three man walk into a enchanted forest they have lost there way when they come apon a mysterious man he offers them a place to stay in corners of their eyes they see a beautiful wemon undressing and like all men we know what they were thinking but the mysteriuos man tells them accept one exception they must nott have intercourse with his daughter,he tells them there will be deadly conques if they do so they all say ok them go to there huts where they will spen the night.
when they all wake up in the moring the mysterious man tells them all to pull down there pants,because he had inserted a razor blade in his daughter pussy,so the first man pulls down his pants and he had scartched up dick so he shot him 2nd man same thing when third man pulled down his pants nothing was wrong.so the mysteriuos man said good what would like for breakfas he replied cccccccccccccccccccccccoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnfllllllakkkkkkkkes for he had ate her out incase u didnt get it
Microsoft 2000
Half off these tickets
USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their
husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department
sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates,
asking how they enjoyed their trip.
Letters are still pouring in asking, “What trip?”
Just a Little Pussy
A certain virginal and shy college freshman was lucky to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced. When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate was quick to offer to set him up with a blonde who’d made the rounds of the campus.
Just take this bimbo out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take its course, he explained reassuringly. This girl knows what the score is, and she’s even a natural blonde. The roommate arranged the date as promised.
The freshman was delighted by his cute, outgoing companion and they spent the evening dining and dancing. On the way home he parked his car in a dark lane, broke out in a cold sweat, and
blurted out, “Gosh, I sure would love to have a little pussy.”
“I would too,” sighed the blonde, “Mine’s the size of a goddamn milk pail.”
Smart Cow
A city man was tooling down a country road when his car sputtered to a complete stop near a field filled with cows. The driver, getting out to see what was the matter, noticed one of the cows looking at him.
“I believe it’s your radiator,” said the cow.
The man nearly jumped right out of his city slicker britches! He ran to the nearest farmhouse and knocked on the door.
“A cow just gave me advice about my car!” he shouted, waving his arms franticly back toward the field.
The farmer nonchalantly leaned out beyond the door frame to glance down the field. “The cow with two big black spots on it?” the farmer asked slowly.
“Yes! Yes! That’s the one!” the excited man replied.
“Oh. Well, that’s Ethel,” the farmer said, turning back to the man. “Don’t pay any attention to her. She doesn’t know a thing about cars.”
Fun Things To Do On An Airplane
1. Hit the stewardess button and tell her that your friend next
to you is having a baby. Have your friend make all sorts of
noises. (Works especially well, if your friend is a guy)
2. Take the telephone out of its holder and attempt to strangle
the person sitting in front of you.
3. Hit the stewardess button as many times as possible and when
she comes, blame it on your stuffed animal. Say he gets
hyperactive riding on airplanes and does mischievious stuff.
4. Use the Call Button to ask the flight attendent on a date.
5. When the flight attendent comes around for drinks, request
food. When they ask what meal you would like, ask for a drink.
6. When you get your meal/peanuts or whatever, dump it in the
persons hair in front of you
7. Before you get on the plane go to the Sky Cap and ask them if
you can deliver this bag to Chicago, this one to Detroit, and
this one to Atlanta. If he says no, say, “Why not, you did it
last time.”
8. Have extremely loud conversations on which Olsen twin is more
talented
9. If sitting next to someone you don’t know attempt to stick
q-tips in various parts of the body (i.e. ears, nose, don’t get
too excited)
10. Bring on a CD Player and the Soundtrack to Saturday Night
Feaver. Dance until physically restrained.
11. Hold a Sing-A-Long.
12. Look out the window and point at stuff, claim you know that
person.
13. When they serve you your food ask them what it is and tell
them it dosen’t look edible. (most of the time the stewerdess
will agree with you)
14. Bring a live chicken on board. When you are given your food,
hide it and put the chicken on trey table. Press the call
button, and say your dinner needs to be cooked more.
15. Put your stuffed animal in the barf bag and say it found a
new home
16. Take off your trey table, and hand it to the person in front
of you.
17. If you are sitting at least 2 seats away from the aisle, get
up every 5 minutes to go to the bathroom. If questioned say. I
think the gum is getting to me.
18. Pull down the oxygen masks and place all three on your head
at once.
