An Irishman visited a local tavern and ordered three beers. When the bartender served him the beers, he lined them up on the bar and began drinking one at a time. Once he had finished the 3 beers, he ordered another round. The bartender offered to the man that he would be glad to draw the beers for him individually so that they would remain cold and fresh.The Irishman replied that he had spent many years drinking beers with his two brothers and he cherished those memories. One of his brothers had been transferred to the Far East and the other to London. By pretending that his brothers were still drinking with him, he was able to reminisce and enjoy himself. The bartender accepted this explanation and, each time the Irishman came to the bar, he continued to serve him the beers in this fashion.One day the Irishman came in and ordered only two beers. The bartender was concerned and offered his condolences, thinking that, perhaps one of the brothers had passed away. “Oh, no’,” replied the Irishman, “…they’re doing just fine…it’s just that I gave up drinking for lent.”
Rest Area
Surgical Subject
So, it seems this group of surgeons were sitting about during an
interlude, when the usual topic came up…
The first surgeon said:
“Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open
them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second surgeon said:
“Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in
alphabetical order.”
The third pipes up:
“Try electricians! Everything inside THEM is color coded.”
The fourth sneers:
“Lawyers. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads
and their butts are interchangeable.”
To which the fifth surgeon, who has been quietly listening to
the conversation while sipping from a bottle of Jack Daniels (as
all surgeons do between operations), says:
“I like engineers… they always understand when you have a few
parts left over at the end.”
Telephone Pole
A phone company puts an ad in the paper that they are recruiting workers.
The next day, two groups of workers show up: a crew of five Italian men
and a crew of five blonde women. The company cannot decide who to give the
job to, so they give them a test. The company boss says, “Each crew will
receive a telephone pole that they must install into the ground. Whoever
is able to hammer it in first will get the job.”
Both groups agree this is fair, so off they go in the company trucks with
the long telephone poles sticking out the back. A few hours pass, and
finally, at 5:00, the Italian crew returns. “YAY!!” They shout, “We came
back first, we get the job!!” “Good work, men,” says the boss. “However,
we must wait until the other crew comes back to make sure that the reason
they’re delayed is not because of traffic, or that the truck broke down.”
“Fine, no problem,” say the men. An hour passes, two hours pass, three
hours. Finally, at 12:00 midnight, the blonde crew arrives. All of them
are flushed and breathing hard. “What happened to you? What took so long?”
Asks the boss incredulously.
“What do you mean, ‘what took so long’?? Do we get the job?” “YOU get the
job? No way! The men were back here HOURS ago!” “Well, of course they
were,” say the blondes. “They only put the pole in halfway!!”
Twenty-nine year olds
Idiot
Bartender
A brunette walks into a bar and says, ”Gimme an M L.” the bartender says, “
What’s an M L?” She says, ” A Miller Light.”
Another Brunette walks in and says, “Gimme a B L.” the bartender says,
��what’s a B L?”
She says, ”Bud Light.”
A dumb blonde walks in and says, ”Gimme a 15.” The bar tender says,” what’s
a fifteen?” She says,” 7&7, duh!”
George W and the VP…
George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking,
when George W. said, “I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me.”
Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss kid, said sage-like, “Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I’ll prove it to you.”
Now Cheney, to patronize George W, took him outside and hailed a taxi driver.
“Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I’m home,” said Cheney.
The cab driver without saying a word drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, “See! That guy was really stupid!”
“No kidding,” replied George W. “There was a pay phone just around the corner…
You could have called instead?”
Parade
Two men in a cabin
SCENARIO: Two men were sitting in a cabin. A while later, a man
came along and saw the windows of the cabin shattered. When he
decided to explore the inside he found the two men dead. If the
man who found them had nothing to do with the situation, what
happened?
ANSWER: The men were in a cabin of a plane. When the plane
crashed the windows shattered and the two men died from the
crash.
Around The World In …
IQ’s
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers “241.”
“That is wonderful!” says Albert. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!”
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the lady answers, “144.”
“That is great!” says Albert. “We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!”
Albert then goes to another person and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers, “51.”
Albert ponders this for a moment, and then says, “GO REDSKINS!”