What are those little bumps around women’s nipples?
– It’s Braile for “suck here”.
Un grupo de apaches va
Un grupo de apaches va por la llanura cuando, de pronto, se topan con una caravana de vaqueros. El jefe indio ordena:
“Mujeres matar; hombres coger”.
Uno de los indios se dirige al jefe:
“Gran Jefe, �qu� no ser al rev�s?”
Y, r�pidamente, un vaquero alega:
“M�renlo, quiere saber m�s que el jefe”.
Bin Ladens Death
Osama bin Laden, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, consulted a psychic about the date of his death.
Closing his eyes and reaching into the realm of the future, the psychic revealed the true answer. “You will die on an American holiday.”
“Which one?” asked bin Laden.
“It don’t matter,” said the psychic. “The day you die will be made into an American holiday.”
Head and Shoulders
There’s this blond and this brunette. And they’re in an elevator. And this hot guy walks into the elevator, and the women are like “Woo-hoo, that guy is fine” and “Mmm…he’s got a nice butt”, and stuff like that.
Then they notice that he has dandruff.
When he gets off of the elevator, the women burst out laughing.
The brunette, giggles and says: “Oh, man, someone should give him head and shoulders.”
And the blond, confused, says: “Really? Well, how do you give someone shoulders?”
Musician joke
The incredibly dumbFire
The incredibly dumbFire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month – a short in the homeowner’s newly installed fire prevention alarm system. “This is even worse than last year,” said the distraught homeowner, “when someone broke in and stole my new security system…”
Stumped Doc
A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that his penis has turned
orange. The doctor looks at it and says, �I haven’t ever seen any thing like
this before in my entire medical career. What do you do for a living? Do you
work around any hazardous materials?� The man says no. The doctor asks the man
what he does all day. The man responds, �Nothing.� The doctor is really puzzled
now and says, �You can’t do anything. What do you do at home all day?� The man
replies, �Honestly, doc I, don’t do anything. I just sit around, watch porno
flicks and eat Cheetos.�
Really Tied One On
A man decided to leave work early and go drinking. He stayed at the bar until
it closed and by then, he was very drunk. When he got home, he didn’t want to
wake up his wife, so he removed his shoes and started to tiptoe up the stairs.
Halfway up the stairs, he fell backwards and landed flat on his butt. That
wouldn’t have been so bad, but he had a couple of empty bottles in his back
pocket which broke and carved up his buttocks pretty badly. He was so drunk
though, that he didn’t even realize he was hurt.
He made it up the stairs and into the bathroom, where he began to undress.
Suddenly noticing some blood, he checked himself out in the mirror. Sure enough,
he saw that his behind was cut up something awful. He repaired the damage as
best he could, under the circumstances, and went to bed.
When he woke up in the morning, his head was hurting, his backside was
hurting, and he was cowering under the covers, trying to think up a good story.
Just then, his wife entered the room and said, “Well, it looks like you
really tied one on last night. Where were you?”
“I worked late, dear,” he replied, meekly, “and went out for a couple of
beer.”
“A couple of beer? That’s a good one,” she snapped. “You got plastered! Where
did you go?”
“What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?” he asked.
“Well,” she replied, “my first clue was when I got up this morning and saw all
the band-aids stuck to the mirror…..”
Q: How many alt.alien.visitors
Casket Talk
Spelling
A guy goes to the gates of heaven where he meets St. Peter.
St. Peter says to him, “God has looked at your book of life, and you are welcome in heaven under one condition.”
The man says, “What’s that?”
St. Peter says, “You must spell the word ‘Love’.”
So he does and he is let in to heaven.
As he gets in, St. Peter’s beeper goes off.
He tells the man to watch the gate until he returns, and reminds him that he must ask whoever comes to spell the word.
Next thing you know, his wife shows up at the gate and he asks her, “What are you doing here?”
She says that on the way home from the funeral, there was an accident and she died.
The husband says, “Alright, but you have to spell one word first before you come in to heaven.”
She asks, “What’s that?”
He answered, “Spell Czechoslovakia.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman