Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
He heard the snow blower coming.
Submitted by Clark Kent
Edited by Yisman
Engineers Won’t Say This…
1. Debug code developed 4 years ago for a rush project with absolutely no documentation? Love to!
2. More documentation? Love to!
3. Why would anyone who spends every day of the week working on a computer want to spend any of their free time playing computer games?
4. Join in a Quake game? No thanks, I’m leaving early to spend some quality time with my friends and family.
5. Please – not pizza again.
6. Who wrote this? I’ve never seen such clean code! It should take me no time at all to debug it.
7. I’m really more of a morning person myself.
8. I’d really like to work in a big corporate environment where I can wear all of my favorite ties.
9. Microsoft – all the tools and support you’ll ever need.
10. I really don’t know the answer to that question.
11. From a network guy – No I’m sure it’s not an application issue – I probably just haven’t segmented the LAN correctly – I’ll get right on that.
12. From a developer – I have complete confidence in the network so why don’t I just take a look at my code.
13. It’s too simple, need more tables.
14. This field name is too descriptive, we love mystery here.
15. Please let me copy those 800MB source files over the network with my 32MB of RAM machine.
16. Yeah, give administrator permissions to EVERYBODY.
17. It will be done before deadline, under budget and with the extra features you wanted.
18. Oh, wow, more reports!!! WooHoo!!!
19. Data integrity?!?!? we don’t need no stinkin’ data integrity.
20. Go ahead, put that zip code in the Street name field.
21. We can always manually correct all those bad entries.
22. There’s no real difference between Text Strings and Numbers, it’s all zeros and ones after all…
23. Hey! I met the deadline! Woohoo!
24. Please let me wear a shirt and tie to work… I hate flip-flops.
25. Can you make a last minute change to the data structure. I like pressure.
26. Hey, call Microsoft! I bet they have the answer!
Genie In A Bottle
Two men are walking along the beach on day when they find a bottle buried in the sand. As they are brushing the sand off, a genie pops out and tells them he will give each of them one wish. After thinking a moment the first man says, I wish I were the world’s smartest man.” “Done, says the genie, and the man suddenly starts explaining Einstein�s Theory of Relativity to his friend. The second man thinks for a moment, then says, “I want to be smarter than him!” “Done,” says the genie, and turns him into a woman!
Yo Mama So Dumb
The Top 12 Fun Things To Do in Detention
12. If a girl is sitting next to you, say “Boy, your mustache is
really growing in nicely.” If a guy is sitting next to you, say
“That eyeshadow does wonders for you. You MUST tell me where you
got it.”
11. Declare war on the people on the other side of the room.
Take hostages using a can of silly string.
10. Take on multiple personalities–the more the better. Engage
in loud, boisterous conversations using each one of them.
9. Start a sing-along
8. Bring a whoopie cushion. Deflate it at random times. This
works well if several people are involved (trust me. I know.)
7. Make a sculpture out of all the pre-chewed gum wads under the
desks.
6. Pay someone $5 to eat the sculpture
5. Conduct several science experements like “How big of a
spitwad can you make” and “whats that smell?”
4. Duct tape someone to the wall.
3. If an announcement comes over the PA system, cower under your
desk and scream “NO! It’s those voices again!!”
2. Claim that you should be let go because the school didn’t
“read you your rights” when you were given the detention.
1. Bring CD’s of bands like ABBA, Grand Funk Railroad, Billy Ray
Cyrus, The Village People, and the Bee Gees. Threaten to play
them if you are not released.
You might be a redneck if…jeans
Murphy's Laws
Murphy’s Technology Law #1: The first myth of management is that it exists. Murphy’s Technology Law #2: A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection. Murphy’s Technology Law #3: New systems generate new problems. Murphy’s Technology Law #4: To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. Murphy’s Technology Law #5: We don’t know one-millionth of one percent about anything. Murphy’s Technology Law #6: Any given program, when running, is obsolete. Murphy’s Technology Law #7: A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make. Murphy’s Technology Law #8: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. Murphy’s Technology Law #9: Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand. Murphy’s Technology Law #10: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
Runaway bride
If you want to get
Powerfull crisps
patient#1:i ate so many bags of crisps i was so powerfull.
doctor:were they called super crisps.
patient#1:no power full crisps
doctor:well your a very super patient
patient#1:listen its got nothing to do with that
doctor: well the only crisps invented are super crisps.
patient#1:i thought they were called powerfull crisps?
patient#2:will you hurry up in there im waiting
patient#1:im hungry i need a packet of crisps