Old Couple Doing It!

A couple age 67, went to the doctor’s office. The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”

The man said, “Doctor, Will you watch us have intercourse?”

The Doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple finished, the Doctor said “There’s nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.” And he charged them $20.00 somewhat embarrassedly.

This happened for several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, and then leave.

Finally the Doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”

The old man said, “we’re not trying to find out anything. She is married and we can’t go to her house.

I’m married and we can’t go to my house. Holiday Inn charges $42.00, the Hilton charges $127.00, we do it here for $20.00 and I get $18.00 back from Medicare for every visit to the Doctor’s office.

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Zippergate at the movies

ZIPPERGATE IN MOVIE TITLES PG 13 Subject: Executive Decision, True Lies, Beauty and the Beast, …. **Disclaimer: The following story, though based on a true story contains altered or questionable facts and statements. Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent, if in fact there are any. **This is The Never Ending Story of a 9 To 5, Working Girl, and The American President. The latter of whom offered the former an Indecent Proposal. It seems this Top Gun was Addicted To Love, to Youngblood. He had a Basic Instinct, Fatal Attraction, for this Pretty Woman, this Babe. He liked to Kiss The Girls, and liked Boys On The Side…. but that’s Oliver’s Story.Casual Sex? No, she saw Career Opportunities, The Sure Thing. She had Great Expectations.It was to be a Close Encounter Of The Third Kind, a Mission Impossible. We’re talking Risky Business, Dangerous Ground. Till now she’d played The Saint, but this would be Unforgiven, for she would break The Ten Commandments.It Happened One Night. It would be An Affair To Remember. The Bodyguard would be the means of the Deliverance. She was in the Head Office From Dusk Till Dawn. She started with a Striptease, then Goin’ South for The Fly. His pants Falling Down to his Sneakers, revealing The Pelican Briefs. Looked like there’d be Foul Play. She would Free Willy Two, and be surprised by the Hook. Up Close And Personal, she put her parted Jaws upon The Thing. She’d never Eight Men Out before, but he was Blown Away. Trading Places, he slipped his Goldfinger into her Paradise Alley. He could smell her Heat and taste her Primal Fear. Her Field Of Dreams began to Grease. Their Private Parts made Contact. He thrust his Shaft into The Abyss. She felt a Sudden Impact, and her Crimson Tide broke upon his Great Balls OF Fire!He expected an Easy Rider, but she was a Twister, and Rocky Two. She squirmed Every Which Way But Loose. He drove his Willy Wonka with Speed into The Deep. Then Chitty, Chitty, Bang! Bang! He released Hot Shots of his White Squall into her Dark Passage. She felt The Wiz, then The Big Chill, and Speechless, Waiting To Exhale, let out a Scream. It was over in 8 Seconds.Then came The Long Kiss Good Night.The Morning After, Dazed And Confused, she told her Circle Of Friends what had occurred. She said she was told if there was ever a Q&A by Internal Affairs to protect the President with Secrets & Lies. All The Presidents’ Men wanted her to be a Liar, Liar. Unbeknownst, one of these confidants was Wired.48 Hrs. Another 48 Hrs. 9 1/2 Weeks. Another 9 1/2 Weeks. Then seeking Fame and Big Fortune, this confidant would hold The American President for Ransom. He wasn’t Above Suspicion, he was Fair Game. She thought, ‘ I’m Gonna Git You Sucka!’. She told the press, ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer.’ She Set It Off….a Chain Reaction which could Breakdown the Absolute Power of the President, Against All Odds. He’d be Better Off Dead, Fallen. Grumpy Old Men and Ordinary People will shout their Conspiracy Theory. His Misery would cause Dead Presidents to rollover in their grave. When the tapes are aired, he would be Coming To America.However Suspect, the President was a Diehard In The Line Of Fire. He addressed the people and stated, ‘This is Much Ado About Nothing. Stand By Me. Right wing advocates will Say Anything, and should Never Cry Wolf.’ The First Lady And The Tramp also showed Courage Under Fire. Clueless, and without a Witness For The Prosecution, the Dragnet came to a halt. The American President was no longer Under Siege, and The Shadow over the Capitol.

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Lights left on

Abe, an old penny-pincher, is dying.

On his deathbed, he looks up and asks, “Is my wife here?”

“Yes, dear,” she replies. “I’m right next to you.”

“Are my children here?” Abe then asks.

“Yes, Daddy, we’re all here,” one of his kids answers.

“Are the rest of my relatives here?” Abe inquires.

“Yes, we’re all here,” one says.

Abe sits up and yells, “Then why the hell is the light on in the kitchen!?”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

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50 Years On

The wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same, sexy little negligee she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband and says, “Honey, do you remember this?”

He looks up at her and replies, “Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married.”

“That’s right.” she replied. “And do you remember what you said to me that night?”

He nods and says, “Yes dear, I still remember.”

“Well, what was it?”

“Well honey, as I remember, I said, “Ohhhhhhh, Baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those big tits and screw your brains out!”

She giggles, “Yes, that was it. That was exactly what you said. Now it’s 50 years later and I’m in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?”

He looks her up and down and says, “Mission accomplished.”

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The Sexy Secretary.

A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse.

After work he invited his secretary to dinner. It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours.

Afterward the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck.

He panicked, wondering what he was going to tell his wife.

After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him. Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal.

Holding his neck with one hand, he said, “Honey, look what the dog did to my neck!”

“Hell, that’s nothing” she answered, ripping open her blouse.
“Look what he did to my tits!”

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Give him another chance

A college’s student body is composed of the sons and daughters of the very
rich who could not meet the academic requirements of any other college. Lo and
behold, the college basketball team wins every game and dominates their league.
All this success is due to one amazing player – a cross betwen Larry Bird and
Michael Jordan.
This kid is terrific. The player and the team become the center of nationwide
media attention. The student body is thrilled. Now, the NCAA goes to the college
and asks for proof of this player’s academic eligibility. The college
administration promises such documentation in a few days. The faculty works
night and day coaching the student for the crucial test.
The day of the public examinatin arrives, and the entire student body is there
to support their star player. A professor stands, and announces the first
question, “How much is five and two?” The student frowns in deep concentration –
he thinks, he sweats, he shakes with effort. At last he shouts the answer,
“SEVEN”. The entire student body rises, and as a single voice, they cry. “Give
him another chance. Give him another chance”.

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