19. Bring 2 Lobsters on the Plane. Paint Numbers on the back,
and race them down the aisle. See how many people you can get to
bet on this race. Have a board stating odds.
20. Bring a sock puppet on board, and communicate with everyone
with it. (please note, this works better with people older then
4) If someone questions the words of the sock explain to them
that they have affended the sock king and will be attacked by a
giant ball of lint.
21. Clip your toe nails
22. Play with the lights for about an hour. If someone asks say
your making strobe lights.
23. Select captains and play a game of tackle football in the
aisle.
24. Two Words: Strip Poker
25. Bring on board Spam and a hot plate. Cook the spam and offer
it to other passengers.
26. When the lady comes and asks you for a drink say “Vodka
Martini shaken not stired” and when she says your not old enough
shout and scream and pound your tray until you make such a
racket that she gives in.
27. Play a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos
28. Attempt to get on the PA and start a game of Simon Says
29. Demand that you get both the arm rests and shove the persons
arm off.
30. Every few minutes press the call button and ask the
steward/stewardess “Are we there yet?”
31. When you first get on, take the empty seat next to you and
pretend your invisible friend is there. When someone trys to sit
there scream and fuss and say they can’t sit on Joe.
32. When the pilot comes over the PA system cower in fear and
scream, “It’s those voices again!”
33. When you notice someone getting up to go to the bathroom,
immidiately jump out of your seat, run down the aisle, push the
person out of the way and bolt into the bathroom, stay in the
bathroom for at least 1/2 an hour.
34. When the flight attendent gives you there drink list ask
them for drinks not on the list, keep this up for at least 10
minutes.
35. If you_re on a plane that is showing a movie, find the VCR,
and put in a porn movie, this works particularly well when you
know the first movie would be one that younger children would
like.
36. Bring a trombone on board, while playing it, attempt to hit
as many people as possible with the slide of the trombone, then
yell at them for getting in your way.
37. Using a fishing rod attempt to catch other people’s dinner
off their trey table.
38. When sitting in first class ask for a big meal. Leave the
meal alone, and just eat the napkin, when the flight attendent
comes back to check on you, say the forgot your napkin. When
they come back with a new napkin, eat that one as well, keep
this up for the remainder of the flight, making sure not to eat
any of the food that they gave you.
39. When traveling through clouds, open an umbrella. When
experiencing Turbulence scream “Earthquake!” Then run into the
cock pit and hide.
Out of Work?
One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempt to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo’s most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that it’s a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his.
Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion’s cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction.
Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind.
Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, “Help, Help me!”, but the lion is quick and pounces.
The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, “Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?”
Yo mama so big that when she went bunji jumping…
Tips on Love
Tips on Love (From Those Who Should Know)
(all questions were answered by kids, age 5-10)
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??
“Eighty-four, Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can
spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy, 8)
“Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife” (Tom, 5)
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??
“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them
interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike, 10)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??
“You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big
ring and her own VCR, ’cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.” (Jim,
10)
“Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody
sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome
boy, but just for a few hours.” (Kally, 9)
THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED??
“It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to
clean up after them.” (Lynette, 9)
“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t
need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7)
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how
you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Jan, 9)
“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest
of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” (Harlen, 8)
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger, 9)
“If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do
it. It takes too long.” (Leo, 7)
ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE
“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it
doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne, 8)
“It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and
I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” (Gary, 7)
“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.”(Christine,
9)
WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS
“They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off because they paid good
money for them.” (Dave, 8)
Women don’t get blow jobs while they’re driving
GOD IS WISE
God called the various world leaders including past leaders for an appraisal.Bush,Blair, Shroder,Iddi Amin of Uganda,Mugabe of Zimbabwe, Charles Taylor of Liberia,Eyadema of Togo and Sani Abach of Nigeria.When it got to Bush God stood up and congratulated him for fighting terrorism the same applies to Blair.God stood up and thank Shroder for revamping Germanis economy.When it got to the African Presidents God sat down, when confronted by angel Gabriel why he sat down, God said “IF YOU JOKE WITH THIS PEOPLE THEY CAN EASILY COLLECT YOUR SEAT”
YAMBOR MOSES
CENTRAL UNIVERSITY
ACCRA-GHANA