Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Five–one to change the light bulb and the other four to fill out the Environmental Impact Statement.
Yo mama is so stupid
The House Fire
Llega una se�ora forastera a
Llega una se�ora forastera a la panificadora del pueblo y, al ver a un panadero trabajar, se horroriza y corre a acusarlo con el due�o:
“�C�mo es posible tanta asquerosidad! Ese panadero de all�, el que est� todo sudoroso, para ponerle el chipotito a los bisquets se los pone contra el ombligo. �Si hubiera visto usted semejante barbaridad!”
“Uy, se�o, ust� ni aguanta nada. �Lo viera haci�ndole el agujero a las donas!”
In Common
Knock KnockWho’s there?Ice cream soda!Ice
How to:
Newlyweds
A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules: ‘I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?’
His new bride said, ‘No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there’ll be sex here at seven o’clock every night — whether you’re here or not.’
Blonde in a Grocery Store
8 Clinton Q&A’s
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.
Q: What is Bill’s definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.
Q: What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic?
A: Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.
Q: How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
Q. What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude?
A: “Honey, I’ll be home in 20 minutes.”
Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes *he* did?
A: A dead girlfriend.
Q: What game did Bill Clinton want Paula Jones to play?
A: Swallow the leader
Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
Blind as a bat
A vampire bat comes flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parks himself on the ceiling of the cave.
Pretty soon all the other bats smell the blood and begin hassling him about where he got it.
He tells them to leave him alone, but they persist until he finally gives in.
“OK, OK. See that tree out there?” he asks, pointing through the mouth of the cave.
“Yes, yes, yes!”, the bats all scream in a frenzy.
“Good”‘ says the first bat. “Because I didn’t!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Mrs Johnson
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character.
She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial he asked the judge, “This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?” The judge said that was true.
“Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?” the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, “Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson.”