Just The Treatment

A young mother was having a consultation with a doctor.

As they spoke, her Little Johnny could clearly be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room – yet she made no attempt to restrain him.

Soon they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing.

Finally, after an extra-loud crash, the woman casually told the doctor, “I hope you don’t mind my Little Johnny playing in there.”

“No, not at all,” said the doctor calmly. “Not at all. I’m sure he’ll calm down as soon as he finds the poison.”

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At the Bull acution.

This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.
The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off:

“A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year.”
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments,
“See! That was more than 5 times a month!”

The second bull is to be sold: “Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year.”

Again the wife bugs her husband, “Hey, that’s some 10 times a month.
What do YOU say to that?!”

Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.

The third bull is up for sale: “And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 360 times last year!”
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells,
“That’s once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!”

The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back, “Sure, once a day!
But ask the announcer if they were all with the same fat cow!!”

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Claiming your deer

A man takes his wife hunting, and impresses on her again and again that “Ify ou shoot a deer, don’t let someone else claim that they shot it also and that since they killed it… it’s *their* deer!” So… he’s in his stand hardly for 10 minutes when he hears his wife shooting nearby. He rushes over to her stand to find her pointing her gun at a man who is loudly disclaiming… “It’s your deer, lady… It’s your deer… Just lemme get my saddle off it!!!”

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Un d�a est� Batman limpiando

Un d�a est� Batman limpiando el batimovil y llega Robin a la baticueva y le dice a Batman:

“Batman, dame un besito.”

“Ven aca Robin, �qu� es lo que tu me est�s diciendo?”

“Que me des un besito.”

“Robin deja tu frecura que yo no soy maric�n.”

“Batman, no seas malo dame un besito.”

“Robin co�o que yo no soy maric�n.”

“Batman, mira, no me vengas con cuentos, que anoche cuando salimos de la fiesta de La Mujer Maravilla, que salimos medio borrachos, nos montamos en el batimovil, tu ibas a manejar, y pusiste la primera, brung brung… pusiste la segunda, pusiste la reversa, volviste a poner la primera, la segunda, la tercera, frenabas, pon�as la primera, la segunda, la tercera, volv�as a frenar y volv�as hasta que llegamos a la baticueva.”

“S� �y qu�?”

“Co�o, Batman, no me vengas con cuentos, que tu sabes que el batimovil es autom�tico.”

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Dentro de muchos muchos a�os,

Dentro de muchos muchos a�os, est� Dios sentado en su trono y como esta solo y aburrido decide que quiere que dos personajes de la historia de la humanidad se sienten a su lado, para lo cual hace poner un asiento a su izquierda y otro a su derecha.

Luego de pensarlo mucho Dios arma una terna que esta formada por Bill Clinton, Jhon Lennon y Carlos Menem, ex presidente de Argentina, de los cuales uno de ellos se sentar� a la derecha de Dios y otro a la izquierda. Para decidir quienes ser�n Dios decide hacerles preguntas a los candidatos a cerca de sus creencias.

Pasa Clinton primero y Dios desde su trono le pregunta:

“Clinton, digame �qu� cree usted?”

Y Clinton responde:

“Yo creo que en el mundo debe triunfar la democracia, la lucha por los ideales, que cada uno debe buscar justicia e igualdad y la verdad. Creo que hay que luchar por un mundo m�s solidario”.

Dios conforme con la respuesta le dice que se siente a su derecha. Luego pasa Lennon y Dios le pregunta:

“Lennon, digame �qu� cree usted?”

Lennon le contesta:

“Yo creo en la paz en el mundo, en la hermandad de los hombres, creo en el amor y en la fraternidad”

Dios muy contento con la respuesta le dice a Lennon que se siente a su izquierda. Por �ltimo pasa Carlos Menem y Dios se da cuenta de que ya no hay mas lugares pero para ser justo igual le pregunta:

“Y usted Menem, �que cree?”

A lo cual Menem le contesta:

“Yo creo que usted est� sentado en mi lugar”.

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GOLFERS

two businessmen are standing on the tee at an exclusive golf
club.

suddenly the first guy starts holding his ear and listening
intently…noticing the look of confusion on his partners face,
he explains that he has had his mobile phone receiver implanted
into his ear so that he can pick up urgent messages from the
office at any time day or night.

at the second hole he starts to talk loudly to nobody in
particular…once again he explains that using the latest
state-of-the-art technology he has had one of his teeth
microchipped allowing him to speak to clients without the
inconvenience of holding a phone to his ear.

suddenly on the third hole he screws up his face,clutches his
stomach, darts behind a bush , drops his trousers, and squats.

his partner cannot believe what he is seeing, and shouts “What
the hell are you doing?”

to which he replies

” be with you in a minute….urgent fax!!!”

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Bastard

A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time,
catching a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to
marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they
didn’t, sent them off to get one.

They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got
the license from him. When they got back to the judge, he
pointed out they had filled the names in backwards–his where
hers belonged and vice versa.

They rushed back to the clerk’s office, caught him again, and
got another license. This time, the judge noticed that the clerk
had filled in the date in the wrong format. Again they catch the
clerk… After five reissued licenses, the judge was finally
satisfied.

Judge: “I hope you appreciate why I made you keep going back. If
there are irregularities in the license, your marriage would not
be legal, and any children you might have would be technical
bastards.”

Groom: “That’s funny! That’s just what the clerk called you.”

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