Chastity Belt Key!

In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for a crusade and called one of his squires, “I’m leaving for the crusade.

Here is the key to my wife’s chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven’t returned, you may use the key as I’m sure she will have needs”

The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head to toe. He takes one last look at his castle and sees the squire rushing across the drawbridge, yelling, “Stop! Stop!

Thank goodness I was able to catch you. This is the WRONG KEY.”

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What do you want to be when you grow up?

Three children were being tutored, Billy Blue, William Orange and Fanny Green. One day, the tutor stopped and asked the children what they wanted to be when they grew up. Billy Blue said, “I want to be a milkman.” William Orange said, “I want to be a postman”. Fanny Green said “I want to be a stripper.” The tutor was obviously shocked but thought, fair enough,.Years later, Billy Blue and William Orange met up. Billy was a milkman and William was a postman. They decided to go to a stripper club. After a few minutes Billy said, “O my God, is that Fanny Green?” William replied, “Nah, it’s just the lighting”

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Medical Records

A COLLECTIVE FROM MEDICAL INTERVIEW RECORDS WRITTEN BY VARIOUS PARAMEDICS, EMERGENCY ROOM RECEPTIONISTS, AND (WE ARE AFRAID) A DOCTOR OR TWO AT MAJOR HOSPITALS.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The skin was moist and dry.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

She is numb from her toes down.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

Patient was alert and unresponsive. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

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Herd of Cows

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be “macho,” so he went out walking with one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: “Say, look at that big bunch of cows.”

The hired hand replied, “Not ‘bunch,’ but ‘herd.’ “

“Heard what?”

“Herd of cows.”

“Sure, I’ve heard of cows. There’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.”

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