Purpee Jokes

A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check. After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers’ money in the form of a company check. However, due to the name of the company, few people will present these checks to their banks.

The name of the company: “The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company.”

A monastery in the English countryside had fallen on hard times, and decided to establish a business to defray their expenses, such as a bakery or winery.

Being English, however, they decided to open a fish and chips restaurant.

The establishment soon became very popular, attracting people from all over.

One city fellow, thinking himself clever, asked one of the brothers standing nearby, “I suppose you’re the ‘fish friar’?”

“No”, answered the brother levelly, “I’m the ‘chip monk’.”

Submitted by Calamjo
EWdited by Curtis

Q: Have you ever watched Small Soldiers?

A: No.

Reply: Look in your pants.

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says “Sorry, you know the law, you’ve got to go back across the border right now.”

The mexican man pleads with them, “No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!”

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I’m going to make it hard for him and says “Ok, I’ll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence”.

The Mexican man of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, “The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence.”

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says,
“Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green,… I Pink it up, and sez Yellow?”

A family was visiting an Indian reservation when they happen upon an old tribesman laying face down in the middle of the road with his ear pressed firmly against the blacktop.

The father of the family asked the old tribesman what he was doing.

The tribesman began to speak… “woman, late thirties, three kids, one barking dog in late model, four door station wagon, traveling at 65 m.p.h.”

“That’s amazing.” exclaimed the father. “You can tell all of that by just listening to the ground”?

“No,” said the old tribesman. “They just ran over me five minutes ago!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis