Do you know why woman don’t fart?
Because they can’t keep their mouths closed long enough to build up any pressure.
Hooker
As the young couple prepare to go to bed on their wedding night, the groom says to his bride, “Honey, I have a confession to make. I’m a golf addict.
I play whenever I have a minute. I can’t get enough of it. you’ll probably never see me on the weekends.”
His bride looked a little uneasy and then said, “Honey I have a confession also…I’m a hooker.”
“No problem.” Replied the groom, “Just keep your left arm straight and keep that head down. You’ll be hitting them straight in no time.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Broken dishes
A woman went to the doctor because her husband did not want to
have sex with her anymore. She was worried there might be
something wrong with him or her. So the doctor said “Here, take
this pill and put it in some of his mashed potatoes tonight when
you eat super. I dont know if it will work and if it does work I
dont know how strong it will be.” The lady said, “Thats ok! I
will do ANYTHING for sex.”
So later that night she put it in his mashed potatoes.
The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her how
everything went. She goes “It was great Doctor, he pushed all of
the dishes to the floor and we had the best sex we have had in
months! I loved it!” The doctor said, “Well if you broke
anything then I will pay for it.” The lady said, “No that won’t
be necissary because I dont think that we will be going back to
that restaurant anymore anyways!!!”
OJ’s Thanksgiving
You got to open the flaps to get to the good stuff
An IBM acronym
Your momma is so black
Biblical one-liners… too cool!
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruthless
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Mike Tyson Joke
In the dark
Wife: Oh, come on.
Husband: Leave me alone!
Wife: It won’t take long.
Husband: I won’t be able to sleep afterwards.
Wife: I can’t sleep without it.
Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?
Wife: Because I’m Hot.
Husband: You get hot at the darnest times.
Wife: If you love me I wouldn’t have to beg you.
Husband: If you love me you’d be more considerate.
Wife: You don’t love me anymore.
Husband: Yes I do, but let’s forget it for tonight.
Wife: (Sob-Sob)
Husband: All right, I’ll do it.
Wife: What’s the matter? Need a flashlight?
Husband: I can’t find it.
Wife: Oh, for heaven’s sake, feel for it!
Husband: There! Are you satisfied?
Wife: Oh, yes, honey.
Husband: Is it down far enough?
Wife: Oh, that’s fine.
Husband: Now go to sleep. The next time, it’s your turn to get up and turn the thermostat down.
Wife: Yes, honey.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
There are thousands of sex phone lines for…
Head?
Guy goes into a bar. Big guy, but his head is the size of an orange.
Goes up to the bartender, orders a beer. Bartender serves him and asks why a big guy like him has such a small head.
So the guy tells him his story: He was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a genie lantern. Out comes this beautiful, beautiful genie who says, “I’ll grant you one wish . . . but i won’t sleep with you.”
Guy says, “Ok then, how ’bout a little head?”