ok. there where three girls stranded on an island. a blonde, brunette and a red head. when all of a sudden they find a jeany bottle then puff out coes the jeany, and he says, u get 3 wishes and because there are 3 of u u each get 1 wish. so he first asked the brunette,she said ” i miss my friends and family, so i wish i could go home, and puff her wish was granted. the he asked the red head, she missed her friends and family to so she wished to go home and her wish was granted, the the jeany turns around and saw the blonde girl crying and said ” why what could ever be the matter” and she said i miss my friends i wish they where still here with me and puff her wish was his comand and the blonde brunette and the red head where all back on the island. by penne
What is this?
Moving?
Unable to move his bowels, a man pays a visit to his doctor.
The doctor writes out a prescription for a powerful laxative and instructs him to call back in two days.
When the man calls, the doctor asks, �Well, have you moved yet?�
�No, I have not,� the man says.
The doctor doubles the dosage and tells him to call back in two days.
Sure enough, the man calls two days later, tells the doctor that he has not moved yet and is again instructed to double the dosage.
Finally, the man sets up an appointment and arrives, smiling.
�I take it you�ve moved,� the doctor says.
�I had to,� the man says. �My apartment was full of shit.�
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Who You Making Love
Q: How do you tell if you’re making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess?A: A nurse says: “This won’t hurt a bit.” A schoolteacher says: “We’re going to have to do this over and over again until we get it right.” An airline stewardess says: “Just hold this over your mouth and nose, and breath normally.”
Bill Gates, the Antichrist
PROOF THAT BILL GATES IS THE ANTICHRIST
Conversion to ASCII values:
MS-DOS 6. 21
77 83 45 68 79 83 32 54 46 50 49 = 666
WINDOWS95
87 73 78 68 79 87 83 57 53 1 = 666
SYSTEM 7. 0
83 89 83 84 69 77 32 55 46 48 = 666
Coincidence? I think not!
The real name of the Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following:
B 66
I 73
L 76
L 76
G 71
A 65
T 84
E 69
S 83
3
——-
666!!!!
El argentino que le dice
The Professor’s Needs
A female student shows up during a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door and kneels at his feet, pleading…
“I would do anything to pass the exam”.
She leans closer to him, flipping back her hair, gazing meaningfully into his eyes and sensuously whispers “I mean…, I would do…. anything!!!”.
He returns her gaze. “Anything???”
“Oh yes” she said, “anything!”
He stared into her eyes, and in a whisper said “Would you….. Study?”
The bus driver
there was a kid on a buss and he sayed if my mom was a mommy giraph and my dad was a daddy giraph then i would be a babby giraph. and he sayed this over and over and then the buss dirver says what if you mom was a prostitute and you dad was gay. And the kid replied i’d be a buss driver
Nice Car!
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!”
The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, “Yes I have a phone.”
The driver of the Yugo says, “Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I’ve got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!”
The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, “Yes, I have a refrigerator.”
The driver of the Yugo says, “That’s great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!”
The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, “Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!”
The driver of the Yugo says, “Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!”
Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car, and the bed looked superb, complete with silk sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce.
So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Yugo, and he drove all day. Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo. When there wasn’t any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet.
“I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly!
The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, “You got me out of the shower for that!”
In your Face!!!
Michael Jackson at J.C. Penny’s
Monkey Smells
A man was walking down the street with a baby ape in his arms when a friend stopped him and asked what he was doing with the chimp.”I just bought this ape as a pet. We have no children; so he’s going to live with us just like one of the family.He’ll eat at the same table with us. He’ll even sleep in the same bed with me and my wife.””But what about the smell?” the friend asked.”Oh, he’ll just have to get used to it, the same way I did.”