Taipei, Taiwan (AP) – Diners tempted to lick a plate after a delicious meal can now go a step further – eat the plate.Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor, announced Friday that he had perfected an edible plate made from wheat grain, and that he planned to mass-produce it and other edible crockery including cups, bowls and food containers.Chen spent six years developing the plate, which he said would retail at about 7 cents each.Diners who don’t want to eat the items – which taste like unsalted popcorn – can boil them for a nutritious meal for animals, he said.Chen said this can help reduce pollution caused by discarded crockery. The only disadvantage, he said, is his crockery cannot be washed and reused.
Tomcat
A technology buff, Mel spent hours pouring over the ad in ‘Popular Engineering’ for a ball-bearing mousetrap.
He tried to figure out how it could possibly work, then finally gave up and sent for one.
A week later, a tomcat arrived via parcel post.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Do you know what Ted Kennedy has that Bill…
Noisy neighbor…
Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil
McNell from Barra, but anyway..) went to study at an English
university and was living in the hall of residence with all the
other students there. After he had been there a month, his
mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of
tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky).
“And how do you find the English students, Donald?” she
asked.
“Mother,” he replied, “they’re such terrible, noisy people. The
one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won’t
stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all
night.”
“Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful
noisy English neighbours?”
“Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here
quietly, playing my bagpipes.”
Walking on the Clouds
There people die, person 1, person 2, and person 3.Persons 2 and
3 saw person 1 walking with this really ugly guy/girl. they said
eeewwww. Why are you walking with that really ugly guy/gurl.
Person 1 said its my punishment for walking on the clouds. The
Next day they saw person 3 walking with this really ugly
guy/girl. they asked why are you walking with that really ugly
guy/girl. He/She answered with thats my punishment for walking
on the clouds. Then the next day persons 1 and 3 saw person 2
walking with this really fine guy/girl. They said why are you
walking with that fine guy/girl. they guy/girl replied its my
punishment fot walking on the clouds
Naked in the hall
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the showers.
He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.
Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he’s a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his dick.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap. ‘Oh look,’ says the second nun, ‘a soap dispenser.’
To test her theory she also pulls his dick… and sure enough he drops the last bar of soap.
The third nun then pulls, first once, then twice and three times.
Still nothing happens. So she tries once more and to her delight she yells, ‘Look, hand cream!’
Twelve Days of Xmas (Classic)
December 14th
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised.
With dearest love and affection, Agnes
————————————–
December 15th
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves…. I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love, Agnes
————————————–
December 16th
Dear John:
Oh, aren’t you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don’t deserve such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist…. you’re just too kind.
Love Agnes
—————————————
December 17th
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don’t you think enough is enough? You’re being too romantic.
Affectionately, Agnes
—————————————-
December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each finger. You’re just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love, Agnes
—————————————–
December 19th
Dear John:
When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you’re back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can’t sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!
Cordially, Agnes
——————————————
December 20th
John:
What’s with you and those fricking birds???? Seven swans a-swimming. What kind of damn joke is this? There’s bird poop all over the house and they never stop the racket. I’m a nervous wreck and I can’t sleep all night. IT’S NOT FUNNY…….So stop with those fricking birds!
Sincerely, Agnes
——————————————-
December 21st
OK Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? It’s not enough with all those birds and eight maids a-milking, but they had to bring their own damn cows. There is poop all over the lawn and I can’t move into my own house. Just lay off me. SMART ASS.
Ag
———————————————-
December 22nd
Hey Buttface:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there’s nine pipers playing. And geeeez – do they play. They never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset are stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me. You’ll get yours.
From Ag
———————————————-
You Rotten Prick:
Now there’s ten ladies dancing – I don’t know why I call those sluts ladies. They’ve been balling those nine pipers all night long. Now the cows can’t sleep and they’ve gotdiarrhea. My living room is a river of poop. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn’t be condemned. I’m sicking the police on you.
One who means it, Ag
———————————————-
December 24th
Listen Asshole:
What’s with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and aforementioned “ladies”? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All 234 of the birds are dead. They have been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you’re satisfied, you rotten swine.
Your sworn enemy, Miss Agnes McCallister
———————————————-
December 25th
(From the law offices Taeker, Spredar, and Baegar)
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
smells good
Jerry and Ken
Poison
The difference 1
The Wedding Night
A young couple get married and they have never made love
before. On their wedding night the wife is quite anxious to get
things going, but the man seems to be having some difficulty.
Finally, he starts to undress. She notices his knees are deeply
pockmarked and scarred. So the wife said “What happened to you?”
The man said “When I was very young I had the kneesles.” He
took off his socks and when his wife saw that his toes were all
mangled and deformed she said “I don’t understand. What happened
to your feet?”
“Well you see, when I was a young boy I had tolio.” So the
man takes off his shorts and the woman says, “Don’t tell
me…smallcox.”