- 404
- Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web message “404, URL Not
Found,” meaning that the document you’ve tried to access can’t be located.
“Don’t bother asking him…he’s 404, man.”
Feeling she was making progress
A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to
help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side
of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the
other.
The blonde approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said she was.
A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot,
still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, “Would you like me to be
your friend?”
The girl hesitated, then said, “Okay,” looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, the blonde then asked, “Why are you standing
here all alone?”
“Because,” the little girl said with great exasperation, “I’m the goalie!”
49 cents
On a trip to the USA, a wealthy Arab fell in love with Susan.
He begged her to marry him, but she refused, saying that she had no intention of leaving America to live in a desert.
Immediately, the Arab bought several grand homes across the USA, from New England to California, and he took Susan on a tour of the homes, flying her from place to place in his private jet.
Susan was impressed, and she agreed to marry him.
Six weeks later, in tears, she phoned her father and asked him to take her back home.
“Whatever for?” asked her father.
“I’ve married a pervert,” she cried.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said. “Just come and take me home.”
So her father drove to her New England home.
Arriving there, richly ornate gold gates opened electronically, and he drove along a wide, straight drive lined with oaks and maples.
And at the end of the mile-long drive was a building so grand that it made the White House look like a dog kennel.
He climbed the solid marble steps to huge doors, at least twelve feet tall, and there he met his daughter, waiting for him with her two bags packed and ready to go.
“Oh, father,” she cried. “Take me away from here at once. I cannot bear to stay a moment longer.”
Her father could not believe that she should want to leave such splendor.
“What’s wrong, dear?” he asked.
“The man is a pervert!” she exclaimed.
He asked his daughter to explain this perversion that was upsetting her so.
“When I married him,” she sobbed, “my asshole was as tight as a penny piece, and now, it’s as big as a half dollar.”
“Nay,” said her father. “surely you’re not go to leave all this for the sake of forty-nine cents!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Anal Sex: I can stand the pain, if you can…
Due to the shape of the North American Elk’s…
Mushroom Management
Limit every time
A fellow wanted to learn how to duck hunt but could not find anybody who would take him out to learn how so he st a rted to hunt by himself. He felt frusterated after five day’s hunting without getting the first feather much less a shot.So he goes back to the boat launch to go home and see’s a fellow coming in with the front of his boat full of ducks and thinks to himself damn I think i’ll go over and ask him if he needs a hand and maybe i’ll learn a secret or two, So he say’s to the hunter with a bag over his head Sir can I help you with loadind up your boat and the man with the bag on his head said sure. So did you have any luck today? The new hunter said he hadn’t shot at a duck in five days and the man said do you want me to take you out so you can get your limit? the new hunter said sure I’d love to maybe you can teach me a thing or two, on the way out the hunter ask why the man still had the bag on his head and he said i’ll show you in a minute. They threw out some decoys and the man said are you ready ? now watch close and he began to blow his caller and the ducks were all over the place then all of a sudden he pulled the bag off and ducks were falling out of the sky everywere, and the new hunter started screaming for the man to put the bag back on for he was one ugly dude and looked bad bad.They picked up all the ducks and on the way in the new hunter said thank you and that he was sorry, and the man said sorry for what? and the new hunter said for hurting your feelings when I yeld for you to put the bag back on,He said hell son don’t be I know I’m ugly my wife is ugly my kids are ugly were one big ugly family. The new hunter said sooo does your wife like to duck hunt with you? and the man said oh she loves to duck hunt. then the new hunter said well do you bring her out much? The man with the mask said ohhh nooo she bust them up to bad…
Gray Matter…
The traffic ticket.
A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to
appear for a minor traffic summons.
He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
“WHAT FOR?!?!?” he snapped at the judge.
The Judge, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: “Twenty dollars contempt of court! That’s why!”
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented:
“That’s all right. You don’t have to pay now.”
The guy replied…
“I know – I’m just seeing if I have enough for 2 more words!”