Yours Fun Portal !
During a routine flight out of New York, a blond passenger stood
up on, pulled out a gun, and announced, “I’m taking over this
plane. Take me to Chicago.”
A stewardess walked over to the blond and whispered in his ear,
“We’re already going to Chicago.”
“Oh. Good.” The blond then sat back down.
The person who knows everything has the most to learn.
The less a man knows, the easier it is to convince him he knows it all.
Nothing annoys me more than a man who thinks he knows it all and does.
Feel sorry for the man who has been educated beyond his intelligence.
The only successful substitute for a lack of brain is silence.
The more a man knows himself, the less he says about it.
A wise man never blows his knows.
If a little learning is a dangerous thing, then most people are safe.
Knowing a lot is of no value if what you know isn’t so.
An ignorant person is one who doesn’t know what you just found out.
486 – The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art – Any computer you can’t afford.
Obsolete – Any computer you own.
Microsecond – The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become
obsolete.
G3 – Apple’s new Macs that make you say, “Gee, three times faster than the
computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.”
Syntax Error – Walking into a computer store and saying, “Hi, I want to buy a
computer and money is no object.”
Hard Drive – The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a
Syntax Error.
GUI – What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (Pronounced
“gooey”)
Keyboard – The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse – An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy – The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Portable Computer – A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on
vacation, and on business trips.
Disk Crash – A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
Power User – Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.
System Update – A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.
A man is sitting in the pub, having a round with his pals when the most
gorgeous woman enters the room. The man is dumbfounded by this woman’s
beauty and comments about her to his mates.
“Yeah, she is pretty good.” his mate replies, “Pity she’s a man.”
The man is shocked, “No way!”
“No, it’s true. A friend of mine knows her personally.”
The man is dissapointed that such a fine looking woman is in fact a man.
But at the same time, he is curious. He tells his mates that he is going
to find out what sex he/she really is.
So the man goes up to the “woman” and strikes up a converstaion. They hit
it off really well. And the man is loving it because this woman is even
better looking up close. Before long the man suggests that he drives them
out to a secluded spot and get to know each other. The woman agrees.
They drive to the woods and are getting hot and heavy in the back of the
car. They continue the “clothes on” making out for a while, until the
woman gets out of the car, explaining that she has to answer to the call
of nature.
“This is my chance,” thinks the man, “I’ll follow her and find out what
sex she is.” So he walks into the woods ducking behind trees in case he is
seen, until he sees the woman standing with something long dangling
between her legs.
“Damn! She’s got a dick!” he thinks, “She’s a man.” The man is outraged
and races towards her, dives down and grabs the thing between her legs.
“Oh my gosh!” The woman cries, “I didn’t know you were following me!”
“And I didn’t know you were taking a shit!” The man replies.
The Horses are at the gate:1. Passionate Lady 2. Bare Belly 3. Silk Panties 4. Conscience 5. Jockey Shorts 6. Clean Sheets 7. Thighs 8. Big Dick 9. Heavy Bosom 10. Merry Cherry And away they go:Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk anties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs, Big Dick is in a very dangerous spot.In the back stretch:It’s Bare Belly on top. Thighs open and Big Dick is pressed in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick.Around the final turn:Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Dick is making a final drive. Bare Belly is in and Passionate Lady is coming.At The Finish:It’s Big Dick giving everything he’s got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Dick has to offer. It looks like a dead heat but Big Dick comes through with one final sprint and wins by a head. Bare Belly shows. Heavy Bosom weakens and Thighs pull up. Clean Sheets never had a chance.The winner, Big Dick by a head.
There once was this man who wanted a hotel room.
he went to the nearest Holiday Inn.
The clerk there said, “Alright this is your room.
The sink is there, dial 9 to get out of
the hotel.
But whatever you do…”
“What?” the man asked.
“Don’t stick your cock in the 3 holes in the wall
over there!” the clerk warned.
“Fine!” the man said.
The man went to bed that night, but couldn’t sleep
wondering about those holes.
He stuck his cock in the first hole and felt an unusually
pleasant sensation, and in all is excitement, stuck it in the
second one, which felt even better than the first.
He then stuck it in the third one, and it was the most painful
one of
all.
It hurt so bad, he passed out.
He woke up to the clerk slapping him.
“Wake up!”
“What happened?” the man asked.
“You stuck your cock in the wall, didn’t you?” the clerk asked.
“Yeah,” the man responded, “what was in the holes? The first two
were good, but the third one hurt like a bitch!”
The clerk responded, “Well, in the first hole was a dog’s ass,
the second hole was my wife, and the third hole was a milking
machine that doesn’t stop until 20 gallons.”
IT’S OFFICIAL : CHEMISTRY LECTURES ARE A YAWN.October 9, 1995A scientist has come up with proof of something students have known for years — chemistry lectures are boring. In an article published in the current issue of Chemistry in Britain, a university chemistry lecturer introduced a guest lecturer to a class of 50 doctoral candidates.Then, he and his colleagues studied variations in what he calls the HTFDR — “head-to-floor distance reduction.” After about an hour , the average HTFDR dropped from 135cm to 121cm, said the author of the study, who preferred to remain anonymous.The HTFDR immediately bounced back to normal when the speaker uttered the magic words: “And in conclusion . . .”