What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag?
One is made of plastic and is a potential risk to children. The other carries groceries.
Men And Parking Spots
Q: How many hicks
Bathroom
Little Bob and his friend John went to the movies and, before the show, headed
to the bathroom to relieve themselves. Bob relieved himself then
washed his hands, much to his surprise John did just the opposite.
� Hey,” said Bob, “smart boys wash their hands after they pee.”
Holding his head back proudly, young John corrected, “Smart boys learn not to
pee on their hands.”
What a Rediculous Question
The distinguished professor and his chauffeur were talking one day on the way to the next speaking engagement, and the driver said, “I’ve sat in the back and listened to your presentation so many times that I can give it just as well as you can.”
The professor said “I’ll bet you can’t. Just to prove it, we’ll trade clothes in the hotel, and I’ll sit in the back.”
The chauffeur delivered the lecture flawlessly, and the audience applauded him roundly. Then a pompous professor from the local university, wishing to impress his colleagues in the audience, stood and asked a very specific question concerning the driver’s presentation.
The driver said, “I am amazed that you would ask such a silly question. The answer is so obvious that I am going to ask my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, to answer your ridiculous question.”
Fart Face
Japanese Cars
This lady is shopping in a supermarket when she notices this handsome muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the checkouts.Making sure she goes through his line she leans over and asks if he’ll carry her groceries out to which he responds, “Sure lady”.They no sooner get out of the store and she again leans over and whispers, “You know, I have an Itchy Pussy”, to which he responds, “You’ll have to point it out to me lady, all those Japanese cars look alike!!”
Definition of love
Mother Teresa meets Princess Diana
Mother Teresa is walking around Heaven one day as she notices Princess Diana passing by. “What a lovely woman,” Mother Teresa thought, “doing all those wonderful things for the sick and starving of our world.” As Princess Diana passes by, Mother Teresa notices that Diana’s halo is much bigger than that of her own. “I had dedicated my entire life on earth to those sick and hungry, and her halo is bigger than mine?!” So, Mother Teresa decides to go find St. Peter and ask him about her problem.
Upon hearing the problem, St. Peter smiles a little and reassures Mother Teresa that,”It’s not a halo; that’s the steering wheel.”
This old man!
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell’s Angels bikers walked in.
The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter.
The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man’s milk and then he took a seat at the counter.
The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man’s plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a muttering word of protest, the old man gets up from his seat and quietly leaves the diner.
Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, “Humph, not much of a man, was he!”
And the waitress replied, “Not much of a truck driver either.
He just backed his truck over three motorcycles!”