Purpee Jokes

There was a girl and her boyfriend and they were in her bedroom friday night! She was on her period and couldn’t f*** so her boy friend decided that he would finger her. Later that night her dad herd a lot of noise in ehr room and went up to see what was going on, He dad came in the room and started yelling and asked, “What are you guys doing?” The girls boyfriend licked his finger and said, “EATING PIZZA”

El ‘marido’ regresa de un largo viaje muy deseoso de tener relaciones con su compa�ero, pero al llegar se encuentra con la sorpresa de que no puede porque su compa�ero andaba en sus ‘d�as’. El tipo enojado le reclama:

“�Otra vez con diarrea?”

Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;And he answered, “Because of the Seniors’ Discount.”I went to McDonald’s for a burger and fries;And there, once again, got quite a surprise.The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.He said, “For you, Seniors, the coffee is free.”Understand — I’m not old — I’m merely mature;But some things are changing, temporarily, I’m sure.The newspaper print gets smaller each day,And people speak softer — can’t hear what they say.My teeth are my own (I have the receipt).And my glasses identify people I meet.Oh, I’ve slowed down a bit … not a lot, I am sure.You see, I’m not old … I’m only mature.The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun.You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.Washing my hair has turned it all white,But don’t call it grey … saying “blonde” is just right.My car is all paid for … not a nickel is owed.Yet a kid yells, “Old duffer … get off of the road!”My car has no scratches … not even a dent.Still I get all that guff from a punk who’s “Hell bent.”My friends all get older … much faster than me.They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.I’ve got “character lines,” not wrinkles … for sure,But don’t call me old … just call me mature.The steps in the houses they’re building todayAre so high that they take … your breath all away;And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.That should explain why my walking is slow.But I’m keeping up on what’s hip and what’s new,And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.I’m still in the running … in this I’m secure,I’m not really old … I’m only mature

NEW – Different color from previous design.

ALL NEW – Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE – Imported product.

UNMATCHED – Almost as good as the competition.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION – No provision for adjustments.

ADVANCED DESIGN – The advertising agency doesn’t understand it.

IT’S HERE AT LAST – Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.

FIELD TESTED – Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY – Unit on which all parts fit.

FUTURISTIC – No other reason why it looks the way it does.

REDESIGNED – Previous flaws fixed – we hope.

DIRECT SALES ONLY – Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT – We finally got one to work.

BREAKTHROUGH – We finally figured out a use for it.

MAINTENANCE FREE – Impossible to fix.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS – Ours, not yours.

SOLID-STATE – Heavy as hell.

LESS FATTENING – Now doesn’t have the same fat content as pig
stomach lining.

HIGH RELIABILITY – We made it work long enough to ship it.

NON-REFUNDABLE – We couldn’t make it work long enough to ship it.

FAT FREE – You pay for the food, but the fat is free.

A sale representative stops at a small manufacturing plant in the Midwest. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.

“No, thanks,” says the plant manager. “I tried smoking a cigar once and I didn’t like it.”

The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for martinis.

“No, thanks,” the plant manager replies. “I tried alcohol once, but didn’t like it.”

Then the salesman glances out the office window and sees a golf course. “I suppose you play golf,” says the salesman. “I’d like to invite you to be a guest at my club.”

“No, thanks,” the manager says. “I played golf once, but I didn’t like it.”

Just then a young man enters the office. “Let me introduce my son, Bill,” says the plant manager.

“Let me guess,” the salesman replies. “An only child?”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station.After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car.He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn’t find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit.He hadn’t been searching long when, sure enough, he found a gas cap.He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click.”Great,” he thought, “I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one’s even better because it locks.”