Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don’t have balls to scratch.
Bommerrang
Children’s Games
Story about infinity
A very large mathematical convention was held in Las Vegas. The conventioneers filled two hotels, each with an infinite number of rooms. The hotels were across the street from each other and were owned by brothers. One evening, while everyone was out at a bar-b-que, one of the hotels burned to the ground. The brothers got together and worked out a plan. In the remaining hotel, they moved all guests to twice their room number — room 101 moved to 202, room 1234 moved to room 2468, etc. Then all the odd number rooms were empty, and there were an infinite number of odd rooms. So the guests from the other hotel moved into them.
Q: How many psychiatrists
Amazing Anagrams
An Anagram is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the
letters of another word or phrase. The following examples are quite
astounding (although I think someone has too much spare time on their
hands).
Amazing anagrams:
Dormitory == Dirty Room
Evangelist == Evil’s Agent
Desperation == A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code == Here Come Dots
Slot Machines == Cash Lost in ’em
Animosity == Is No Amity
Snooze Alarms == Alas! No More Z’s
Alec Guinness == Genuine Class
Semolina == Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point == I’m a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes == That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two == Twelve plus one
Contradiction == Accord not in it
The next two are truely really amazing. This well known phrase from Hamlet
by Shakespeare:
“To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the
mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.”
becomes:
“In one of the Bard’s best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero,
Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.”
This phrase from more recent history (including the name of the man
who uttered it):
“That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.”
– Neil A. Armstrong
becomes:
“A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon!
On to Mars!”
Mr. See’s Saw & Mr. Soar’s Seesaw
Mr. See owned a saw. And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw before Soar saw See, which
made Soar sore.
Had Soar seen See’s saw before See sawed Soar’s seesaw,
See’s saw would not have sawed Soar’s seesaw.
So See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw.
But it was sad to see Soar so sore just because See’s saw
sawedSoar’s seesaw!
If Man were meant to
Get out!!!
An scots man a french man a pakistani man and an english man are sitting in the pub talking when the scots man picks up the bottle of whiskey on the table and throws it out of the window saying “we have so many of them in scotland i dont want to see another one” at hearing this the french man grabs the red rose from the vase on the table and exclaims “we too have so many roses that i to do not want to see one” the english man then gets to his feet and grabs the pakistanian man and throws him out the window shouting “we have so many of them in england i dont want to see another one”.
Clock watching
Plain English Diagnosis
The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, ‘Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.’ ‘Well, in plain English,’ the doctor replied, ‘you’re just lazy.’ ‘Okay,’ said the man. ‘Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.’
Preguntas reales realizadas por abogados
Preguntas reales realizadas por abogados a testigos.
P. Y bien, doctor, �no es cierto que cuando una persona muere durante el sue�o, no se entera hasta la ma�ana siguiente?
P. El hijo m�s joven, el de veinte a�os, �qu� edad tiene?
P. �Estaba usted presente cuando se tom� su foto?
P. �Estaba usted solo o era el �nico?
P. �Fue usted o su hermano menor quien muri� en la guerra?
P. ��l le mat� a usted?
P. �A qu� distancia uno del otro estaban los veh�culos en el momento de la colisi�n?
P. Usted estuvo all� hasta que se march� �no es cierto?
P. �Cu�ntas veces ha cometido usted suicidio?
P. �De modo que la fecha de la concepci�n del beb� fue el 8 de agosto?
R. S�.
P. �Y qu� estaba usted haciendo en ese momento?
P. Ella tuvo tres hijos �cierto?
R. S�
P. �Cu�ntos fueron varones?
R. Ninguno
P. �Hubo alguna mujer?
P. �Dice usted que las escaleras bajaban al s�tano?
R. S�.
P. �Y esas escaleras tambi�n sub�an?
P. Sr. Slatery, �usted fue a una luna de miel bastante rebuscada, no es cierto?
R. Fui a Europa, se�or.
P. �Y llev� a su nueva esposa?
P. �C�mo termin� su primer matrimonio?
R. Por muerte.
P. �Y por la muerte de qui�n termin�?
P. �Puede usted describir al individuo?
R. Era de talla mediana y ten�a barba.
P. �Era hombre o mujer?
P. Doctor, �cu�ntas autopsias ha realizado usted sobre personas fallecidas?
R. Todas mis autopsias las realic� sobre personas fallecidas.
P. Cada una de sus respuestas ha de ser oral, �de acuerdo? �A qu� escuela fue usted?
R. Oral.
P. �Recuerda usted la hora en la que examin� el cad�ver?
R. La autopsia comenz� alrededor de las 8:30 p.m.
P. �Y el Sr. Dennington estaba muerto en ese momento?
R. No, estaba sentado en la mesa pregunt�ndose por qu� estaba yo haciendo una autopsia.
P. �Est� usted cualificado para proporcionar una muestra de orina?
R. Lo he estado desde mi m�s tierna infancia.
P. Doctor, antes de realizar la autopsia �verific� si hab�a pulso?
R. No.
P. �Verific� la presi�n sangu�nea?
R. No.
P. Entonces, �es posible que el paciente estuviera vivo cuando usted comenz� la autopsia?
R. No.
P. �C�mo puede estar usted tan seguro, doctor?
R. Porque su cerebro estaba sobre mi mesa, en un tarro.
P. Pero, �podr�a, no obstante, haber estado a�n vivo el paciente?
R. Es posible que hubiera estado vivo y ejerciendo de abogado en alguna parte.