Purpee Jokes

Two blondes walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.

Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it. “That’s quite nice innit, don’t you fink Trace?”

“Yeah, what’s it called?”

“Viens a moi”

“VIENS A MOI, what the does that mean?”

At this stage the assistant offers some help. “Viens a moi ladies, is French for ‘come to me’.”

Sharon takes anther sniff and offers her arm to Tracey again saying: “That doesn’t smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you?”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Jesus and Moses are playing golf and they’re on the tenth hole. Moses hits the ball and it heads straight for a pond. Just before the ball hits the water, the pond parts and the ball rolls up onto the green. Jesus winds up and hits one about to the same spot. Jesus’ ball hits the water and skips across. All of a sudden, lightning flashes and a ball drops from the sky. A fish swallows it and a bird picks up the fish and drops the ball onto a turtle that walks over to the hole and drops it in. Moses turns to Jesus and says, ”I hate it when your dad plays!”

This man at the side of the road was fixing his flat tire.

A police car stops behind his and the officer strolls to him to offer help.

The man says he’s doing OK and doesn’t need help.

The officer takes a walk around the car to make sure everything is OK.

He spots a large knife with a fancy handle on the passenger seat.

When he asks about the knife, the man says it’s his and he uses it as a juggler at the local circus.

The officer then asks him to demonstrate his act to be sure the man is telling the truth, and the man goes through his routine.

Meanwhile a car with two recovering alcoholics drives by. The driver says to his passenger, “Man … I am glad I stopped drinking when I did.

It’s amazing what they make them do these days at those roadside sobriety checks!”

a 70YEAR OLD MAN NAMED HENRY WAS ABOUT TO MARRY A 23 YEAR OLD GIRL NAMED ETHAL. ETHAL ASKED HENRY TO WASH HER RED NIGHTGOWN SO SHE COULD HAVE IT FOR THE HONEYMOONSO HE DID. AFTER HE WASHED IT HE PUT IN THE DRYER AND STARTED TO TAKE A BATH.ETHAL KNOCKED ON THE DOOR AND ASKED TO ENTER SO SHE COULD GET THE CLOTHES FROM THE DRYER TO PACK FOR THE HONEYMOON.HENRY SAID YES IF YOU DONT PEEK AT ME.ETHAL OPENED THE DRYER PULLED OUT HER NIGHT GOWN AND SAID OH HENRY IT IS ALL PINK AND WRINKLY AND HENRY SAID DAMN IT ETHAL I TOLD YOU NOT TO PEEK!