A guy goes into a luncheonette and orders a hamburger and a hot dog. A few minutes later, the waitress puts a plate in front of him with an open bun on it, pulls a hamburger out of her armpit, and tosses it on the bun.The guy says, “What the hell was that all about?”She says, “I was just keeping it warm for you.”He says, “Cancel my hot dog.”
Yo mama
The Top 15 Songs by the Rolling Bones
15> Start Me Up With That Portable Defibrillator14> Let’s Spend Nap Time Together13> Ain’t Too Proud to Take My Senior Discount12> 19th Prostate Breakdown11> Harlem Shuffleboard10> Can’t You Hear Me Coughing?9> Angina8> Time Ain’t Exactly on My Side, So Hurry Up With That Smoothie, Punk7> Wild Hearses6> Time Is on My Ass5> You Can’t Always Shit When You Want4> Gimme Seltzer3> Waiting on a Lung2> Be a Burden1> (I Can’t Get No) Rascal Traction [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
Adam and Eve
Adam and Eve
In the Garden of Eden, As everyone knows, Lives Adam and Eve, Without any clothes.
In this garden, Were two little leaves, One covered Adam’s, One covered Eve’s.
As the story goes on, Never the less to say, The wind came along, And blew the leaves away.
At the sight, Adam did stare, There was Eve’s treasure, All covered with hair.
And wonder came, Under Eve’s eyes, As Adam’s thing, Started to rise.
They found a spot, That suited them best, A nice big tree, Where they began to rest.
Her legs spread wider, And wider apart, While thrill after thrill, Came into her heart.
The head of Adam’s thing, Peeked into the hole, And filled her with passion, Beyond her control.
Backward and forward, His thing did slide, And Eve’s treasure, Was all wet inside.
The joy was good, She wouldn’t let loose, Until Adam’s thing, Was all out of juice.
Then down through the years, People did screw, And now it is time, For me and you.
So pull down your pants, And lay in the grass, Cause I’m in the mood, For a piece of that ASS!
Monica has been receiving a
3 friends
There were 3 boys one called shit the another called fuck and the 3rd one called manners, they all went for a bike ride one day and shit fell off his bike, fuck went to the police station to get help as it was very close and manners went to help shit who had fallen off his bike, fuck got into the police station and a police man said whats your name “fuck” police man asks again whats your name “fuck” where are your manners? “Up the road picking up shit”
Wife sleeping around
A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his Wet Willy in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw.The man, terrified, screamed, “Stop! Stop! You’re not going to…to…cut it off, are you???!?”The husband said, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, “Nope. You are. I’m going to set the garage on fire.”
Se suben dos m�dicos a
Se suben dos m�dicos a un elevador y ven que se acerca r�pidamente un paciente que camina arrastrando un pie.
Le dice uno de los m�dicos: “Disculpe amigo, pero aqu� mi compa�ero cree que usted tuvo lesi�n de neurona motora superior y yo digo que fue de inferior.”
Y le contesta el hombre:
“�Pues los tres nos equivocamos, porque yo cre� que era pedo y fue caca!”
Lobster Fishing
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these lobsters jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day.”The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, “If you don’t believe me then watch,” as he throws the lobsters back into the water.The warden says, “Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water.”The fisherman turns to the warden and says, “What lobsters?”
El juez le pregunta a
If you can….
Some Thoughts…
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can get going without pep pills,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can ignore a friend’s limited education and never correct him,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics….
Then, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.