Purpee Jokes

A visiting professor at Clemson University is giving a seminar
on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks:
“How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 90 students
raise their hands.

“Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in
ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?” About 40
students raise their hands.

“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously.
Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”–15 students raise
their hands.

“That’s a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a
ghost?”–3 students raise their hands.

“That’s fantastic. But let me ask you one question
further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?

One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is
astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says,
“Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has
ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up
here and tell us about your experience.

The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his
way up to the podium. The professor says, “Well, tell us what
it’s like to have sex with a ghost.

The student replies, “Ghost?!?”

“Dang it, I thought you said ‘goats’.”

Boy Monster: “Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine’s?”

Girl Monster: “Yes, I did. Thank you.”

Boy Monster: “Is it still beating?”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

What do call a Irish seven course dinner?

A potato and a six pack.

3 Irish monks have passed all tests, except for one. It is the test of purity.
So the other monks tie bells to their dicks and put them in a room with a naked
chick. She dances in front of the first one, and, sure enough, he goes
‘ding-ding!’
“Go take a cold shower, now!” she commands, and he goes to take a shower. So
she dances in front of the next one, and, after a couple of minutes, he goes
‘ding-ding!’
“Go take a cold shower with your brother!” she yells, and he leaves. Now she
goes to the last one, dancing in front of him. He doesn�t ring. The woman nods.

“Good, you’ve passed. Go take a shower with your brothers.”
“Ding-ding!”

Ay, Jos�, as� no se hace
Ay Jos�, as� no se
Ay Jos�, as� no
Ay Jos�, as�
Ay Jos�
Ay

El Ministro de Relaciones Exteriores de Tontilandia visita al Papa. Al despedirse, una vez terminada la reuni�n, le manifiesta:

“Dele mis m�s sinceros saludos a su esposa”, y se marcha.

Sorprendido, el Papa le manifiesta a su ayudante:

“�Vio que falta de respeto? �Mandarle sus saludos a mi esposa!”

“Despreoc�pese, su Santidad, no es la primera vez que eso nos pasa con este se�or. �La vez anterior nos mand� un mensaje felicit�ndonos cuando ganaron los Cardenales de San Luis!”

Rod and Todd, now in their eighties, first met in school.

Their relationship now is playing cards, playing jokes, and making bets.

One day Rod calls Todd and says, “I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. Twenty pounds.”

Todd replies, “How can that be? If you know anything about biology you…”

Rod interrupts, “I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine is longer soft than yours is hard… twenty pounds… YES OR NO?”

Todd says, “OK OK! I’ll take that bet. How long is yours soft?”

Rod answers, “Eleven years.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

A woman from New York was getting her affairs in order. She prepared her will and made her final arraignments.

As part of these arraignments she met with her rabbi to talk about what type of funeral service she wanted, etc.

She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomindales. “Bloomindales!” the rabbi said. “Why Bloomindales?”

“That way, I know my daughters will visit me twice a week.”