Purpee Jokes

John and his girlfriend, Carol, were driving along one day. He noticed that she kept looking at him and smiling. Then Carol leaned over and whispered in John’s ear, “Can you drive using only one hand?””I sure can” John grinned, thinking his luck was in.”Good!” Carol said, “Then wipe your nose; it’s running!”

Contest: Beer vs. Pussy

A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you married.
Advantage: Beer.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
Advantage: Draw.

If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy.

Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy – you’re dead.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy

Too much beer and you get fat.
Toom much pussy and it makes you poor.
Advantage: Draw

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy

If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five!
Advantage: Pussy

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.

If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy

Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.

If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: beer.

The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.

The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.

Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright, Dana Doran
Advantage: Draw

Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, New Castle.
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage: Pussy.

The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

It’s a close call, but the numbers never lie.
Advantage: Pussy.

Un hombre y una mujer que no se conoc�an, coinciden en el mismo compartimiento de coche cama de un tren. A pesar de la obvia incomodidad que provoca la situaci�n, y de las protestas de la mujer ante el guardia del tren, quien le explica que el convoy va lleno y no dispone de otro camarote, ambos finalmente ocupan el camarote y sus respectivas literas, el hombre en la superior y ella en la inferior. A media noche el hombre despierta a la mujer y le dice:

“Lamento molestarla pero tengo un fr�o tremendo, �podr�a alcanzarme una de las mantas que est�n apiladas junto a la puerta?”

La mujer se asoma entre las cortinas de la litera y gui��ndole el ojo a su compa�ero de camarote le dice:

“Tengo una idea mejor, s�lo por esta noche supongamos que estamos casados… �te gustar�a?”

El hombre, sin poder creer lo que oy�, exclama:

“�Pero claro, mi vida, claro!”

Y la mujer responde:

“�Pues entonces… b�jate y agarrala tu, pinche huev�n!”

Kim Wild aqccompomied Micheal Jackson on his Bad tour that night there were two people doing kids in America

Seventy-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results.
Doctor Smith said,
‘George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself and do you have a good relationship with your God?’

George replied,
‘God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, poof, the light goes on when I pee and then, poof, the light goes off when I’m done.’

‘Wow,’ commented Doctor
Smith, ‘that’s incredible!’

A little later in the day Doctor Smith called George’s wife. ‘Thelma,’ he said, ‘George is just fine. Physically he’s great.

But I had to call because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and, poof, the light goes on in the toilet and then, poof, the light goes off?’

Thelma exclaimed, ‘That old fool. He’s been peeing in the refrigerator again!’