Woodward’s Law: A theory is better than its explanation.
Yo mamma
Guards Wouldnt let them
One day i was out looking for a Birthday present for my sisters 19th birthday and as i was walking down the card isle and spotted something that looked like it would be good….But before i tell you the joke you need to know that my all of my sisters x boyfreinds have either been in jail or are on their way to jail so back to the card….
On the front it said
Hey Sis i was going to get all of your x boyfreinds to sign this card for you…..then when you opened it up it said However the guards wouldnt let them have any sharp objects!!!
Animal Noises
A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was
going around in turn asking them all questions.
“Davy, what noise does a cow make?”
“It goes moo.”
“Alice, what noise does a cat make?”
“It goes meow.”
“Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?”
“It goes baaa.”
“Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?”
“Errr.., it goes.. click!”
The turkey
Error is often more earnest
Ducks gay dirty court judge Jokes
Three ducks went into court. The judge called the first one to the stand.
“What is your name?” he asked.
“Quack.” the duck answered.
“And why were you arrested?” the judge asked.
“I was blowing bubbles.” he answered.
The judge didn’t see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the duck and
called up the next one.
“What’s your name?” he asked.
“Quack,” the duck answered.
“Why were you arrested?” the Judge asked.
“I was blowing bubbles.” the duck replied.
Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, so he called up the next duck.
“What’s your name?? No wait, let me guess, Quack.” he said.
“No,” said the duck, “My name is Bubbles.”
Three Bears
Jon was excited about his new rifle and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear.
The black bear said “You’ve got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex.” Jon decided to bend over.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him.
The brown bear said, “That was a huge mistake, Jon. You’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we’ll have rough sex.” Again, Jon thought it was better to comply.
Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there.
The grizzly bear said “Admit it, Jon, you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”
Mary Poppins has retired from
Sugar In Urine
Guillotine
Once there were three men who were going to be executed with the guillotine during the French Revolution. The first man was a mathmatician, the second man was an artist, and the third man was a engineer.
The police led the mathmatician up and told him to say his last words. He said, “I will always die for my country.” The men led him to the guillotine. The blade stopped an inch from his neck. The police said that it must be the will of God that the mathmatician would not die.
The same thing happened to the artist. His last words were, “I will always die for my country.” He was led to the guillotine and the blade stopped an inch from his neck. The police said that it must be the will of God that the artist would not die.
When the police led the engineer up and told him to say his last words, he said, “I think I know how to fix the guillotine.”
How The Internet Got Started
An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says . . .
And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?”
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear?”
And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS)”.
Abraha} thkught long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums, as long as he could have his way with her.
And Dot said, “There will be a lot of banging in the land”. And Abraham replied, “It is my most fervent wish that this be so”.
And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.
But his success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham’s drum and was accused of insider trading.
And the young did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly to camel dung.
They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would only work if you bought Brother Gates’ drumsticks.
And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others”. And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known, “eBay”, he said, “We need a name of a service that reflects what we are”.
And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators”.
“Whoopee!”, said Abraham.
“No, YAHOO!”, said Dot Com.