Donkey in the bar

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one guy walks in to a bar sees a crying donkey sitting on a pot of gold and he asks the bartender whats up with the gold? The bartender said if you can get the donkey to shut up the gold is yours.

The guy says ok, and he walks over to the donkey and whispers something in the donkeys ear the donkeys cracks up laughing so the guy gets the pot of gold.

A week later he walks into the bar and sees the donkey still laughing sitting on another pot of gold he asks the the bartender was up with the gold the bar tender said if you can get the donkey to shut up,I’ll give you the gold.

The guy says ok but ill have to take him out side the bartender says ok then the guy takes the donkey out side for a min walks back in 5 min later and the donkys crying again the bartender asks how in the hell did you do that the guy says to make him laugh I said my dick was bigger than his, and to make him cry I showed him.

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The Deer Hunter

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A hunter gets up early one morning and tells his wife he’s going hunting and that she can either go hunting with him, let him fuck her in the ass, or give him a blow job.

He informs her that he’s going out to get the dog, load up the hunting gear and will be back to get her decision.

About an hour later, he comes back into the house and asks his wife what she wants to do.

”Well,” she says, ”I ain’t going hunting with you, and you sure as hell ain’t fucking me in the ass, so I guess it will be a blow job.”

She’s down there giving him the job when all of a sudden she starts coughing and spitting and says, ”Your dick tastes like shit!”

He replies, “Well, the dog didn’t want to go hunting either.

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The African King

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The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a
sightseeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very
important client.

The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the
secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her
boss told her…don’t reject the guy outright. So, she tries to
think of a way to dissuade the king from wanting to marry her.

After a few minutes, the woman says to the man, “I will only
marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement
ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat
diamond tiara.”

The African king pauses for a while. Then, he nods his head and
says, “No problem! I have. I have.”

Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the
man, “I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As
a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the
best wine country in France.”

The African king pauses for a while. He whips out his cellular
phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks
at the woman, nods his head and says, “Okay, okay. I build. I
build.”

Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary
knows that she’d better make this a good one. She takes her time
to think and finally she gets an idea, a sure-to-work condition.
She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly,
“Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 14-inch
penis.” The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his
hands and rests his elbows on the table, all the while muttering
in African dialect.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his
head, looking really sad, and says to the woman, “Okay, okay. I
cut. I cut.”

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“I’m helping him exercise to lose weight!&quo

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A kid goes into his mom�s room and finds her jumping vigorously on top of his
dad. He asks:
“What are you doing to dad, mom?”
She says:
“I’m helping him exercise to lose weight!”
“Oh mom, that is worthless you jump on top of him to make him skinnier and our
neighbor comes in everyday when you leave and blows him back up with her
mouth.”

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