You’re a redneck if…. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors
d’ouerve.
Cierta vez, una mujer se
Cierta vez, una mujer se encontraba con su amante en un restaurante:
“Querido, tengo ganas que me hagas el amor en mi casa”.
“�Y si llega tu marido?”
“No te preocupes por �l: es un pendejo”.
Llega la noche y, ya en la casa, los amantes est�n en la rec�mara haciendo sus cosillas, cuando entra el marido al cuarto y los sorprende in fraganti:
“�Qu� est�n haciendo, cabrones?”
“�No te digo, mi marido es un pendejo: no sabe lo que estamos haciendo!”
Dinner
Ain’t That a Kick in the Head!
A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining
about a bump on his head and a terrible headache.
Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason
why he should be complaining of a headache.
Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some
post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it.
The doctor assured the nurse, “Don’t worry about a thing. He really does have
a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of
anesthetic.”
Happy jack
Question and answer blonde joke
A redhead & a blonde
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 o’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the redhead replied, “I’ll take that bet!” Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed.
The redhead said, “I can’t take this, you’re my friend.”
The blonde said “No. A bet’s a bet.”
So the redhead said, “Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”
The blonde replied, “Well, so did I, but I never thought he’d jump again!”
Submitted by Danalockett
Edited by yisman and calamjo
y did the coach go 2 the bank?
#1 hunting rule
Two hunters were walking through the woods. one of them fell down and grabbed his chest like he was in great pain. His friend had a cell phone with and called the operater. He said, I need help, i think my friend is dead. She said calm down I can help! first, make sure he is dead. The operated waited, and then heard a gun shot. He came back on the phone and said, now what?
Question: What do you tell a bitch with two…
Believe it or not :o
A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it
starves to death.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive
from each salad served in first-class.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(this is for the footballers)
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn’t
wear pants
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies,
including their eyebrows and eyelashes. (owww, why???)
No word in the English language rhymes with month
On average, people fear public speaking more than death.
The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.
(and we know that because…)
The electric chair was invented by a dentist ( Ok, and I thought
the drill was bad)
The word “lethologica” describes the state of not being able to
remember the word you want.
You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath
Things Not to Say to Parents
10. “Sorry I’m a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore.”
9. “Show me how you used to spank her.”
8. “Please come inside? Wow, you sound just like your daughter.”
7. “Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?”
6. “I just got my license today.”
5. “I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature.”
4. “Five bucks says she’s a D-cup.”
3. “Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?”
2. “Hi. I’m Robert, but my friends call me ‘Back Door Bob.'”
1. “So, does your wife just lie there during sex too?