A grade school teacher

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A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a
living. Timmy stood up and said, “My mom is a doctor!” Sarah stood up and said,
“My father is a professor!” Little Johnny stood up and said, “My dad is a piano
player in a whorehouse!”

The teacher couldn’t believe what she’s had just heard, so she made a point of
calling Little Johnny’s father that evening to discuss the situation. Little
Johnny’s father explained, “Actually, I’m a law attorney, but how am I supposed
to explain that to a seven year old kid!”

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Historical Wife

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A man complains to a friend, “I can’t take it anymore.”

“What’s wrong?” his concerned friend asks.

“It’s my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!”

“You mean hysterical,” his friend said, chuckling.

“No, I mean HISTORICAL,” the man insists. “Every argument we have, she’ll go “I still remember that time when you ….”

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George Bush visits a school.

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Wondering how his popularity was among the children, the American president,
George Bush visits a school. After explaining a little bit of the governmental
platform, he asks the kids if they had any questions.

Bob raises his hand and says:
I have 3 questions for you…
1) How did you manage to win the elections, even though you had less votes?
2) Why do you want to attack Iraq without clear reasons?
3) Don’t you think that the Hiroshima bomb was the biggest act of terrorism in
the world’s history?

At this very moment the bell rings and all the kids run out of the classroom.

After the break, Bush tells the kids to feel free to ask him more questions
and this time Joey raises his hand and says: I have 5 questions for you…

1) How did you manage to win in the elections, even though you had less votes?

2) Why do you want to attack Iraq without clear reasons?
3) Don’t you think that the Hiroshima bomb was the biggest act of terrorism in
the world’s history?
4) Why did the bell sound 20 minutes earlier today?
5) Where’s Bob?

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The Lazy Husband

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The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me?”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”

“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

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The mental hospital

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An english, irish and scottish man all admitted to a mental hospital.the doctor came around to check if they are well enough to leave.
The first patient he came to was the english man and he found he was throwing his arms up and down in the air. he asks “what on earth are you doing?” the english man replies “taking the stars out of the sky!” so the doctor replies “your staying put”.
The next patient he came to was the scottish man and he found he to was throwing his arms up and down in the air, he asks “wot are you doing?” the scottish man replies “putting the stars back up into the sky!” so the doctor replies your staying put”.
the next patient he came to was the irish man and he found him on the floor sitting up making car noises, he asks “wot in gods name are you doing?” the irish man replies “im getting the fuck out of here, everyones gone fucking mental”.

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Two hunting bats

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Two bats were out one night looking for blood, but after a few hours of unsuccessful huntingthey decided to go home.In the wee hours of the morning, one of the bats was so hungry he had to go out hunting again.An hour later he came back all covered in blood.
‘Where did you get that blood ?’said the other bat, full of enevy.

‘Come and I’ll show you.’So out they went into the night.

‘See that tree over there?’said the bat covered in blood.

‘Yeah.’

‘Well I didn’t!’

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Oh the Guilt

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After a long sequence of lovemaking, the doctor glanced adoringly at his lady love, who dozed next to him. Suddenly, he felt a sharp pang of guilt.

“Relax, Howard,” he told himself. “You�re not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients.”

“No,” another inner voice says.., “but, you�re a veterinarian!”

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Hab�a en un corral un

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Hab�a en un corral un torete que siempre deseaba a la ternera de la otra cerca, pero, como la cerca estaba alambrada a una altura de dos metros, este no pod�a pasar y dec�a a si mismo, “alg�n d�a saltar� esa cerca y por fin ella ser� m�a”.

Pasaron dos a�os y el torete se convirti� en un toro grande y robusto y se dijo:

“Por fin soy lo suficientemente grande y saltar� esa cerca para hacer m�a a esa linda vaquita.”

Tom� una distancia de cinco metros para saltar y a toda carrera logr� saltarla traspasando el alambre de p�as. Al caer se sacudi� y se acerc� a la vaquita que estaba como �l la deseaba. y le pregunt�:

“Amiguita �c�mo te llamas?”

“Mi nombre es MARISOL, pero, solo dime MARI por el SOL est� en el cielo. �y t�?”

“Yo me llamo JUAN TROLON pero solo dime JUAN por que mis TROLAS est�n en el cerco.”

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