A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?”I know,” said the Branch Manager, “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.””No, no,” said the Hardware Engineer, “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.””Well,” said the Software Engineer, “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.”
Is your Computer Male or Female?
As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., “Steady as she goes”, or “She’s listing to starboard, Captain!”). Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are female:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message “Bad command or file name” is about as informative as, “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to tell you”.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are male:
1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.
The irresistable bet
a guy walks into a bar and meets up with a few friends.after a couple of shots of tequila, he stagers over to the bar and asks the barkeep for another shot of tequila and the bartender obliges,this goes on for about an hour or so.finially the man requests another,the barkeep says i gotta cut ya off youre way too intoxicated. the man assures the keeper hes just gettin started. ,he also replies i got a cab on the way 1 more for the road and again the keep serves up another round.the man asks the keep if he is a wagering kind of guy . the keep replies sure am!the man asks the keep to set his shot glass on the bar,which he does. staggering around and holding on to a patron he says i bet you 1,000 bucks i can piss in that there shot glass! barkeep says take three steps back and i will raise ya 500 to your 1,000,the man replies your on!he takes his steps back and gives it all he has ,pissin all over the bar ,a patron or two and never gets the first drop in the glass. giggling as he gladly pays his tab and his loss ,the keep says to the man you dont seem too broke up about loosin so much money,whats the deal? the man replies if you look just behind me those guys standing over there? i just bet them i could piss all over your bar and everyone around it and you would not do anything but laugh about it!
Retard
Bake A Long Time
Tounge twister’s for the BEST
these tounge twisters are the worst
try saying them asfast as you can 5 times these might even be
the shortest…
The Sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick
can you do it ?
now try this one…..
Swan swam over the sea,
swim,swan,swim.
swan swam back again,
well swum swan.
betcha cant do it pass it on if you really like them
Q: How many Victorians does
A quote on marriage
No sex for an eagle!
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, “I’d give anything to sink this next putt.”
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, “Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?”
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless. At the same time he thinks this might be a good omen, so he says, “Okay,” and sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself, “Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole.”
The same stranger moves to his side and says, “Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?”
The golfer shrugs and says, “Sure.” He makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, “Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?”
The golfer says, “Certainly!” He makes the eagle.
As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says, “You know, I’ve really not been fair with you because you don’t know who I am. I’m the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life.”
“Nice to meet you,” says the golfer. “My name’s…
Father O’Malley!”