Purpee Jokes

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was
announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An
industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years. While
details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost
of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming
prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we’re told, the world will be
able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of
Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being
the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the
dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming
unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to “A great miracle happened there,” the message
on the dreidel will be the more generic: “Miraculous stuff happens.” In
exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his
vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.

One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred
years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies
for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last
year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy
about this.

Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the
competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present
in a rousing rendition of “Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful.”

A prisoner at the Edmonton Maximum Security Prison started
training a large fly to do tricks. For years, for thousands of
hours,
he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature
high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of
stilts and
sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.

“When you and I get out of here,” the jailbird said to the fly.
“we’re
going to tour the night-spots and make a fortune.”

Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket,
(inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to
celebrate.

At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started
moonwalking. “What about this fly, eh?” he said to the
bartender.

In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the
local
newspaper, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty
swipe.

“Glad you saw it,” muttered the bartender. “Damn things are
everywhere.”