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He’s the hunted man
He’s so hard to find
Where’d he flee or are we blind?
Can he move at all,
Or can we even hear his calls?
Is he alive or dead?
What new thoughts are in his head?
Pakistan is where
Why should they even care?
He was trained to kill
In remote Afghani fields
Where he planned the crime
Against all of mankind
Now we don’t hunt him
Got new plans for the world
Planning his vengeance
That he will soon unfurl
Now the time is here
For hunted man to spread fear
A new tape from the grave
Thought he was killed in a cave
Still we can’t find him
Now they just turn their heads
Who else will hunt him?
Till he has his revenge
Where has his trail lead?
Fills the country full of dread
Spinning as fast as they can
Hunted man lives again!
A Jehovah’s Witness knocked on the front door of a home, and heard a
faint,high pitched, “Come In”.
He tried the door and it was locked, so he went around to the back door.
He knocked again and heard again the high pitched “Come In”.
As he entered the kitchen a large, mean, snarling Doberman met him.
As he plastered himself against the wall he called out for help.
Again, he heard the “Come In”.
He slid down the wall to the living room to see a parrot in cage.
He said, “For Pete’s sake, is that all you can say is ‘Come In’?!”
The parrot laughed and said “Sic him!”
This guy goes into a doctors and says “Doctor, doctor you’ve gotta help me, I just can’t stop having sex!”
“Well how often do you have it?” the doctor asks?
“Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife�
� TWICE a day”, he answers back. “That’s not so much”, says the doctor.
“Yes, but that�s not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary�.
�TWICE a day!!! Well that is probably a bit excessive,” says the doctor.
“Yes, but that�s not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute�.
“Well, that’s definitely too much”, says the doctor. “You’ve got to learn to take yourself in hand.”
“I do”, says the man. “Twice a day.”
A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a
basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.
“An’ wot’s this then?” he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the
butcher’s shins.
“You dumb dog.” As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a
ten dollar bill in the basket.
The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground
beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches
for the dried up stuff that’s been sitting out all day.
The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets
the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on
the scale with his thumb.
“Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who’ll know?”
Again, the dog growls menacingly. “Alright, alright,” as he throws on a
generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in
change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another
five goes in the basket.
The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home. The
dog quickly enters high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift,
and then pushes the button for the 12th floor. The dog walks down the corridor
and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog’s owner
screams at the dog.
“Hey, what are you doing? That’s a really smart dog you’ve got there,”
comments the butcher.
“He’s a stupid dog–that’s the third time this week he’s forgotten his key.
Supermodel Kate Moss is serious about taking up golf
Unfortunately all her supermodel friends neither have the time
nor interest she does to get out and play. So poor Kate is
forced to hit the links solo and play with whomever she can.
Being a marginal athlete at best, Kate finds it very difficult
to break a 100 in a round where ever she plays. And being a
perfectionist, over time this begins to frustrate her to no end.
One afternoon, Kate shows up at the Prince Course in Kaui,
Hawaii by herself and finds a threesome of local men to play
with. From the start Kate explains her frustration to the
strangers, and welcomes their suggestions and helpful hints to
improve her game so that she may finally break 100. Devastated
by her overwhelming beauty, the three men are more than willing
to help her in any way they can, and offer up all their best
advise as the day goes on. Luckily for Kate their helpful advise
pays off, and as the foursome approaches the par 4 18th, Ms Moss
has a 95 and only needs to par the hole to finally break 100.
Kate is ecstatic, and with the mens help she reaches the green
in 3, and has only a 4 foot putt for par. This being the most
important putt of life, and the only thing that matters to her
in the whole world at that moment, she turns to the three men
and says: “whomever gives me the best advise on how to sink this
putt, will be rewarded with the blowjob of lifetime from me on
the spot, a hummer you will be able to tell your grand children
about!”
After a day of getting to know Ms Moss, there was little doubt
in the their minds, that she was very serious about that offer,
and it was not questioned.
The three men stood shell shocked, barley able to speak, then
one man said: “you have a 6 inch break to the left, play that
and you’ll sink it.” Kate nodded her head, acknowledging the
advise, and then turned to look at the second man for his input.
The second man realized he not only had to think quickly, but he
had to come up with a different recommendation to win this
coveted prize. Just the thought of Kate Moss slurping on his hog
on the 18th of the Prince Course, left him absolute brain dead
and almost speechless. Kate getting impatient said: “well, what
do you think?” Feeling rushed now, he blurted out “straight
shot, no break, nice and easy.” Kate raised her eyebrows, a
little surprised and confused then turned to look at the shot
again. As she studied the shot, she asked the third man for his
advise. Not hearing a reply, she turned to look at the third man
standing behind her. The mans shorts and underwear were already
at his ankles, and his sausage was saluting her proudly. Then a
with a shit eating grin on his face, the third man said: “That’s
a gimme!”
One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and
realizes they have forgotten all their shovels.
The crew’s foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation.
The supervisor radios back and says, “Don’t worry, we’ll send some
shovels…just lean on each other until they arrive.”