What do you call ten Italian women together in a steam bath?
Gorillas in the mist.
Hear about the blond
Posthumous bj
A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes
home. One day she picked up the urn he was in, and poured him out on the coffee
table.
Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes.
She said, “You know that fur coat you promised me, Irving?” She answered by
saying, “I bought it with the insurance money!”
She then said, “Irving, remember that new car you promised me?” She answered
again saying, “Well, I bought it with the insurance money!”
Then she said, “And remember the big beautiful house that sits at the top of
the hill that I fell in love with and you said we couldn’t afford?” Once more
she answered saying, “Well I bought that too with the insurance money and I love
living here�.
Still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, “Irving, remember that blow
job I promised you? Here it comes …”
How Many Men to Open
Why does Hillary have more body guards than Bill?
Q: How many believable,
The Top 16 Signs Your Wedding Day Isn’t Going Well (Part II)
16> The ceremony is spoiled by the insistent beeping from the bride’s ankle cuff.
15> You’re forced to exchange vows from separate rooms because of that week-old restraining order.
14> The bride’s father gets his feelings hurt when her pimp insists on giving her away.
13> Even though he’s sitting in the front row, you still don’t remember the Grim Reaper being on the guest list.
12> At the end of the ceremony, Reverend Jones proposes a Kool-Aid toast.
11> Your bride enthusiastically shouts, “I do!” Unfortunately, it’s when the priest asks if anyone objects to the marriage.
10> The ceremony starts in 20 minutes and you’re still fighting over who gets to wear the dress.
9> “Do you take this man, Scott Peterson, to be your….”
8> When the “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” crew shows up to help plan the upcoming honeymoon, your fiance becomes alarmingly smitten with Carson the fashion savant.
7> “Something blue” is Grandma. Better call 911.
6> After greeting your bride by name, the honeymoon hotel clerk asks if she wants the room for the whole night this time.
5> Something old? Check.
Something new? Check.
Something borrowed? Check.
Something blew? Chuck, the best man.
4> You spot Ron Jeremy sitting on the bride’s side of the church.
3> The groom refuses to put on the ring on your finger, saying, “Not the Preciousssss!”
2> Saying your vows extemporaneously was going great until you drew a blank on a rhyme for “clitoris.”
1> You can’t seem to find your tuxedo pants. But even if you could, the wedding is in Nebraska and you’re handcuffed to a dominatrix in Singapore.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
Elephant and Rhino
Iba un �rabe montado en
Iba un �rabe montado en su camello, cruzando el desierto del Sahara cuando de pronto el camello se para y deja de caminar, el �rabe no sab�a por qu� se hab�a detenido y lo empez� a jalar. En eso se encuentra con otro �rabe y le cuenta su problema.
El otro �rabe le describe una posible soluci�n, el due�o del camello la acepta y empiezan a trabajar.
Hacen dos montones de tierra, un poco separados y altos, suben al camello y el �rabe se coloca debajo de los montones de arenay con dos garrafas llenas de agua le pega al camello en los kiwis y el camello sale corriendo.
El due�o del camello le pregunta al �rabe que como va a alcanzar a su camello, a lo que el �rabe le respondi�:
“S�base a los montones de arena”.
Yo Moma-The Cyber Way
Jesus Tackles The Drug
Jesus and his disciples are sitting around a table discussing the current
problem of drugs in todays society, when Jesus decides that the only way to get
an understanding of the problem is to actually try the drugs for themselves. So
Jesus sends his disciples out to the four corners of the earth to bring back a
variety of narcotics for testing.
Several weeks later the first disciple arrives back. There’s a knock on the
door.
“Peter, you have returned and what have you brought for us.”
“My Lord! from Morrocco I have brought some Hash.”
“We’ll done Peter.”
Another knock on the door.
“Simon, what have you brought back from your travels?”
“My Lord! I have brought some Marijuana from the rain forests of Brazil.”
Another knock on the door.
“John, what have you brought?”
“My Lord! I have brought cocaine from Columbia”
Another knock on the door.
“James! what have you brought?”
“My Lord! from the mountains of Nepal I’ve brouht heroin.”
Another knock on the door.
“Mathew, what have you brought?”
“My Lord! from New York city I have brought some crack.”
Then finally there’s a knock on the door and Judas arrives. And Jesus asks?
Judas what have you brought?
“The FBI mothers, this is a bust.”
Sentado en una nube se
Sentado en una nube se encontraba un angelito maric�n tocando su arpa y cantando boleros.
“No se t�, pero yo no dejo de pensar…”
Las estrellitas del cielo ya estaban hasta la madre, pues el angelito cantaba refeo, y una de ella decide hacerlo callar.
La estrella agarra vuelo y �cuaz! se le mete por una oreja al angelito. Este empieza a sacudir la cabeza, diciendo: “�Ayy, zonza, d�jame, fuchi, ayyy!” y logra sacarse la estrellita, la cual se retira de volada.
Vuelve a cantar el angelito maric�n: “La puerta se cerr� de tras de t�…”, y la estrellita toma vuelo y se le mete ahora por la boca. El angelito la escupe y le empieza a pegar con el arpa.
La estrella, para esconderse, se le mete por la cola al angelito, y �ste nada m�s deja escapar un gemido, “Hhhmmmmmmm…” El Angelito, se sienta de nuevo en su nubecita, y empieza a cantar: “�Que se quede el infinito sin estrellas…!”