q.why is an island like the letter t?
a.their both in the middle of wa-t-er.
Glass of Water
One night a father sent his kid to bed.
Five minutes later the boy screamed,
”Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!”
”No. You had your chance,” said the father.
A minute later the boy screamed,
”Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?”
”No. You had your chance.
The next time you ask, I’m going to come up there and give you a good spanking!” said the Dad.
Two minutes later the boy screamed,
”Dad! When you come up to spank me
can you bring me a glass or water?”
Yo mammas so stupid!
I bet you $50
Theres this bar out on a mountain and the only way to get to it is a bridge that leads right up to the door. There is one window and the ground in 1500 ft. down all around the bar.
There are two guys sitting at the bar and one of them says to the other one
“Hey. I bet you $50 that I can jump out of that window and walk right back through the door in 2 seconds without falling to my death”
The other guy says
“Your crazy! But hey! Its your funeral.”
So the guy puts the $50 on the bar, walks over to the window, jumps out and walks right back through the door just like he said.
The other guy amazed (and drunk of his ass)says
“Well if you can do it I sure as hell can do it”
So he slaps $50 on the table, walks over to the window, jumps out and plummets to his death.
The guy who won the bet turns to bartender and tells him to poor him a drink and the bartender says
“Damn, you can be a real ass when your drunk Superman!”
Ways to confuse a roommate
Blonde on the Computer, the Mouse
Many Uses of Hairspray
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, ‘Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole. ‘The grandfather replies, ‘I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole. ‘The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, ‘Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars. ‘The grandfather replies, ‘I know. That’s from your grandma.’
OJ’s Kid
A mama duck, baby duck, mama skunk, and baby skunk were all
crossing the road when the 2 mama animals got ran over. The baby
duck asked the baby skunk, “What am I? What am I?” “Well you got
a beek and feathers you must be a duck.”
“What am I?” asked the skunk. “Well you’re black and white and
your mama was just killed. You must be one of OJ’s kids.”