Yours Fun Portal !
A sex therapist was doing research at the local college when one of the male volunteers told him, “When I get it in part way, my vision blurs. And when I get it all the way in, I can’t see a thing.”
“Hmmm…that’s an interesting optical reaction to sex,” said the researcher. “Would you mind if I had a look at it?”
So the volunteer stuck out his tongue!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
A Huge 300lb. woman walks in to a tattoo shop and asks the artist, “Sir could you do a tattoo of Iron Mike Tyson on this leg?” “And another of Mohammed Ali on this leg?”
“Sure I think I can do that just come on back and have a seat.” A couple hours later the man gets finished up and shows the woman the final product.
The woman takes a look at the tattoo for a while and says, “well sir we have a problem, this doesn�t look like Iron Mike Tyson and this sure as hell doesn�t look like Mohammed Ali.”
The man sits and thinks for a second and says to himself, “man I sure as hell don’t want to get into a fight with this 300lb. woman”…he sits for a little longer and comes up with a solution.
He tells the woman “ok here’s the deal, you go out side and the first person you see I want you to ask them if that tattoo looks like Tyson and if that one looks like Ali.”
So the woman agrees and walks outside to this drunk man walking down the street, she approaches the man pulls up her skirt and asks him, “Sir does this look anything like Iron Mike Tyson to you?”
Takes a drink of his wine and says (in a drunk voice) “naw sure don’t.”
Woman: Well ok now, “does this look anything like Mohammad Ali to you?”
Taking another sip he says nope that sure don’t but you see that one in the middle that looks just like Don King..
One day there was a cat wtaching the fish watching a fly above
the water and the fish was thinking if that fly drops 6 inches I
can jump up and eat it. The cat was thinkng if the fly drops 6
inches and the fish jumps up to get it I can catch the fish and
eat it. Well, the fly dropped 6 inches, the fish jumped, the cat
missed the fish and fell in the pond.
The moral of the story is that when the fly drops 6 inches the
pussy gets wet.
A guy was walking around the office Christmas party belting down drink after drink. But every ten or fifteen minutes, he reached into his shirt pocket, pulled something out, took a look at it, then put it back in his pocket.
Finally, a friend came up to him and said, “George, I’ve been watching you all night, and I have to ask…what’s in your shirt pocket?”
“It’s a picture of my wife.”
“Why do you keep looking at it?”
“Because,” George replied, “When she finally starts looking good, it’s time to go home.”
An old guy is sitting on a bus when a punk rocker gets on. The punk rocker’s hair is red, green, yellow and orange. He has feather earrings.
When he sees the old man staring at him, the punk rocker says, “What’s the matter old man? Didn’t you ever do anything wild when you were a young guy?”
The old guy says in reply, “Yeah, one time I had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid. . . “
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO.
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.
The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!
The CEO, walks up the guy and asks – “and how much money do you make a week?”
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make $200.00 a week. Why?”
The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams – “here’s a week’s pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!”
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks – “does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?”
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters –
“Pizza delivery guy”.