What do Michael Jackson and Wal-Mart have in common?
They both have boys pants off.
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary…
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into
the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is
not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole
individual for an offense committed by his limb.” “Well
put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the
defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany
it or not, as he chooses.” The defendant smiled. With his
lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it
on the bench, and walked out.
dumb
Anything good in life is
Holy Moley
Aggies R Dum
There was an Aggie, a Longhorn, and a Bug Eater.
They attempted to rob a bank but got caught.
They went to court and were sentenced to the electric chair.
The guys operating it told them that if they survived they were free to go.
The Longhorn went first. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He told them no. He pressed the button and nothing happened so he was free to go.
The bug eater went next. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He said no and pressed the button. Nothing happened and he was free to go.
The Aggie went next. They asked him if he had any last words.
“I think if you plug the chair in, it’ll work better.”
Pockets with holes
The Polish Dog
The esay
Drummer Required
A night-club owner hired a pianist and a drummer to entertain the customers.
After several performances, he discovered that the drummer had walked away with some of his valuables.
He notified the police, who arrested him.
Desperate for another drummer, the owner called a friend who knew some musicians.
“What happened to the drummer you had?” he asked.
“I had him arrested,” the owner replied.
His friend asked, “How badly did he play?”
Bill’s Boxers
Whats worse?
Q. Whats brown and sticky?
A. A stick.
Q. Whats worse than two possums up a tree?
A. Two trees up a possum.
Q. How do you get a one armed man out of a tree?
A. You wave to him.
Q. Why did the leper leave the party?
A. People kept dipping chips into him.
Q. What do you do when someone has a fit while taking a bath?
A. Throw in the clothes washing.
Q. What do you call ten lepers in a pool?
A. Soup.
Q. What do you call an epaleptic in a tree?
A. Russel.
Q. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?
A. Doug.
Q. What do you call a man without a shovel in his head?
A. Dougless.
Q. What do you call a man lying on your doorstep?
A. Matt.
Q. What do you call a lady sitting on a toothpick?
A. Olive.
Q. What do you call a lady slewn over a clothes line?
A. Peg.
Q. What do you call a lady splatted on the wall?
A. Murial.
Q. What do you call a man splatted on the wall?
A. Art.
Q. Whats worse than ten babies in a bucket?
A. One baby in ten buckets.