Q. What does an aboriginie call a sheet of corigated iron?
A. A doona!
Positions
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.
“Does your wife ever … well, you know … does she … well, let you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two.
“Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s into the dog trick aspect of it.”
“Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?”
“Well… not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead.”
Yo mama is so fat
A blonde’s car breaks down, so she walks to…
A blonde’s car breaks down, so she walks to the nearest garage to look
for a phone, so that she can phone her mom.
The garage attendant eyes her up and down, winks and asks what he can do
for her.
She replies ” I need to use a phone, so that I can let my mom know that
my car has broken down”
“Sorry, love, no phone here” he says, then adds “….well, I might have
one through in the back office..” wink wink.
Gratefully she follows him through into a dingy room.
The man starts unbottoning his trousers and orders her to got down on her
knees.
She follows the instruction, and he waits rather anoyed with his pants
round his ankles.
“Go on then, “he says
She picks up his erection in her hands, brings it towards her mouth and says
“Hello..Mom?”
Q: How many freelance
El marido sale del ba�o
Try to explain yourself
While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was just sitting there smiling and laughing. The motorist passed on by and went a couple of miles on down the road. All of a sudden he spun his car around and sped back toward the fortune teller. As he got closer to the still laughing fortune teller he began to slow down. He pulled up next to the woman and jumped out of his car and suddenly began slapping and beating her.A policeman passing by screeched to a stop and wrestled the man to the ground. After cuffing the man he stood him up and asked him, “What do you think you’re doing?”After a moment the man replied, … “Well, I’ve always wanted to strike a happy medium.”
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
Un abogado se muere y
Un abogado se muere y se va al cielo, llega y toca la puerta. En eso sale San Pedro y le dice: “�T� quien eres?”
“Yo soy abogado y me han mandado al cielo”, responde al abogado. “�No, no! t� no puedes entrar ac�.”
“�Pero c�mo que no puedo entrar?, �t� quien eres para decirme que no puedo entrar?”
“�Como?… yo soy San pedro, el que decide si entras o no.”
“A ver, �d�nde est� tu t�tulo que dice que eres San pedro, el �nico que puede dejar o no entrar al cielo?”
“Un momento,” dice San Pedro, y se va corriendo a buscar a Jes�s y le cuenta lo que pasa con el abogaddo.
Entonces sale Jes�s: “Bueno, hombre, al parecer t� no puedes entrar al cielo porque ya no tenemso espacio, y ya… ya no pues.”
“�C�mo que no hay sitio, t� qui�n eres para que no me dejes entrar?”
“Yo soy Jesus el hijo de Dios y te digo que ya no puedes entrar al cielo.”
“�C�mo que hijo de Dios? �Cu�l Dios?, a ver, ense�ame tu partida de nacimiento donde dice que eres el hijo de Dios.”
Entonces Jesus va a buscar a Dios…
“Pap�… all� afuera hay un abogado que quiere entrar al cielo, primero le pidi� su t�tulo a San Pedro, luego me pidi� partida de nacimiento para ver si soy hijo de Dios… �qu� hago?”
“Ya, ya, ya… d�jalo entrar, �no vaya ser que me pida partida de matrimonio!”
What is a Jewish American Princess’s favorite…
Fucking machine
A man was going away on a trip for work. Before he left he stopped at an Adult Toy store to pick up something for his wife while he was away because she was a sex-aholic.
He didnt want her fucking just any guy so when he went into the store he told the clerk his issue.
The man said “I have just what you need”.
He went to the back and brought out a large green box. “This is my little green fucking machine. It never tires and it will “DO” whatever you want it to. Just say “Little Green Fucking Machine”, and whatever you want it to fuck and when you are done just say little green fucking machine off. It wont stop til it’s off”.
So the man bought the toy and went home to show his wife. She was very amused and decided to use it no more than 5 minutes after he left.
“Little green phucking machine….me”. She and the machine went at it for 4 or 5 hours.
When she was done she realized she didn’t remember the command to turn it off. So she threw it off of her and ran away….butt naked.
A neighbor saw the woman running in the nude and called the police.
When the police officer stopped the woman about a mile down the road she told him the whole story.
When she was through the officer laughed and replied “little green phucking machine my ass”.
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtius
Naked
There was once an old man and a parrot living alone together for 40 years.
One day, the parrot came to the old man and said, “You know, I’ve never had a woman in my life.”
So the old man, as a favor to his best friend, went to the pet store and talked the owner into letting him use a female parrot for one night for the fee of 40 dollars.
He took the female home, put it into the cage with his parrot, covered the cage and went to bed. He was awoken in the middle of the night to the female parrot screaming she was being killed.
He ran out and pulled the cover off the cage. There he saw his male parrot ripping all the feathers off of the female.
“What are you doing?” the old man screamed.
The parrot replied, “Are you kidding, for 40 dollars, I at least want the bitch naked!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
First Date
On their first date, Joe took Rose to the carnival. When he asked her what she wanted to do first, Rose replied, “Get weighed.”So Joe took her to the man with the scale who guesses people’s weight. He looked at Rose and said, “One hundred and twenty pounds.” Since Rose weighed in at one seventeen, she collected a prize.Next they went on the roller coaster. When the ride was finished, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next.”Get weighed,” she said. So they went back to the man with the scale, who of course guessed Rose’s weight correctly.Leaving without a prize, they went for a ride on the merry-go-round. After they got off, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next.”I want to get weighed!” she said again.Joe began to think this girl was quite strange, and decided to end the evening quickly. He left her at the door with a quick handshake.Rose’s roommate was waiting up for her to return and asked how the evening went.”Wousy!” Rose replied.