One day a man is walking down the street, when he notices a
young boy in a wagon fixed up to look like a firetruck. The man
also notices that the wagon is being pulled by a dog with a rope
attached to his nards! The dog is, of course, howling like a
banshee, and inching along ever so slowly. The man thinks for a
moment, then approaches the boy and says: “You know, son, the
dog would probably pull you faster if you had the rope attached
to his leash.” The boy looks up at the man and says: “Well,
yeah, maybe, but then I wouldn’t have this really cool siren!”
Old Person
Bathing suits
I own the fastest car
A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”.The dude replies “A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000.””That’s a lotta money!” says the old man, shocked. “Why does it cost so much?””Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!” states the cool dude proudly.The old man asks “Can I take a look inside?””Sure” replies the owner.So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says “That’s a pretty nice car, alright!”Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320. Suddenly, the guy notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!Whhhoooooooooossssshhhhhh! Something whips by him! Going maybe three times as fast!The guy wonders “what on earth could be going faster than my Turbo BeepBeeP?” Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him.Whooooooooooosh! Goes by again! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped! Couldn’t be thinks the guy. How could a moped outrun a Turbo BeepBeep? Again, he sees a dot in his rearview mirror!WhoooooooshhhhhhhhKa-BbbbblaMMMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end.The guy jumps out and discovers it is the old man! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. The guy runs up to the dying old man and asks “You’re hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?”The old man replies “yeah. Unhook my suspenders from the side-view mirror on your car!”
Screw her
jesus christ superst
A quote on marriage
Right woman
Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old buddy Johnny, “How come you
aren’t married?”
Johnny: “I haven’t found the right woman yet.”
George: “So what are you looking for?”
Johnny: “Oh she’s got to be real pretty, – a good cook and house-keeper, and
she’s got to know how to handle money, a really nice and pleasant personality is
a must -and money, she’s got to have money…and a home, a nice big house, is
what she has to have.”
George: “A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU.”
Johnny: “Oh, its okay if she is crazy.”
Freedom Cost Him An Arm
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
“My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.”
“Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.”
The defendant smiled.
With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out!