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Un hombre ve�a por la ventana a su peque�a hija hacer un hombre de nieve con un amiguito. Divertido por lo que ve�a, se acerc� y escuch� al ni�o decir: “Tengo una idea. Para terminarlo, ir� a la cocina por una zanahoria.”
Y su hijita respondi�, “Que sean dos. La segunda puede ser su nariz.”
One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, “I’ll take him and him and him.”
A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and
went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar and lit up a cigar. As he sipped
his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten
smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian approached him and said,
“Now listen buddy, if you don’t stop calling me that I’ll smash your face in!”
Andrew came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers,
Justin, noticed his condition and asked Andy what happened.
Andy replied, “Oh, nothing, really. It’s just an old hockey injury that acts
up once in a while.”
Justin remarked, “Gee, I never even knew that you played hockey.”
“No, Justin, I don’t,” replied Andy. “I hurt my leg last year when I lost $500
on the Stanley Cup play-offs – I put my foot through the television set.”
Una pareja fue a un pozo de los deseos. El marido se inclin�, pidi� un deseo en silencio, y tir� una moneda.
Sigui� el turno de la esposa, pero cuando ella se inclin� sobre el borde del pozo, perdi� el equilibrio y cay�. El marido estaba sorprendido, pero despu�s sonri� y dijo, “�Caramba, realmente funciona!”
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.
‘What can I get you?’ the barman asks.
‘I want six shots of whisky,’ responds the young man.
‘Six shots? Are you celebrating something?’
‘Yeah, my first blowjob.’
‘Well, in that case, let me give you a seventh on the house.’
The young man says, ‘No offence sir, but if six shots won’t get rid of the
taste, nothing will.’
An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice.
The priest said: “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?” “Never Father, I’m Jewish.” “So then, why are you telling me?” “Because I’m telling everybody!”