Purpee Jokes

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.

The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.

Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked,
“What are those for?”

The elderly gentleman replied, “There are just two things I can’t stand…
“the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!”

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage
in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their
conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears
one of the men say the following:

“Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come
again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice.
Den I come one-a more.”

“You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this
country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!.”

“Hey, coola-downa lady”, said the man. “Imma justa teachin’ my fren’
howa to spella Mississippi.”

You’re so ugly that when you looked out the window, you got a fine for disturbing the peace.

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.The idea was to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the train driver’s backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow. The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions.NASA responded with a one-line memo: “Thaw the chicken.”

Un hombre muri� y fue enviado al infierno. All� encontr� al diablo, quien le dijo que acababan de introducir algunas mejoras y que ahora cada nuevo inquilino pod�a elegir entre tres tipos de tortura. El demonio le explic� que estas torturas corr�an en ciclos de mil a�os y que pod�a elegir en cu�l ciclo empezar.

El tipo fue conducido por el diablo a la primer sala de torturas donde un hombre estaba siendo azotado con cadenas.

“Paso al siguiente”, dijo el fulano.

En la siguiente sala, un hombre estaba colgado de los brazos y lo estaban azotando con un l�tigo con puntas de hierro. El tipo sacudi� la cabeza en se�al de disgusto.

Finalmente, pasaron a la �ltima sala, donde otro hombre estaba atado a la pared, totalmente desnudo. Una mujer escultural le estaba pr�cticando sexo oral. El tipo indica:

“S�, s�, aqu� es donde quiero empezar”.

El diablo le pregunt�:

“�Est�s seguro? Te recuerdo que esto va a durar mil a�os”.

“S�, estoy seguro. �ste es el lugar”.

“Bueno”, acepta el demonio encogi�ndose de hombros.

El diablo camin� hasta donde estaba la hermosa rubia, le toc� el hombro y le dijo:

“Ya lleg� tu reemplazo”.