A recent poll of 2000 women were asked the question: Would you sleep with Bill Clinton?
94% responded “Never again!”
Limo
Dubya, Obviously Not
One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish friend. The friend recommended a kosher place nearby. They arrived and Dubya’s friend ordered them both the house specialty: matzo ball soup. The waiter brought the bowls and George looked at the soup suspiciously, but his friend urged him to try at least one taste. So he took a bite of matzo ball and slurped some soup and clearly liked it. After Dubya was finished he said, “Mmm mmm, that was good! But tell me, do you Jewish folks eat other parts of the matzo, or just the balls?”
It’s Dark in Here
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his
computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all
of the bickering.
Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two
hours and I will judge who does the better job.”
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They mouse. They
did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They
sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy
reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their
time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain
poured and, of course, the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the
underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on and
each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming “It’s gone! It’s all gone! I
lost everything when the power went out!”
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past
two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.
“Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?”
God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”
Swimming Lesson
Q….
Black Testicles
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a
difficult, four hour, surgical procedure. A young, student
nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
“Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles
black?”
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m
only here to wash your upper body and feet.”
He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly
pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in
one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a
close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with
them, Sir!”
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very
slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen
very, very closely ……
Are – my – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b
a c k?
Get Out of The Car
The Lettuce Joke
Un borracho decide pasar la
A quote on marriage
There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards – only physics and war hold him in check. And the wife who wants him home by five, of course. — Encyclopaedia Apocryphia