a Koala bear was bored and had nothing to do, so he decided to pick up a hooker, after he was done with her, he told her U can leave now, the hooker picked up a dictionary and said the definition of hooker “gets paid for sex”. the Koala bear picked up a dictionary and said the definition of Koala bear “eats bush and leaves”
Una viuda octogenaria se presenta
Una viuda octogenaria se presenta al ginec�logo para que le extienda un certificado de virginidad.
“�Pero, do�a C�stula, c�mo quiere que le extienda ese certificado si usted ha enviudado tres veces!”
“Mira, mi’jito, mi primer esposo era PRI�sta y con �l puro dedazo. Mi segundo esposo, era PRDista y con �l, pura lengua. Y mi �ltimo esposo era PANista, y una vez que estaba arriba no sab�a qu� hacer”.
Why Female Astronauts?
You have refused to watch
Hot Mama
An old hearing impaired gentleman visited his doctor and he had been warned to be careful as he had a heart murmur.
The doctor was therefore most surprised to see the old fellow out on the town, whooping it up. He got his attention and took him aside. “Don’t you remember what I told you the other day?” he inquired.
“Oh, I surely do.” the old gent replied, “Best dang advice I ever had. I did just as you said. I got me a hot mama and I’m cheerful
The Leprechaun Of The Hand
A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but when he went to wipe his bum, there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class, his teacher asked him what he had in his hands.”A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he’ll get scared away,” the boy said. He was then sent to the principal’s office and the principal asked him what he had in his hands.”A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”He was sent home and his mom asked him what he had in his hands.”A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked him what he had in his hands.”A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, “Open your hands!” “Look, Dad. You scared the crap out of him.”
Nurse in bank
Provide for the Family
A young girl brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner,
while the women are cleaning the table, the father invites the fiance into
the living room. “So, what are your plans?” the father asks. “I’m a bible
scholar,” he replies. “A bible scholar,” the father says, “admirable…but
what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as
she is accustomed to?” “I will study,” the young man replies, “and God
will provide for us.” “And children?” asks the father, “How will you
support children?” “I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man
replies, “God will provide for us.” The conversation proceeds like this,
and each time the father questions, the fiance insists that God will
provide.
Later that evening, the mother is alone with the father and asks him “So,
how did it go?” The father says, “He has no job and no plans. But, the
good news is, he thinks I am God!”
Thinks he’s me
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car.
The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her.
When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk’s buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat.
The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.
The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing.
“What’s so funny?” the bartender asked.
“That damned Pete!” the drunk chortled, “He’s so drunk, he thinks he’s me!”
A Redneck Letter
Dear Son,
I am writing this slow, ’cause I know you can’t read fast. We
don’t live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the
paper where most accidents happen within twenty miles of home so
we moved. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put
your shirts in it, I pulled the chain, and haven’t seen them
since.
It only rained twice this week. Three days the first time, and
four days the second. The coat you wanted me to send you, your
aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail
with them big heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in
the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we
didn’t make the last payment on Grandma’s funeral bill, up she
comes. Your uncle John fell in the whiskey vat, some men tried
to pull him out, but he fought then off playfully, so he
drowned. We cremated him. He burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup, one was
driving, the other two were in the back. The driver got out, he
rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two
drowned, they couldn’t get the tailgate down.
Not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. Write
more later.
Love,
Mom
P.S. I was going to send you some money, but I already had this
sealed.
Nice Woman
A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her.
She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, “I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?”
He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish, but is from a wealthy Beverly Hills family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, “What is her name?”
He answers, “Monica Lewinsky.”
There is a long pause, then his mother asks, “What happened to that nice Catholic boy you were dating last year?”