Una monja se sube a

Una monja se sube a una micro totalmente llena. No hab�a ni un asiento. Al fondo de la micro hab�a un hippie al cual la monja le pide el asiento dici�ndole:

“Hijo �me podr�as dar el asiento, yo que soy representante de dios?”

La monja insiste tanto rato hasta que el hippie le da el asiento. El hippie tuvo que irse parado en la micro todo el rato hasta que llega a su paradero. Cuando sale por la puerta el chofer le dice:

“Te cag� la vieja…”

“S� pues… vieja de mierda.”

El chofer le dice, “Esta monja va todos los d�as al cementerio a rezar a las 12:00 de la noche y como t� eres hippie y tienes el pelo largo y barba, te disfrazas de jesus y la asustas.”

“Bueno, dice el hippie.”

A las 12:00 llega el hippie peinadito y v� a la monja rezando y aparece entre los arboles y dice:

“�Hola monja. Te tengo una misi�n!”

La monja asustada por ver a Jes�s le dice:

“�En que puedo servirle mi amo?”

“Te voy a culiar toda la noche…”

“�Jes�s?… Bueno ya… Nada m�s que sea por atr�s porque soy virgen…”

El hippie dice que est� bien y le empieza a dar como 2 horas. Ta…ta…ta…

Al final el hippie se desordena el pelo y le dice:

“Monja de mierda, te cagu�….ja ja ja….soy el hippie de la micro….ja ja ja.”

Y la monja dice:

“Ja ja ja !Y YO SOY EL CHOFER DE LA MICRO!”

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Con motivo de las elecciones

Con motivo de las elecciones presidenciales en varios pa�ses de Latinoam�rica, Naciones Unidas ha designado a un grupo de veedores, de distintas partes del mundo, para controlar que el acto se lleve a cabo con total transparencia.

A continuaci�n la lista de los veedores:

Alemania: Herr Doktor Otto von Frauden.

Arabia Saudita: Elim Postor.

Brasil: T. del Falcao do Nascimento.

China: Chan Chu Yo.

Corea del Norte: Chin Guen Guen Son.

Corea del Sur: Kuan Do No.

Cuba: Silvio Panada.

Espa�a: Paco R. Ovando.

Francia: Pierre D’elvotto.

Grecia: Hurto Sinescroupoulos y Akylos Transo.

Holanda: T. Van Aestaffar.

India: Gandhi Sima Farsa.

Israel: Abraham Urnas.

Italia: Massimo Atraco.

Jap�n: Tekito Tuboto.

L�bano: Mestafa Al-Votar.

Panam�: Many Puleo.

Portugal: Santiago de Trampinha.

Rep�blica Checa: Ivana Jodernos.

Rumania: Robele Sinolopescu.

Rusia: Ivana Timar.

Uganda: Amin Mewele Alomimo.

Estados Unidos: Johnny Miro

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Last Supper

Every time a new Pope is elected, there are many rituals and ceremonies to perform, in accordance with tradition.But there’s one tradition that very few people know about…Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the Pope’s presence, whereupon he presents him with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled parchment envelope. The Pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection. The Chief Rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him and does not return until the next Pope is elected.John Paul II was intrigued by this ritual, whose origins were unknown to him. He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican to research it, but they came up with nothing. When the time came and the Chief Rabbi was shown into his presence, he faithfully enacted the ritual rejection but, as the Chief Rabbi turned to leave, he called him back.”My brother,” the Holy Father whispered, “I must confess that we Catholics are ignorant of the meaning of this ritual enacted for centuries between us and you, the representative of the Jewish people. I have to ask you, what is it all about?”The Chief Rabbi shrugs and replies: “But we have no more idea than you do. The origin of the ceremony is lost in the mists of ancient history.”The Pope said: “Let us retire to my private chambers and enjoy a glass of wine together, then, with your agreement, we shall open the envelope and discover at last the secret.” The Chief Rabbi agreed.Fortified in their resolve by the wine, they gingerly pried open the parchment envelope and with trembling fingers, the Chief Rabbi reached inside and extracted a folded sheet of similarly ancient paper. As the Pope peered over his shoulder, he slowly opened it. They both gasped with shock.It was the check for the Last Supper.

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A guy sees a pretty lady at the

A guy sees a pretty lady at the end of the bar and is interested in buying her a drink. He tells the bartender that he will buy her another of whatever she is drinking. The bartender says ”OK, I’ll pour it for her. But just for your information, she’s a hooker. She’ll do what you want for money.”

The drink gets delivered and the woman makes eyes at the guy, inviting him over. After a couple of minutes of chatting, the guy gets up the nerve to ask her: ”The bartender says you’re a hooker, is that true?”

The woman says ”Yes. I do it for the money. In fact, I’ll do anything for $200.”

The guy thinks for a minute and then pulls out $200, gives it to her and says ”Paint my house.”

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Top 12 Reasons Why Swearing is Better than Sex

1. It’s just as much fun by yourself.

2. If you split up with your partner, they won’t spread malicious rumours about the size of your vocabulary.

3. It can be done in public.

4. The cops can’t trace you if you verbally abuse someone, usually.

5. A little one can be just as good as a big one.

6. No one gets jealous if you do it to a lot of people at the same time.

7. You won’t be ridiculed if you do it to someone of the same sex.

8. You can meet a stranger and have them doing it to you three seconds later.

9. It’s much more acceptable at family reunions. Hopefully.

10. If it comes and goes quickly it’s not a bad thing.

11. If you lose it in your old age, you won’t be disappointed.

12. No one spreads rumours about how easy you are to swear at.

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Chemistry song 08

Test Tubes Bubbling(to the tune of “Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire”)Test tubes bubbling in a water bathStrong smells nipping at ypur nose.Tiny molecules with their atoms all aglowWill find it hard to be inert tonight.They know that Chlorine’s on its wayHe’s loaded lots of little electrons on his sleighAnd every student’s slide rule is on the slyTo see if the teacher really can multiply.And so I offer you this simple phraseTo chemistry students in this roomAlthough it’s been said many times, many waysMerry molecules to you.

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Transylvania vacation

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 20 feet in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone. Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, “Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We’ve been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone??” “I’m sorry,” replied the hunchback, “but we don’t have a phone. My master is a Doctor; come in and I will get him!” Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. “I’m afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory.” With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor’s master looks worried. “Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion.” Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills’ deaths upset Igor’s master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting, melody fills the house. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty’s hand twitch. Stunned, he watches as Bob’s arm begins to rise! He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: “Master, Master! … The Hills are alive with the sound of music!

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