Yours Fun Portal !
“We have a terrible time making ends meet on Bob’s income.” his wife told her best friend.
“How do you two manage? And you even have kids!”
“We get along okay,” her friend said. “You see, we work on our budget every evening. That saves us lots of money.”
“Really? How can that be?”
“Well, by the time we get it all balanced, it’s too damn late to go anywhere and do anything!”
1. Go up to them and say , ” Do you know what the most annoying
sound in the world is ? EOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! ”
2. Stare at them until they can absolutly not take it any more !
3. Tap them on the shoulder , and every time they look at you ,
say , ” Does this bother you ? “
4. Put your two index fingers on the back of there heads , and
slowly raise them up , saying , ” I’m a martion from outter
space ! And i’m here to get you ! ”
5. Ask them to tie your shoe . When they do , tell them , ” That
isn’t good enough ! Do it again ! ” And say it in a real serious
voice .
Take the following test to see how qualified you are to be a
professional.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Open the door put the giraffe in and close the door. This tests
whether you are doing simple things in a complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Open the door take the giraffe out and put the elephant in then
close the door. This tests your memory.
3. The lion king is holding an animal conference. All the
animals attend except one, which one?
The elephant, he is in the refrigerator! This tests your
thinking ability.
4. There is a river known for its man-eating crocodiles. How do
you cross it?
You swim, all the animals are at the conference. This tests all
three.
If you answered all four correctly you would be perfect for a
profession. If you answered one correctly you should go into
marketing. If you answered none correctly you should play for
Man United.
Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his
church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks
and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the final
couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired
couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough
for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was
fine until she dropped the can of paint.
”Can of PAINT!” exclaimed the minister. ”Yeah,” said the newlywed man.
”She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her
right there and then. Lust took over.” The minister just shook his head and
said that they were not welcome in the church.
”That’s okay,” said the man. ”We’re not welcome in Home Depot either.”
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup
2. Warm beer
3. You get to confuse yanks with the rules of cricket
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5. Union jack underpants
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7. Puts you in with a chance bedding Lady Di
8. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not
9. Ditto changing underwear
10. Beats being Welsh, or Scottish
a blonde was sick of all the blonde jokes so one day she died her hair brown and decided to go for a drive. She drove for ages and she came to a road where it was blocked with sheep, there was a farmer leading them along so the blonde called out ” hey farmer if i can guess the number of sheep you have with you can i pick one and take it home with me?”
“sure” the farmer replied.
the blonde thought for a few moment and then uncertainly said… 384??
” ohmigod thats absolutely right, pick the sheep you want”.
the blonde did that but just as she was loading the sheep into her car the farmer shouts “hey ill make you a deal if i can guess the real colour of your hair, can i have my dog back???????