Yours Fun Portal !
1. If Miss Issippi bought a New Jersey for Miss Ourri, What
would Della wear?
2. Why was the tomato blushing?
3. What do you call twin brothers?
4. What color do you paint the sun and the wind?
5. What is the leader of all tools?
ANSWERS—————————————————-
1. I don’t know but I’ll ask her (Alaska).
2. It saw the salad dressing.
3. A sunset.
4. The sun rose and the wind blue.
5. The ruler.
After Gore died he went to heaven and at the gates was an angel
to show him around. The angel took Al Gore into a room full of
clocks the clocks second hand represented how many times they
had lied in their life. Looking around, He saw mother Teresa’s
whose hand only moved once an hour The second one was George
Washington whose moved 30 seconds and hour after seeing everyone
he knew he noticed Bill Clinton’s was missing so he asked the
Angel where Bills was and the Angel said “oh, Jesus has it in
his room. Al looks surprised at the angel, and the Angel says “I
know what your thinking.. He’s not really special Jesus is just
using as a ceiling fan.”
Once there were three surgeons engaged in conversation.
They got on the topic of their occupation and each stated who they liked to
operate on.
The first doctor said, “I like to work on electricians.”
“Why?” the others replied.
He answered, “When you open them up, they are all color coded so you know
where everything goes.”
The second doctor said, “I like to work on librarians.”
“Why?” the other doctors asked.
He replied, “Librarians are all orgainized in a sophisticated pattern.”
The third doctor said, “Well, I like to work on lawyers.”
“Lawyers?!” replied the others suprised.
“Yes, Lawyers” he stated.
“But why?” they asked him.
“Well, they are gutless, they have no spine, and their heads and butts are
interchangable.”
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a longflight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks ifshe would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to takea nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window tocatch a few winks.The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy anda lot of fun. He explains “I ask you a question, and if you don’tknow the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa.” Again, shepolitely declines and tries to get some sleep.The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t knowthe answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I willpay you $50!” figuring that since she is a blonde that he willeasily win the match. This catches the blonde’s attention andfiguring that there will be no end to this torment unless sheplays, agrees to the game.The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from theearth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches in toher purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to thelawyer.Now, it’s the blonde’s turn. She asks the lawyer, “What goes up ahill with three legs, and comes down with four?” The lawyer looksat her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer andsearches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with hismodem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends heknows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blondeand hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turnsaway to get back to sleep.The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blondeand asks, “Well, so what IS the answer!?” Without a word, theblonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes backto sleep.
20> Ask doctor about that funky growth on my right nipple. 19> Volunteer to atone by singing the national anthem at the World Series. 18> Have Saturday night’s quickie Vegas marriage to Britney annulled. 17> Buy something nice for Ms. Lefty so she won’t feel ignored. 16> Trim pubes for the Grammys. 15> Cancel that DNA test — I’m *definitely* a Jackson. 14> Try a new approach for charming my way into a White House photo-op. 13> Apologize to Paris Hilton for stealing her Web traffic. 12> Have cotter pin installed in nipple to keep jewelry from falling off. 11> Teach Dennis Kucinich how to get some much-needed national attention ASAP. 10> Suggest to Michael’s lawyers that they try using the term libido malfunction in court. 9> Monday, 9 a.m. — mandatory meeting in Ashcroft’s office. 8> Lend Super Bowl outfit to Martha Stewart for upcoming attempt at a mistrial. 7> Blame the CIA, then appoint an independent commission to look into the matter and report back to me after the election. 6> Sue the pants off of Justin Timberlake — preferably on MTV during sweeps week. 5> Rip open the other window and dangle both babies. 4> Stage an open-mouthed kiss with Michael on the Grammys to revive our careers. 3> Book a flight to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. At least *there* you get beads. 2> Prepare wardrobe malfunction for tonight’s date with Ashton Kutcher. 1> Kick that idiot Timberlake’s ass; try to get Free Michael! tattoo removed from left breast. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t. She’s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Top Ten Signs your Local TV Weatherman Is Nuts
10. Every night, his forecast is: “It’s raining men, hallelujah!”
9. Often asks anchorwoman to switch clothes with him.
8. Uses expensive radar equipment to track Michelle Pfeiffer.
7. “Satellite photos” look suspiciously like Polaroids of a desk globe.
6. Appears to have the first spring robin in his mouth.
5. Seen checking into a Motel 6 with a half-inflated weather balloon.
4. Every night he says, “Lordy mama, it’s gonna rain root beer tomorrow!”
3. The symbol on his weather map for an arctic cold front is a snowman giving the finger.
2. Looks a lot like this pinhead. (videotape of Dave in his TV weatherman days)
1. He’s got a tropical storm in his pants.
A lady, desperate for companionship took out an ad in the local paper.
It read: I need a man who won’t beat me up… won’t run away with other women, but he’s gotta be great in bed.
The next day the doorbell rang, and she found a quadrapalegic on her doorstep.
“You have no arms.” she said.
He answered, “I won’t beat you.”
“You have no legs.” she protested.
He said, “I won’t run away with other women!”
Embarassed she inquired, “How can you be great in bed?”
He answers, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
A couple has a male friend who’s visiting from out-of-state, when an unexpected blizzard blows in, and keeps him from traveling. Since the couple has no guest room, he states his intention to find a nearby hotel, and be on his way in the morning.”Nonsense,” says the wife. “Our bed is plenty big enough for all three of us, and we’re all friends here.” The husband concurs, and before long they’re settled in: husband in the middle, wife on his left, friend on his right.After a while, the husband begins snoring, and the wife sneaks over to the friend’s side of the bed, and invites him to have sex with her. Naturally, he’d like to, but he’s reluctant. “We’re in the same bed with your husband! He’ll wake up, and he’ll kill me.””Don’t worry about it,” she says, “he’s such a sound sleeper, he’ll never notice. If you don’t believe me, just yank a hair off of his ass. He won’t even wake up.”So the friend yanks a hair off the husband’s butt, and sure enough, she’s right. Her husband sleeps right through having a hair yanked out of his ass. So, she and the friend have sex, and then she goes back to her side of the bed.After about twenty minutes, though, she’s back on his side of the bed, asking him to do it again. The same argument follows, another hair is yanked from the husband’s rear end, and again they have sex.This keeps up for about half the night, until after about the sixth time, when the wife goes back to her side.Then the husband rolls over, and whispers to his friend, “I don’t mind that you’re shagging my wife, but do you really have to use my ass as your scoreboard?”
A blonde wanted to rent a horse the owner told her, “To make the horse go you say Hallejuah to make it stop you say Amen.”” The blonde got on the horse and said Hallejuah the horse went then the horse was coming to a cliff and the blonde forgot how to stop the horse so she said a prayer. When she said Amen the horse stopped
There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but never able to save any money to do so. One day they came with an idea — each time they have sex, they will put $20.00 bill into piggy bank. They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year.
After that time, they decided that there is enough money for their dream vacation and broke the piggy bank.
The husband looked at their savings and said: “Isn’t it strange. Each time we had sex, I put $20.00 into piggy. But here we have many $50.00 and a few $100.00 bills.”
The wife replied: “Do you think that everybody is as stingy as you are?”