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Una se�ora se va a operar de las tetas. Cuando la operacion termina ella dice:
“Se�or, pero no tengo nada. Estoy peor que antes.”
“Lo que pasa es que usted tiene que agitar los brazos y se le inflar�n”, le responde el doctor, mientras le mueve los brazos como una gallina.
D�as despu�s la se�ora iba por la calle y se encuentra a un hombre bien parecido y le dice:
“�Quiere venir a tomar un caf�” lo dice agitando los brazos.
“Por supuesto”, le contesta el hombre, moviendo las piernas como loco.
A blonde is on board a small two seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.
“Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!”
Ground control receive her call for help and answers back:
“Don’t worry, madam. I’ll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position”
“I’m 5″2′ and sitting in the front”
An American is walking down the street when he sees a Polak with a very long pole and a yardstick. He’s standing the pole on its end and trying to reach the top of it with his yardstick.
Seeing the Polak’s ignorance, the American wrenches the pole out of his hand, lays it on the sidewalk, measures it with the yardstick, and says, “There! 10 feet long.”
The Polak grabs the yardstick and shouts, “You idiot American!
I don’t care how long it is! I want to know how high it is!”
A guy sees his buddy in a bar and says, “You’re not going to believe this, but I’ve got a wild nymphomaniac in my car out in the parking lot. She’s wearing me out! Can you go out to the car and keep her busy? The dome light is off, so she won’t know you’re not me!” His friend agrees and goes out to his car.They climb into the back seat and start going at it. A few minutes later,a cop sees them and starts banging on the window, shining his flashlight inside. “What the hell do you two think you’re doing?” The guy says, “Oh, there’s nothing wrong, she’s my wife.” The cop says, “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know.” The guy says “Neither did I until you shined that light in here.”
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts the sentence with, `A man once told me…’How do you fix a woman’s watch?You don’t. There’s a clock on the stove.Why do men pass gas more than women do? Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course… at least he’ll shut up after you’ve let him in.All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?A woman who won’t do what she’s told.What do you call a woman with two brain cells?Pregnant.I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her intelligence? Divorced.Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90 percent – wedding cake.
Two mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the
average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one
disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of
math.
The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the
second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his
friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has
to do is answer “one third x cubed.”
She repeats “one third — dex cue”?
He repeats “one third x cubed”.
She asks, “one thir dex cuebd?”
“Yes, that’s right,” he says.
So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, “one thir dex cuebd…”.
The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that
most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde
waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over
the waitress and asks “what is the integral of x squared?�
The waitress says “one third x cubed” and while walking away, turns back and
says over her shoulder “plus a constant!”