Turkey Shot Out of the Oven…

Turkey Shot Out of the Oven…

The turkey shot out of the oven
The turkey shot out of the oven
And rocketed into the air,
It knocked every plate off the table
And partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner
And burst with a deafening boom,
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
Completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows,
It totally coated the floor,
There was turkey attached to the ceiling,
Where there’d never been turkey before.
It blanketed every appliance,
It smeared every saucer and bowl,
There wasn’t a way I could stop it,
That turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
And thought with chagrin as I mopped,
That I’d never again stuff a turkey
With popcorn that hadn’t been popped.

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How to tell if she’s a virgin

A fellow talking to his friend says, “How can I tell if my girl is a virgin?”Friend tells him, “You have to wait till you wedding night, you show it to her and ask what it is. If she calls it a penis, she’s a virgin. If she says it’s a cock, she’s been around.”So the guy gets married, and in the hotel room he flips it out to her and says “What is this?””That’s a penis!” she replies.”Great,” he sighs, “I thought you were going to call it a cock.””Of course not! A cock is twice as big!!”

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Eran tres maes que entran

Eran tres maes que entran a una discoteque y se sientan en una mesa. En la mesa del frente ven a una atractiva chica que est� sola; entonces dice uno de ellos: “�Ven a aquella hembra que est� all� al frente? Vean y aprendan c�mo se conquista a una chica”.

Se acerca a la chica y le dice: “Esteee, �hola muchacha c�mo est�? Bueno, es que yo quer�a preguntarle a ver si podr�a bailar una pieza conmigo.”

A lo que ella responde: “�Usted est� loco? Cu�ndo a visto un manjar en el hocico de un perro?”

El pobre se fue a sentar a la mesa con el rabo entre las patas. Entonces se para el segundo y dice: “T� lo hiciste mal, yo te ense�ar� c�mo hacerlo.”

Se acerca a la chica y dice: “Mmmm, hola hermosura. �C�mo es que una chica tan bella est� aqu� sentada tan sola. �Qu� te parece si bailamos una pieza y luego nos tomamos algo?”

Y la chica le contesta: “�Quee�? �Cu�ndo ha visto un manjar en el hocico de un perro?”

Y este otro mae se fue a sentar sin siquiera volver a levantar la cabeza. Entonces se para el tercero que se lo llevaba puta del coler�n y le dice a los otros: “Vean hijueputas yo a ustedes les voy a ense�ar de verdad c�mo se conquista una zorra de esas.”

Entonces se acerca a la hembra y con tono �spero: “Hey, usted.”

“�Qui�n, yo?”

“S� est�pida, �con qui�n m�s cree que estoy hablando? Bueno yo nada m�s ven�a a preguntarle a ver si quer�a bailar alguna mierda de canci�n.”

“�Ja!, �cu�ndo ha visto un manjar en el hocico de un perro?”

Y el mae le responde: “No, yo nada m�s le vine a pedir que bail�ramos, no que me la mamara.”

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From “Run” to “Hide”

AP and UPI reported today that the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “run” to “hide.”

The only two higher levels in France are “surrender” and “collaborate.”

The heightened alert status was precipitated by the recent fire which
destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively disabling its military.

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Potatoes

A red head, a brunett and a blondy are busted at a crackhouse. They all run away into a convinience store and jump into three seperate bags. The policeman looks at the first bag with the brunett in it and it says, ruff, ruff, so he says, well it must be a dog. Then he looks at the second bag with the red head in it and it says, meow meow, so he says, well that must be a cat. Then he looks at the third bag with the blondy in it and it says, potatoes, so he arrests the blondy.

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