Storks

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. “Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”

The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying “Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”

A few days later, the stork’s parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he’s been all night.

The baby stork says, “Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!”

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A guy walks into a whore house and asks what…

A guy walks into a whore house and asks what can I get for a dollar. The guy says floor three room two to your left. He goes there and a old woman answers the door. So they start doing it and the guy says this is dry what can you do to make this better. The woman says all be back in a minuet. A half an hour later she comes out and they do it. When there done the guy says thats my kind of women, what did you do. The lady says I piked all my scabs and let the puss run out.

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Out Of College

You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

Your potted plants stay alive.

Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.

You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

You have to pay your own credit card bill.

You haven’t seen a soap opera in over a year.

8:00 a.m. is not early.

You have to file your own taxes.

You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.

You’re not carded anymore.

You carry an umbrella.

Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up.

You start watching the Weather Channel.

Jeans and baseball caps aren’t staples in your wardrobe.

You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.

You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

You go to parties that the police don’t raid.

Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.

Your car insurance goes down, except when you move to Jersey.

You refer to college students as kids.

You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum. Well,
some of us still drink rum.

You feed your dog Science Diet instead of Taco Bell.

You’re waking up at 6 a.m. instead of going to bed.

College sweatshirts are ‘casual’ instead of dress up.

Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.

Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m.

Dinner and a movie � the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

You get your news from sources other than USA Today, ESPN Sportscenter, and
MTV News.

METABOLISM SLOWDOWN

Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone’s and Mad Dog.

You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

Grocery lists actually contain relatively healthy food.

When drinking, you say at least once per night.

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He didn’t realize he was looking in a mirror.

There were two blondes walking down the street and they spotted a compact.They
rushed over to see who it belonged to so they could return it. The first one
opens it and says, “This person looks familiar” The second one says, “Let me
see.” She looks at her friend and says, “Silly, that’s me!”

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