Love is a sensatoin that hurts like an operation when a boy
sticks his dicktation into a girl’s combulation. You start a
conversation, he says your cute, he says your fine but when the
baby comes he says it isn’t mine. The daddy’s a bastard, the
momma’s a whore the baby woldn’t be here if the rubber hadn’t
torn.
Mike Tyson One-Liners
Tyson’s psychologist told Mike to take a year off. He obviously misunderstood.
Good thing he didn’t say two.
Evander after the fight: “Maybe I shouldn’t have told him to ‘Bite Me’.”
Tyson’s favorite football team: the Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS.
For the third fight between Mike and Evander, Tyson wants it to be held in
Earie, PA.
They are making a new boxing term for Tyson. Instead of KO, it will be a Van
Gogh. “Evander was Van Gogh-ed in the third.”
Can’t beat um? Eat um.
If Tyson fights Golatta, is it more points for a low blow or an ear bite?
In this corner Evander the “Real Meal” Holyfield!
Before the fight, Mike’s trainer told him to get a piece of Holyfield. Oops,
bad advice.
Iron BITE Tyson, the heavyweight CHOMP of the world.
MAKING THE TEAM
A sweet young thing took her seat on opening day of her college class.
The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Why are you
wearing a football jersey?”
She replied, “Why, I bought it and own it, why shouldn’t I wear it?”
He said, “You’re not supposed to wear it unless you’ve made the team.”
“Oh,” she replied sweetly, “Who did I miss?”
Help,help!!!!!!!!
1st grade
New Word Meanings
The Washington Post�s Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some of the winners:
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high up on walls.
Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit, and the recipient who doesn’t get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It�s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it�s, like, a serious bummer, man.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts only until you realize it was your money to start with.
Gay Race
Wrong size
There once lived a man named Jack. Jack was very unfortunate in that that he eyes having always bulged out every since he hit puberty. It was a very big problem for Jack, because no girls were every attracted to him. The bulging eyes were a big turn-off.
Finally, after some consideration Jack goes to the doctor with his problem, always too embarrassed to go in the past. After closely listening to Jack’s problem and after long examination, the doctor tells the Jack that there’s only one way to solve Jack’s problem, and that way is to cut off Jack’s balls.
Jack completely rejects the solution at first, but then begins to think that what good are his balls if he can’t get laid anyway. And, since his bulging eyes are keeping him from getting laid in the first place, maybe losing his balls for the sake of looking normal wasn’t such a bad idea.
So, a day later Jack returns to the doctor and tells him to cut off his balls. Jack goes through with the surgery, and behold, the day after the surgery he looks into the mirror and finds that his eyes are no longer bulging out. Very happy with his new look, Jack decides to treat himself to some new clothes, go to a club, and get fucked.
Based on recommendations from friends, Jack goes to a certain tailor to get some new clothes. As soon as Jack comes in, the tailor says, “Stop! Don’t say anything! I bet I can tell you all your clothes sizes without you telling me anything or without my even using a measuring tape.”
“Take your shot,” says Jack.
The tailor says, “Ok, your shirt size is large, your pants waste size is 36, your pants length is 32, your underwear size is 38, and your….”
“Ha!” interrupted Jack. “You are wrong, my underwear size is 34!”
“That’s impossible!” exclaimed the tailor, very puzzled, “If your underwear size was 34, your eyes would be bulging out like crazy!”
Corpsalicious!
One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, ”There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don’t fear anything.” After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse’s anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same. After hesitating, they all did it. ”Next,” the professor said, ”you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger.”
Labels can be so misleading
What’s the definition of an
Save my spot
Bill and Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night at the White House. Hillary
wakes up and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. “Bill, Bill wake up.”
Bill stays sleeping. Hillary continues, “Bill, Bill wake up.”
Bill finally wakes up and says, “What do you want?”
Hillary responds, “I have to go use the bathroom.”
To which Bill says, “Please tell me you didn’t wake me up just to tell me you
have to go to the bathroom.”
Hillary says, “No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot.”