10 reasons why sex is better than school

10. Everbody likes sex and nobody likes school, except for virgins and only
because they haven’t had sex yet.

9. Sex sucks, moans, licks, pumps, throbs etc…, school just sucks.

8. After sex you feel like smoking a cigarette. After school you feel like

smoking something a whole lot stronger.

7. You only get disciplined during sex if you want to.

6. Drinking drives people to sex, whereas school drives people to drink.

5. Sex releives stress, school is the cause of stress.

4. Nothing beats the “hands on” experience you get with sex.

3. After sex you feel like you have accomplished something.

2. Sex is cheaper. Even if you have to pay for a hooker, it is still cheaper

than paying thousands of dollars in tuition.

1. At least you have a choice whether or not you want to have sex. At

school your teachers screw you regardless!!!

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A Train Wreck Waiting to Happen

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?” Tom says, “I would switch one train to another track.” “What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector. “I’d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever,” answers Tom.”What if that had been struck by lightning?” challenges the inspector. “Then,” Tom continues, “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.” “What if the phone was busy?” “In that case,” Tom argues, “I’d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station”. “What if that had been vandalized?” “Oh, well,” says Tom, “in that case I’d run into town and get my Uncle Leo.” This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, “Why would you do that?””Because he’s never seen a train crash.”

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Study in TIME

I was reading through a TIME magazine recently and saw a study on the amount of estrogen levels in beer.

They gave a whole bunch of beer to a whole bunch of guys and after these guys had consumed all this beer they found that all of them gained womanly quailities.

They all gained weight, couldn’t drive, and talked incessantly without making any sense!

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Air freshener

There was this blonde that was in a car crash
but she was unscathed, when the police man came he asked what happened she said well I was driving along the road when this tree popped up so I swirved to dodge it then I saw another tree so I dodged it and I kept dodging these trees that were popping up, suddenely the police man interupted her and said mam I hate to interupt but those were not trees that was your pine scented air freshener dangling back and forth

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Bush and Moses

George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal and he
noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a long white
beard, long white hair and carrying two stone tablets in his
arms. He approached the man and asked reverently, “Aren’t you
Moses?”

But the man wouldn’t listen to him and continued walking. George
asked him again, “Aren’t you Moses?”

The old man continued ignoring him, even turning his back on
little Bush. George grabs the man’s arm, looks him right in the
eye and insists, “Answer me — Aren’t you Moses?”

The man replies, “I’m not saying a thing! The last time I spoke
to a Bush I ended up roaming the desert for 40 years!”

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French Countryside Visions

An elderly man was walking through the French countryside, admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young couple making love in a field. Getting over his initial shock he said to himself, ‘Ah, young love… ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers… C’est magnifique!’ and continued to watch, remembering good times. Suddenly he drew in a gasp and said, ‘Mais… Sacre bleu! Ze woman – she is dead!’ and he hurried along as fast as he could to the town to tell Jean, the police chief.He came, out of breath, to the police station and shouted, ‘Jean… Jean zere is zis man, zis woman… naked in farmer Gaston’s field making love.’ The police chief smiled and said; ‘Come, come, Henri you are not so old; remember ze young love, ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers? Ah, L’amour! Zis is ok.”Mais non! You do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!’Hearing this, Jean leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the station, jumped on his bike, pedaled down to the field, confirmed Henri’s story, and pedaled all the way back non-stop to call the doctor:’Pierre, Pierre, … this is Jean, I was in Gaston’s field; zere is a young couple naked ‘aving sex ‘ To which Pierre replied, ‘Jean, I am a man of science. You must remember, it is spring, ze air, ze flowers, Ah, L’amour! Zis is very natural.’ Jean, still out of breath, grasped in reply, ‘NON, you do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!’Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed, ‘Mon dieu!’ grabbed his black medicine bag; stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and other tools; jumped in the car; and drove like a madman down to Gaston’s field. After carefully examining the participants he drove calmly back to Henri and Jean, who were waiting at the station. He got there, went inside, smiled patiently, and said, ‘Ah, mes amis, do not worry. Ze woman, she is not dead; she is British.’

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