Two elderly widows were sitting on the prch when one asks the other, “Do you still get horny?”
“Of course!” Replied the other.
“What do you do about it,” the first one inquired.
“I suck a lifesaver.”
“But…who drives you to the beach?”
747 full of lawyers
Father Brown’s Hole-In-One
One bright sunny Sunday morning Father Brown woke up and decided to
himself that he was just to lazy to perform mass, instead a nice relaxing
round of golf sounded better. so he called up his close friend Father
Smith and used the excuse of being too sick, so of course Father Smith
took over.Father Brown gathered his clubs and left for the golf course.
He got there and took pride in his scheme for the course was deserted
because everyone was at church, he was having a rather good game while St.
Peter was watching from above and he said to God, “Are you going to let
him get away with this”? God replied, “Why not.” Father Brown soon was
coming to the 9th hole, which was a very tricky hole, with a par of about
8. He teed off and watched himself make a hole in one. St.Peter was very
disappointed so he turned to God once again and said, “Are you going to
let him get away with that”? And God replied, “Who is he going to tell?”
Why do you press harder
Estaba un viejo turco agonizando:
Anti-War Campaign
A point to remember
“Never Confuse a Memo With a Reality” is a book by Richard A. Moran from the “Lifes Little Instruction Book” series. It covers advice for the business person. One of the items is…
“Reduce all analysis to three bullet points. No one will take time to understand, pay attention or remember anymore”
This was point number 181.
Lawyer Vacancy
There was a job opening in the country’s most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul.Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It’s up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, “Why did you become a lawyer?”In seconds, he chooses Paul.Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside.”I don’t understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I’d lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?””I said I became a lawyer because of my hands,” Robert replies.”Your hands? What do you mean?””Well, I took a look one day and there wasn’t any money in either of them!”
License
The Game Warden stopped a deer hunter and asked to see his hunting license.
“This is last year’s license,” the warden informed him.
“I know,” said the hunter, “but I shouldn’t need a new license, I am only shooting at the deer I missed last year.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
Confucius Say…
Aspirin
Irish Bar Fight
“My God! What happened to you?” the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
“I got in a tiff with Riley.”
“Riley? He’s just a wee fellow,” the barkeep said, surprised. “He must have had something in his hand.”
“Aye, that he did,” Kelly said. “A shovel it was.”
“Dear Lord! Didn’t you have anything in YOUR hand?”
“Aye, that I did – Mrs. Riley.” Kelly said. “She gave me her purse, but it wasn’t much use in a fight!”