there are three guys golfing a pope a biship and a cardinal and the pope and the bishup get hole in ones 2 times and the cardinal says oh shit and the pope says if the cardinal says that again he will get god to strike him down so the cardinal says it again and the pope says god strike him down and god throw a lightning bolt at the pope by acadent and god says oh shit
The Top 16 Other Things McDonald’s Hasn’t Told You
16> The shakes? Also fried in beef fat.
15> Tell the vegetarians to brace themselves; we have some bad news about the salads.
14> Want to avoid beef fat altogether? Try our hamburgers.
13> Mayor McCheese has had five coronary bypass surgeries.
12> Burgers that don’t sell after two days spend the rest of the month as “Filet-O-Fish.”
11> The Hamburglar MUST dress like that because of Megan’s Law.
10> McNuggets are shaped to honor the states with lenient meat-handling laws.
9> The reason we wear rubber gloves is for OUR protection, not yours.
8> The real Ronald McDonald died in 1969, trying to wrestle the controls of a small plane from an inebriated Hamburglar.
7> We never asked; we just assumed you’d prefer it lukewarm.
6> The Bible might be a series of allegorically instructive fables, rather than historically factual accounts.
5> You can McNugget almost anything and people still think it’s chicken.
4> If our lawsuit succeeds, many Irish people will lose the first two letters of their surname, as did Hammer.
3> We modeled Ronald on a painting by John Wayne Gacy.
2> Actually, seeing you smile kind of creeps us out.
1> “Okay, you got us; there aren’t really any salads back here.”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]Wood You Tell?
Jack and Dan work together and are good friends while at work.
Outside of work they live different lives. One day, Jack and Dan
are in the breakroom relaxing and drinking coffee when Jack asks
Dan the following:
JACK: Hey Dan can I ask you a personal question?
DAN: It depends, how personal?
JACK: Not much. Just wondering if you keep any secrets from your
wife?
DAN: Oh no. I tell my wife everything.
JACK: Really. Then let me ask you this. If you went camping in
the woods. You got all drunk and passed out, and in the morning
you woke up with scrapes all on your knees and hands. And coming
out of your ass was a used condom! Would you tell your wife that?
DAN YELLS: Hell no!
JACK: Okay! (Pauses a few seconds) Hey Dan, Wanna go camping?
Chain Letter
This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your wife or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, of whom 4 were worth keeping. REMEMBER this chain brings luck. One man’s pit bull died and the next day he received a Playboy swimsuit model. An unmarried man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooters waitress and a Hollywood super model. You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain and got his own wife back again. Let’s keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below! > Bill Clinton> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave> Washington DC>> William Jefferson Clinton> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave> Washington DC>> W. J. Clinton> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave> Washington DC>> William Clinton> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave> Washington DC>> W. Jefferson Clinton> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave> Washington DC>> William J. Clinton> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave> Washington DC>> Slick Willie Clinton> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave> Washington, DC>> Mr. Hillary Clinton> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave> Washington DC
In front of a church:…
crazy
French Happiness
When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the American ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame deGaulle.”Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and International scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?””A penis,” replied Madame deGaulle.A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer…and no one knew what to say next.Finally, Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said, “Ma cherie, I believe zee Americans pronounce zat word, ‘appiness.”
Sex survey
The research worker, conducting a sex survey, phoned one of the husbands whose completed form was spread out before him.
“Mr. Pullman, there seems to be some discrepancies between the answers of you and your wife to the same question.
For example, under ‘Frequency of Intercourse’ you wrote ‘Three times a week’ and your wife ‘Three times a night’.”
“Well, that’s right,” replied the husband, “but that’s only until we have paid off the mortgage on the house.
Dumb men
Frosted Flakes
A newer guy in Bar
Smile!
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
“First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner.
“Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.”
The Inspecdor asked, “What of the third body?”
“Ah,” says the coroner, “this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning.”
“Why is he smiling then?” inquires the Inspector.
“Thought he was having his picture taken.