jirafa le contesta: “No se que pas�, vayan con el elefante a ver si los ayuda.”
Van con el elefante y Tarz�n le dice: “Tarz�n blanco, Jane blanca, ni�o negro.”
A lo que el elefante contesta: “No se que pas�, vayan con el mono a ver si el les puede ayudar.”
Van con el mono y Tarz�n le dice: “Tarz�n blanco, Jane blanca, ni�o negro.”
Y el mono le dice: “Si ser�n pendejos, Tarz�n caliente, Jane caliente, ni�o quemado…”