Have Fun While Taking a Driving Test

1. Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.

2. Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, “Buckle up!”

3. Knock over every cone while doing maneuverability. In the middle of it, get out and check to see if you have hit every one.

4. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of plastic wrap down so he doesn’t dirty the seat.

5. When the examiner tells you to stop, step on the gas. Tell him/her that you thought it was the brake.

6. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood clutch and say “Oops.”

7. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, “Now which one is the gas again?”

8. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.

9. Fill your car with beer bottles.

10. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.

11. Tell the registar that you are taking the remedial test.

12. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.

13. Swear at everybody on the road.

14. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next to you and the light.

15. Beep your horn at everything.

16. Break off your rear-view mirror and then ask the examiner to hold it up.

Warning: If you wish to pass the test, refrain from doing more than two of these, and be sure to grin widely at the end.

Spread the love

Christmas Recount

Ho Ho Ho,

“Hello out there all people of the world.”

This is Santa and I just wanted to let you know that Christmas may be a little late this year. See after checking all the boxes and tallying them up, I found some problems with the results.

The first result showed:

428,534,120 Good

428,523,119 Bad

The second result showed:

428,534,118 Good

428,523,121 Bad

So you see, I can’t, with good faith, go out and deliver presents while knowing I could have made a mistake. Maybe Little Johnny was good for once, then again, maybe not.

So, I have enlisted the help of all my elves and the Mrs. To help do a recount. We hope to have this finished up by 5pm on the 24th of December, but there is a possibility that it might take longer. You see the tally cards were not quite clear to me, although I made them my-self, I forgot what they meant.

You know, Good…and Bad??? And the check marks I used were not all the same, some went left, some right, some were just a mark. some went through both boxes, and some didn’t even have much of a mark on them. I leave it up to them to decide what I meant.

So if you wake up on Christmas morning, and there are no presents under your tree, at least you can tell the kids the story. Thank you for your patience and understanding in these times,

–Santa

Spread the love

Clock shop

Rosco was wondering through a mall one day, and he happened upon a clock shop where there was a gorgeous lady working at the desk.

Rosco walked right up to the desk, whipped out his penis, and put it right next to the lady.

The lady was alarmed and said, “Wait just a minute there, man! This is a clock shop, not a cock shop!”

Rosco replied, “I know, I want you to put two hands and a face on this!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman

Spread the love

Little Red Riding Hood was

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly
the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a machete to
her throat, said, “Red, I’m going to screw your brains out!” To that, Little
Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a
.44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, “No you’re not! You’re going
to eat me, just like it says in the book!”

Spread the love

Anal Deodorant

A blonde woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant.

The assistant, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell bottom deodorant and never have. The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady behind the counter that she has been buying the stuff from here on a regular basis and would like some more.

The shop assistant thinks for a minute, knowing full well that they don’t stock, or have ever sold, such an item. She smiles at the thick blonde pillock and says, “One moment please, I will get the pharmacist.”

The pharmacist looks at the blonde and says, “Can I help you miss?”

“I would like to buy some bottom deodorant please,” says the blonde.

“I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”

“But I always get it here,” says the blonde.

“Do you have the container it comes in?”

“Yes!” Said the blonde, “I will go and get it.”

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to the her “This is just a normal stick of under arm deodorant.”

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, “To apply, push up bottom.”

Spread the love