Yours Fun Portal !
It’s legal to play hockey professionally.
The puck is always hard.
The protective equipment is reusable.
It lasts a full hour.
You know you’re finished when the buzzer sounds.
Periods last only 20 minutes.
A 2-on-1 and a 3-on-1 is not uncommon.
You can count on it at least twice a week.
Your parents cheer when you score.
You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
A mom of an 8 year old boy was awaiting her son’s arrival from school. As he ran in, he said he needed to talk to her about making babies. He claimed he knew about the development of a fetus but didn’t understand the answer to that “million dollar question”. Namely, how did the sperm get into the woman?The mom asked the boy what he thought the answer was. The boy said that the sperm is manufactured in the man’s stomach, it rises up to his chest, then throat, and into his mouth whereupon he kisses the woman and deposits the sperm into her mouth.The mom told her boy that that was a good guess, but wrong. She said that she would give him a hint…that the sperm came out of the man’s penis.Suddenly, the boy’s face became quite red and he said, “YOU MEAN YOU PUT YOUR MOUTH ON THAT THING!!??”
El padre de la iglesia se acerca a una de las feligresas m�s buenas:
“Oye, hija, comprender�s que uno es hombre y tiene necesidades, y yo quisiera ver si pudiera haber alguna posibilidad contigo.
“�Pero, padre, estoy casada!”
“No hay problema, dile a tu marido que vienes a misa de gallo”.
“Est� bien, vengo a las doce de la noche”.
Dan las doce y la mujer est� a punto de salir de su casa, despu�s de una ardua pelea con el marido, pero �ste no le cree y va con ella a misa. Llegan y como la misa no comienza, el marido solicita:
“No hay ninguna misa, v�monos ya”.
“Espera, ya va a empezar”.
En eso, se escucha una voz:
“�Dejen de hacer el amor!”
“�O�ste eso, vieja?”
Y se sigue escuchando la voz.
“Voy a subir a ver qu� pasa o qui�n grita”, dice el esposo.
Cuando el hombre sube, el cura sale y lo hace con la se�ora. Baja el marido y le comenta a su esposa:
“�Mi vida, no me lo vas a creer, pero desde all� arriba se ve, claritito, a una pareja haciendo el amor!”
You might be a redneck if…
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You’ve never paid for a haircut.
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just “misunderstood”.
You’ve ever made change in the offering plate.
The fifth grade is referred to as “your senior year.”
You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve…
You own at least 20 baseball hats.
You think a ‘cursor’ is someone who swears a lot.
Windows NT Beer — Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer’s, but the company promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer’s – after Windows 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an “industrial strength” beer, and suggested only for use in bars.
Even more clues you could be a Redneck…
You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You’ve ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
You think the Bud Bowl is real.
Your dog goes “oink!”
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
You know how to milk a goat.
Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache.
Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
You’ve ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.
Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
You have a refrigerator just for beer.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.
You’ve ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
You don’t think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve yourselves.
The most common phrase heard in your house is, “Somebody go jiggle the handle.”
You can’t take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the forth move, the man burst out laughing. She complained to the driver and had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, “Well your Honor
1. Sag, You’re it
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Doc Goose.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Hide and go pee.
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
10. Musical recliners.