One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly,
the blonde’s friend said, Oh, look, a dead birdie. The blonde looked up
and said, Where?
Blondes on an Island
There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired woman.The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.
The Top 15 Signs Someone You Know Is on Steroids Pt 2
15> The gardener finish mowing the lawn in under five minutes.
The Texas Stadium lawn.
14> The mail carrier runs house to house, spiking TV Guides and
yelling, “In your FACE, Dallas!”
13> Arrives at your wedding in a sleeveless tuxedo.
12> Your morning newspaper rockets through the picture window,
blasts out the sliding doors and does a perfect swan dive into the
neighbors’ stagnant kiddie pool.
11> Last year: Dade County macrame champion.
This year: all-time MLB RBI champion.
10> Asking your wife, “What’s for dinner?” now earns you a snort
and repetitive pawing at the dirt.
9> When raising the host, Father O’Malley now strikes
a body-builder pose.
8> Johnny’s mom gives all eight kids on the soccer
team a ride to practice — piggyback.
7> Grandma’s latest hobby: crocheting trawling nets
for tuna boats.
6> When your wife gets a wobbly-wheeled cart at the
supermarket, she just picks it up and carries it around like a hand
basket.
5> Manages to work “testicle size is overrated” into
every conversation.
4> He’s far and away the best player on his T-ball
team — and the *only* one with a beard.
3> Kicks your mailbox off its post, then says, “I’ll
ask again: How many boxes of Thin Mints shall I put you down for?”
2> The Starbucks barista has taken to grinding the
beans for your latte in his teeth.
1> Just went 4-for-5 with three homers against Randy
Johnson — while on her period.
[ The Top 5 List
www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2005 by Chris
White ]
Suicide
Question and answer Clinton joke
Piccolo jokes
An
Scam Alert
SCAM ALERT! WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY!
If you get an envelope from a company called the “Internal Revenue Service,” DO NOT OPEN IT!
This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States government. This is untrue!
The money the IRS collects is used to fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering projects. This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the money to pay for the same misguided make-work projects the IRS helps mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans out of billions of dollars. Don’t be among them!
Please copy this envelope in triplicate according to the guidelines of the “Paperwork Augmentation Act” of 1999 and then tear up all three of these envelopes a hundred pieces and send the pieces to the following address:
IRS, “FORM 1040 – NOT EZ” – Rejected Refunds Division Office 1600, Room 412, Cubicle 13, Desk 7, Filing Cabinet 6, Drawer 3, Space 62, Folder 5 Washington, DC 20000-0000
SPREAD THE WORD! FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW WHO DOESN’T WANT TO PAY TAXES!
Dead fishy
The Sum
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, “Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine….”
His mother heard what he was saying and asked, “What are you doing?”
The little boy answered, “I’m doing my math homework, Mom.”
“And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked.
“Yes,” he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, “What are you teaching my son in math?”
The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.”
The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?”
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, “What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.”
Submitted by Curtis
Editted by Calamjo
Top 10 dumb blonde inventions
Getting Grey hairs
One day, Sally and her mother were washing dishes. Susie noticed that her mother was starting to get a few white hairs.
“Mommy, Why do you have so many white hairs?” Sally asked?
“Well, when you do something bad or hurt my feelings, I get another white hair.” her mom replied.
“Oh!” Sally said.
She thought for a few minutes, got a puzzled look on her face and then asked her mother, “Why is Grandma’s hair all white?”