Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A. Erotic is using a feather….kinky is using the whole chicken.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Three mice
3 Flys
Boots
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her
kindergarten students put his boots on?
He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and
him pushing, the boots still didn’t want to go on. When the
second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost
whimpered when the little boy said, “Teacher, they’re on the
wrong feet.” She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn’t
any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on.
She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the
boots back on – this time on the right feet.
He then announced, “These aren’t my boots.” She bit her tongue
rather than get right in his face and scream, “Why didn’t you
say so?” like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help
him pull the ill-fitting boots off.
He then said, “They’re my brother’s boots. My Mom made me wear
them.” She didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered
up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
She said, “Now, where are your mittens?” He said, “I stuffed them
in the toes of my boots…”
Bumper Sticker #105
Why Women Make Less
A job negotiator and a feminist were in dispute… The feminist was arguing over the different pay scales that her women were receiving…
Fem: Okay, why are women paid less than men for doing the same job that a man does.
Neg: It says in the Bible that women are worth less than men.
Fem: Where does it say that? I don’t think so.
Neg: Well, you do agree that woman was made from a rib, correct?
Fem: Yeah, so?
Neg: Well, there you have it. A rib is a cheaper cut of meat!
Castro ski
The Top 15 Indications That Military Intelligence May Be Suspect
15> It seems pretty far-fetched to classify a 7-Eleven as an “enemy stronghold.”
14> Amount of new messages always seems to increase just after dinner at a local Chinese restaurant.
13> The person calling into headquarters claims to be “Major Dick,” then breaks down giggling.
12> They’ve just proudly informed you that they’re closing in on Saddam Hussein.
11> “It appears to be the work of Ali al-Plisskin.” “Al-Plisskin? I thought he was dead!”
10> Field maneuvers identification manual AHG-412, “Ass vs. Hole in Ground: Distinguishing Characteristics,” clocks in at over 400 pages.
9> The latest report from Afghanistan: Osama bin Laden is hiding in the conservatory with a candlestick.
8> The map of Iraq you’ve been handed shows a large orc settlement just north of Baghdad.
7> Sealed dossier clearly marked “CONFIDENTIAL,” “CLASSIFIED,” “FOR YOUR EYES ONLY,” “SWAK” and “XOXOXO.”
6> The CIA just obtained a purchase order for 500 pair of flame-retardant pants.
5> Latest high-definition satellite photos of the insurgent stronghold Samarra show clearly-defined subdivisions of Main Street, Fantasyland, Tomorrowland, Adventureland, Frontierland and New Orleans Square.
4> They report “increased dental chatter” during periods of very cold weather.
3> Recon photos of alleged foreign operative “Jaylo Butay” are regularly found in insecure locations such as bathrooms and barracks.
2> Hidden somewhere in every report: “olin-Cay owell-Pay is an ussy-pay.”
1> The latest U.N. weapons inspectors’ discovery confirms military intelligence’s worst fear: oxymoronium.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
Little Johnny
A teacher asks her class, ‘ If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how many will be left?’
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, ‘ None, they will all fly away with
the first gun shot.’
The teacher replies, ‘ The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.’
Then little Johnny says ‘ I have a question for you. There are three women
sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the
triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the
cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?’
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, ‘ Well, I suppose the one that’s
gobbled down the top and sucked the cone. ‘
To which Little Johnny replied, ‘ The correct answer is ‘the one with the
wedding ring on’, but I like your thinking. ‘
Man Walks Into a Lawyer’s Office…
Juan P�rez, mi programador asistente,
Juan P�rez, mi programador asistente, siempre puede ser encontrado
trabajando duro en su cub�culo. Juan labora sin descanso, sin andar
gastando el tiempo hablando con sus colegas. Juan nunca
lo piensa dos veces para ayudar a sus compa�eros, y siempre
termina sus tareas a tiempo. Frecuentemente, Juan toma extremas
medidas para completar su trabajo, a veces salt�ndose las
pausas en el trabajo. Juan es un individuo que no tiene nada de
vanidad a pesar de sus altos logros y profundos
conocimientos en su campo. Creo firmemente que Juan puede ser
clasificado como de gran calibre, del tipo que no puede ser
expulsado. Por todo ello, recomiendo que Juan sea
promovido a un puesto ejecutivo, y para tal efecto un ascenso ser�
ejecutado tan pronto como sea posible.
Atentamente
El L�der de Proyecto
SIGUE LEYENDO…
Poco tiempo despu�s, el departamento de Recursos Humanos recibi� el siguiento memo del L�der de Proyecto:
Lo siento, pero ese idiota estaba leyendo sobre mis hombros cuando escrib� el reporte que le mand� hoy por la ma�ana. Por favor lea s�lo las l�neas nones para conocer mi verdadera opini�n.
Atentamente,
El L�der de Proyecto.
You’ve had it
An old man made it shakily through the door to Joe Conforte’s Mustang Ranch, outside Reno, Nevada. The receptionist stared at him.
“You gotta be in the wrong place,” she exclaimed. “What are you looking for?”
“Ain’t this where you always got forty five girls ready ‘n’ able?”
The receptionist looked perplexed. “Ready for what?”
“I want a girl,” the old man rasped. “I wanna get laid.”
“How old are you, Pop?” she asked.
“92” he replied.
“92? Pop, you’ve had it.”
“Oh.” said the old man, a little disconcerted as his trembling fingers reached for his wallet. “How much do I owe you?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo