A note left for a pianist from his wifeGone Chopin, (have Liszt), Bach in a Minuet.
Hemorrhage
American Holiday
Osama bin Laden, severly injured in an American attack, is in a
US Army medical facility, when he asks the attending doctor,
“Doc, when will I die?”
“Unsure of the exact time of death,” his Western doctor says.
“But you will die on an American holiday.”
“How do you know it will be on an American holiday?” asks the
terrorist.
“Oh,” said the doctor, “Any day that you die will be an American
holiday.”
Someone
Catch the Phrase
Yo mamma’s like a . . . . .
Third Grade
The $50 Bet
A blonde and a redhead are watching the 6 o’clock news one evening. The redhead bets the blonde $50 that the man in the lead story, who is threatening to jump from a 40 story building, will jump.”I’ll take that bet,” the blonde replied.A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to report that the man had, indeed, jumped from the building. The redhead, feeling sudden guilt for having bet on such an incident, turns to the blonde and tells her that she does not need to pay the $50.”No, a bet’s a bet,” the blonde replies, “I owe you $50 dollars.”The redhead, feeling even more guilty, replies “No, you don’t understand, I saw the 3:00 edition, so I knew how it was going to turn out.””That’s okay,” the blonde replies, “I saw it earlier too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Potato garden
An old man lived alone in Missouri. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in Jefferson City Prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.
Shortly, he received this reply, “For HEAVEN’S SAKE Dad, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the GUNS!”
At 4 A.M. the next morning, two dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any guns.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.
His son’s reply was: “Now you can plant your potatoes, Dad. It’s the best I could do at this time.”
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Tds181
Q: Why did santa singh took off his clothes…
Alligator Shoes
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair
of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the
high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the
shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own
alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”
The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and
catch yourself a big one!” Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the
swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young
woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a
huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the
creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying
nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in
amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and
frustrated, shouts out, “Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”
Getting a date.
There was a loser who couldn’t get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, “It’s simple. I just say, I’m a lawyer.”
So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said “No,” he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.
She said, “Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?”
He said, “Why,… Yes I am!”
So they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered,
“Well, I’ve only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I’m already screwing someone!”