Purpee Jokes

Un tipo hambriento entra a un restaurante; se sienta en una mesa sucia y ordena:

“Ea, mesero, venga aqu� por favor.”

Pero nadie le hace caso.

Insiste:

“Oiga, mesero, venga por favor”

Nuevamente, nadie le hace caso.

Mientras espera, mira hacia la mesa y ve a 15 hormigas ‘punk’ en motos, armadas con bates, cadenas, navajas y l�tigos persiguiendo a una sola. La hormiga solitaria vest�a chamarra negra, pantal�n de cuero, botas negras y conduc�a una motocicleta plateada.

El hombre, asombrado, observa como el grupo de 15 hormigas intenta atrapa a la hormiga solitaria, cuando, de pronto, la hormiga solitaria da un giro de 180 grados en su veh�culo, saca un l�tigo y de un s�lo golpe tumba a 6 hormigas; se da la vuelta y sigue su camino.

“Las cosas se est�n poniendo buen�simas”, pens� el tipo. Hasta el apetito se le hab�a quitado.

La persecuci�n continuaba, y todas iban a la m�xima velocidad esquivando vasos y platos, de improviso, la solitaria saca del bolsillo una bomba de humo; enciende la mecha y la arroja hacia la pandilla. El humo se expandi� r�pidamente haciendo que las perseguidoras tuvieran poca visibilidad y dos hormigas m�s cayeron al suelo. Ahora �nicamente quedaban 7.

Varias hormigas le arrojaban navajas tratando de agujerear las llantas. Pero la hormiga era sorprendente y se mov�a de lado a lado. Col�rica, la hormiga jefe, una enorme roja, bien fortachona, saca una cadena larga y le pega un latigazo en el brazo a la solitaria. �sta perdi� el equilibrio y se estrell� contra un grano de arroz; r�pidamente la hormiga se levant� y se subi� a la moto, pero cuando levant� la mirada estaba rodeada. Las 7 hormigas punk, irritadas, sacaron sus armas; empiezan a acelerar sin avanzar, la otra hace lo mismo. Entonces las punk aceleran a toda velocidad con las armas al frente, la solitaria saca una cadena y de pronto…

Llega el mesero y limpiando la mesa dice:

“�Qu� le sirvo, se�or?”

Sister Mary Barbie: This spiritual Barbie comes with jointed knees and neck for genuflecting and praying, mini- rosary beads, a mini-bible, and a black sequined nun’s habit (after all, she’s still Barbie). Pull the string on her back and she says nothing because she’s taken a vow of silence.

Admin. Barbie: ** Works twenty hour days for little pay (60% of Admin Ken’s salary), and is the lowest on the totem pole despite being the one that actually runs the group. Comes with mini-laptop. Pull the string on her back and she’ll Schedule+ a meeting with your other dolls, replace the toner cartridge in the laser printer, coordinate a re-org and a move, and order airline tickets for Director Ken.

Temp Barbie: This smartly dressed, intelligent, hard-working and enthusiastic Barbie is ready to go right out of the box, but usually goes untouched for at least a day while everyone tries to figure out why they bought her. Pull the string on her back and she’ll stuff envelopes indefinitely, all the while wondering why she got a liberal arts degree. Comes with mini-resume, and mini-filing cabinet filled with the past five-years worth of US Tax Code revisions which need to be collated.

Ripped-Off-In-The-Divorce-Settlement Barbie*** Pull the string on her back and she unloads a torrent of insults and death threats for her ex’s new wife. Comes with a hatred for all men, and a Malibu Barbie tan (except for a white band on her left hand ring finger).

Birkenstock Barbie: Finally, a Barbie doll with horizontal feet and comfortable sandals. Made from recycled materials.

Bisexual Barbie: Comes in a package with Skipper and Ken.

Bite-The-Bullet Barbie: An anthropologist Barbie with pith helmet, camera, detachable limbs, fake blood, and the ability to perform surgery on herself in the Outback.

Blue Collar Barbie: Comes with overalls, protective goggles, lunch pail, UAW membership, pamphlet on union-organizing and pay scales for women as compared to men. Waitressing outfits and cashier’s aprons may be purchased separately for Barbies who are holding down second jobs in order to make ends meet.

Rebbe Barbie: So why not? Women rabbis are on the cutting edge in Judaism. Rebbe Barbie comes with tiny satin yarmulke, prayer shawl, teffilin, silver kaddish cup, Torah scrolls. Optional: tiny mezzuzah for doorway of Barbie Townhouse.

Homegirl Barbie: Truly fly Barbie in midriff-bearing shirt and baggy jeans. Comes with gold jewelry, hip-hop accessories, and plenty of attitude. Pull cord and she says things like “I don’t think so,” “Dang, get outta my face,” and “You go, girl.” Teaches girls not to take s— from men and condescending White people.

Transgender Barbie: Formerly known as G.I. Joe.

“This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.”If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.”If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.”If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.”That’s me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!”