Two men see a beatiful women,seen there are two of them and one women they decide to let he decide.So the first man goes up and says “Hey sweety how who you like to taste my candy” The women replied in a remarkable tone I don’t eat peanuts!
Survival
The Man Sun Tanning
There was a man reading a newspaper and sun tanning on the
beach, in the nude. Then he saw a little girl walk towards him
so he put the newspaper over his dick.
The little girl said “what do you have under that newspaper.”
The man said “I have a bird under this newspaper.”
The girl said “ok” and left
The man decided to take a nap, he woke up in the hospital.
The doctor asked him “do you remember anthing”
The man said ” the last thing I remember was a little girl
asking me a question.
They find the little girl and asked her what she did.
She said ” Well the man said he had a bird so I started to play
with it, then it spat at me, so I snapped his neck cracked its
eggs and set its nest on fire
By M.J
En un aeropuerto de una
En un aeropuerto de una de las ciudades de la antigua Cortina de Hierro, un esp�a hu�a de la polic�a secreta rusa, la KGB. Estaba a punto de ser capturado, cuando, s�bitamente, tropez� con una monja a la que le pidi� que lo escondiera bajo su h�bito.
Los agentes de la KGB preguntaron a la religiosa si hab�a visto al esp�a y le dieron su descripci�n. Ella les informa que no lo hab�a visto.
Cuando ya el peligro hab�a pasado, el esp�a sali� de debajo del vestido de la monja y se inici� el siguiente di�logo:
“Gracias, hermana, por haberme salvado de ser capturado por la KGB”.
“Ha sido con mucho gusto, hijo”.
“Tengo que decirle, hermana, que usted tiene unas hermosas piernas. �Se dio usted cuenta del besito que le di en las pantorrillas?”
“Claro, hijo”.
“�Sinti� usted los besitos que le estamp� en las piernas, antes de las rodillas?”
“S�, hijo”.
“�Not� cuando fui subiendo y le cubr� las piernas de besos, arriba de las rodillas?”
“S�, hijo”.
“�Qu� hubiera sucedido si yo sigo subiendo, y subiendo y llen�ndola de besos?”
“�Pues que me hubieras besado los huevos, cabr�n! �Yo tambi�n soy un esp�a!”
My God Your Ugly
Little Johnny said to his aunt Tess, “My God, you’re ugly, aren’t you!”His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen. “You naughty boy!” she screamed, “How can you say to your aunt that she’s ugly! You go right in and apologize to her! Tell her you’re sorry!”Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said, “Aunt Tess, I am sorry you’re so ugly.”
At the Amusement Park
A young man took a blind date to an amusement park.
They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored.
“What would you like to do next?” he asked.
“I wanna be weighed,” she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. “One-twelve,” said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right.
Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do.
“I wanna be weighed,” she said.
I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home.
The girl’s mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, “What’s wrong, dear, didn’t you have a nice time tonight?”
“Wousy!” said the girl.
Dinner with Bill and Hillary
Why do elephants squirt water through their noses?
Constipated
Gay Horses
fly drops
There is a fish in a pond looking up thinking to himself if that fly drops down then i can jump out and get it, theres a bear behind the fish he says if the fly drops and the fish goes to eat it then I can get the fish, theres a hunter behind the bear and he says if the fly drops and the fish goes for the fly then the bear goes for the fish then I can shoot the bear, theres a mouse behind the hunter and he says if the fly drops and the fish goes for it and the bear goes for the fish and the hunter shoots the bear then the hunter will drop his cheese sandwitch and i can get it, theres a cat behind the mouse and he says if the fly drops and the fish goes for it and the bear goes for the fish and the hunter shoots the bear and drops his sandwitch then the mouse goes to eat it then i can get the mouse. Well the fly drops and the fish gets it the bear gets the fish the hunter gets the bear the mouse gets the sandwitch and then the cat goes for the mouse but over jumps and lands in the lake.
moral of the story: When the fly drops the pussy always gets wet.
Three Dogs
There were three dogs at the vet talking to each other when one says,”I chewed up all my masters shoes, and that’s why I’m here”.
The next dog said,”I peed on my masters $1,000 rug”.
The next dog then comes in and say’s,”My master is a female and she likes to clean house in the nude, so when she bent over to pick up something, I went for the ride of a life time!”.
“And that’s why you’re here?” asked the other dogs. “No, I’m getting my nails clipped.”