Purpee Jokes

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvin ball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to deuls with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially down thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volume up to 10!
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrasment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear,”Who BUYS this crap anyway?”
15. Repeat number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a test drive.
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about 5 feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmorized and say, “Wow,Magic!”
20. Put M&M’s on layaway.
21. Move “Caution: Wet FLoor” signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows form bed and bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Puopon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying , “…I’m Batman. Come, Robin- -to the Batcave!”
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things into the neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they spell “hello” upside down.
29. When some one asks you if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”
31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hire employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joe vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission: Impossible”
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”
41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: “Marco Polo.”
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. “Re-alphebetize” the CD’s in electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels.
46. When some one steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it wiithout saying a word.
47. Relax in the pation furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream,”No,no! It’s those voices again!”
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a Mexican, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad.

They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole.

He points and shouts, “Tornado!”

They all look and the American runs away.

Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad. He yells “Earthquake!”

They all hit the dust and the German escapes.

Next up is the Mexican. He looks around and shouts “Fire!”

Amit era un alto funcionario de la corte del Rey Akbar. Hac�a ya alg�n tiempo, �l nutr�a un deseo de chupar los voluptuosos senos de la Reina hasta extasiarse. Un d�a, le revel� su deseo secreto a Birbal, el consejero del Rey, y le pidi� que lo ayudara. Despu�s de pensarlo bien, Birbal estuvo de acuerdo en ayudarlo a cambio de mil monedas de oro. Amit acept� el precio.

Al d�a siguiente, Birbal prepar� un l�quido que causaba comez�n y lo derram� en el sost�n de la Reina que hab�a dejado fuera mientras se ba�aba. Poco despu�s comenz� la comez�n en sus senos, aumentando en intensidad a medida que pasaban las horas, dejando al Rey muy preocupado. Enseguida llamaron a Birbal para solicitar su opini�n sobre el caso, a lo que �l contesta que solamente una saliva muy especial aplicada por un periodo de cuatro horas curar�a el mal. Birbal tambi�n dijo que afortunadamente esa saliva podr�a ser encontrada en la boca de Amit.

El Rey Akbar mand� a llamar a Amit inmediatamente, quien por las siguientes cuatro horas chup� salvajemente los senos de la Reina. Lamiendo, mordiendo, apretando y manoseando los senos de la Reina, Amit hizo su sue�o realidad.

Satisfecho, Amit se encontr� horas m�s tarde con Birbal. Como la misi�n de aquel ya estaba cumplida y la libido de Amit satisfecha, �ste se rehus� a pagar al consejero y encima se hizo el indignado. Por supuesto, Amit sab�a que Birbal nunca podr�a contar al Rey la verdad.

Pero Amit hab�a subestimado a Birbal. Al d�a siguiente, Birbal, para vengarse, coloc� el mismo l�quido en los calzoncillos del Rey, quien inmediatamente mand� a llamar a Amit.

Three men are sailing inthe pacific when they get ship wrecked.SO they swim to the nearest island whichhappens to be the home of a group of cannabals.the leader of the tribe tells each of them to bring back ten of the same fruits. the first man brought back 10 apples then they will have to shove the fruit up their butts. the first man gets 5 in and screams so they kill him.the next man brings back berries he gets to 9 and starts laughingso hard they pop out.the first at second men met up in heaven
the first man asked why he laughed and the second man replied the third guy was coming back with pineapples…