Yours Fun Portal !
Why do people go to Burger King and Order a Double Whopper with a Large French Fry and insist on getting a Diet Coke? Does the reverse side also have a reverse side? Why is the alphabet in that order? If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, “Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you.”
“On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife’s love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue.
“Then next, ma’am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut.” The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful.
They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.
Then he told the Greens the bad news. “I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot help.”
The Greens pleaded with him, and said, “You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please, help us.”
“Well, all right”, the doctor said. “On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of cheerios. . . “
A man dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter asks him what religion he belongs
to. The man tells him and Saint Peter says “oh, we have a lot of your kind here.
In fact, we have a special room for all of you so you can all be together!”
He leads the man down a long hallway with doors on either side.
They pass one door and they hear a bunch of yelling and hollering inside.
“Who’s in that room?” the man asks. “Oh, those are the holy rollers,” says
Saint Peter. “They make a lot of noise but they’re pretty harmless”.
They pass by another door which is nearly shaking off its hinges.
“Who’s in there?” the man asks.
“That’s the room for the Shakers” replies Saint Peter.
Then they approach another door. Saint Peter whispers to the man, “we must be
very quiet going past this door. Don’t make a sound.”
They tiptoe past the door and when they get farther down the hallway the man
asks Saint Peter who was in that room.
“Oh, those are the Catholics.
They think they’re the only ones up here!”
We all know the Secret Service has nicknames for people around the White
House, but only recently has Monica Lewinski’s nickname been leaked:
“Humidor One”.
Gennifer Flowers was recently asked how her relationship with Bill Clinton
compared to Monica Lewinski’s. She replied, “Close, but no cigar.”
A duck walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist, “Gimme a chap stick.”
The pharmacist asks the duck, “Will that be cash or charge?”
The duck replies, “Just put it on my bill.”
The next day, the duck goes back to the drugstore and says to the clerk, “Give me a box of condoms.”
The clerk says, “Do you want me to also put them on your bill?”
The duck says, “Hell no, I’m not that kind of duck!”