Yours Fun Portal !
The famous general died and his ashes were to be taken to Arlington National Cemetery. All the air lines were booked and there were no other planes available. Someone came up with the idea of using a helicopter. It arrived at 5:00 A.M.
The newspapers reported the incident with the headlines,
“The Whirly Bird Gets The Urn”
Twas the night before Y2K
and all through the house
we all were in hiding,
me, my kids, and my spouse.
The firewood piled
floor to ceiling with care
the cupboards all packed
with non-perishables to spare.
The windows were barred
to protect us from looters
our new generator is safe
`cause it has no computers.
We’ve bought lots of gold
should the dollar collapse
and run up those credit cards
right to the max
and just in case
the banks should all crash
we closed our account
and spent all the cash
on dried foods and water
for our Y2K stash.
As the clock ticked toward midnight
we knew we’d soon learn
the doomsayers were right
it would all crash and burn.
Stretched out in my chair
with my gun in my lap
I decided to take a pre-Y2K nap.
I fell fast asleep
and then, without warning
I opened my eyes
and it was new year’s morning!
The lights were still on
the TV worked too
on all the news channels
there was nothing so new.
The only news
that sounded so bad
was the realization
I’d been Y2K-had.
What I thought was survival
was now but a fad.
Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. “Incredible!,” says his friend. “Medical science is amazing.”
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. “Incredible!,” says his friend. “Medical science is amazing!”
Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can’t find him. He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, “Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday.” The doctor thinks for a minute and says, “Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.”
Two nuns decide they’re going to sneak out of the convent and have a real night on the town. They hit all the bars and dance clubs, and decide they’ve finally got to head back to the convent.To enter the convent’s grounds they have to crawl under some barbed wire. The nuns start crawling under the wire on their bellies.As they’re crawling under the wire, the first nun turns to the second and says, “I feel like a Marine.”The second replies, “Yeah, me too, but where can you find one this time of night?”