One day, a blonde’s neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time. ”I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!”
Category: blondes
What do you call a b
What do you call a blonde standing on her head? A brunette with bad breath.
Pig Under Her Arm
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She
passes a person who asks, “Where did you get that?”
A: The pig says, “I won her in a raffle!”
*Who cares?*
Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*
Signed, A Blonde
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to
kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told
him, “I’ve kidnapped you.”
She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put
$10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the
north side of the playground.
Signed, A Blonde.”
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show
it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper
bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the
$10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”
CRAP!
THERE WAS THESE TWO GUYS AND A BLONDE.THEY WHERE ON A SKY SCRAPER.THE FIRST GUY JUMPED OFF THE BUILDING AND SAID “HAWK” AND FLEW AWAY.THE SENCOND MAN JUMPED OFF AND SAID “BLUE JAY” AND HE FLEW AWAY.THE BLONDE JUMPED OFF AND SAID “CRAP” AND TURNED INTO CRAP!
Blonde visits shrink
A blonde is speaking to his psychiatrist.
Blonde, “I’m on the road a lot, and my
clients are complaining that they can
never reach me.”
Psychiatrist, “Don’t you have a phone in
your car?”
Blonde, “That was a little too expensive,
so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox
in my car.”
Psychiatrist, “Uh … How’s that working?”
Blonde, “Actually, I haven’t gotten any
letters yet.”
Psychiatrist, “And why do you think that is?”
Blonde, “I figured it’s because when I’m
driving around, my zip code keeps changing.”
A GREAT STORY
there was once 10 girls,a brunette and 9 blondes,who had to be rescued by a rope hanging from a helicopter.they all got on but it was too heavy that one girl had to jump off.all the blondes asked the brunette to jump off and she said before i jump i have a little speech to say.after she was done the blondes thought that it was so good that they just had to clap.
Cliff
why did three blondes jump off a cliff?
they wanted to see if there maxie-pads really had wings!!!
Blonde & Brunette
A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00 pm news. The current
news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump, when the station cuts to a commercial.
Brunette: I bet you $20 he’s going to jump.
Blonde: OK.
(Back to newscast : He jumped!)
Blonde: OK. I lost. Here’s my $20 to you.
Brunette: No, that was too easy. I can’t take it.
Blonde: I insist. I lost.
Brunette: I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the
6:00pm news and I knew he jumped. So it wasn’t really a good bet.
Blonde: I know. I saw the same newscast at 6 too. But I didn’t think he would be stupid enough to jump TWICE!.
Hanger
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn’t. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, “Hurry up! It’s starting to rain and the top is down.”
Blonde Bar Trick
A man walks into a bar, with a huge alligator on a leash. He walks over to the bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says “Sorry sir. You can’t bring that alligator in here! It’s a dangerous animal, and you’re scaring all of the patrons!”
True enough, the man looked around, and noticed that everyone was standing on the tables, looking very nervous. “But wait!” he cried, “this alligator is tame! It wouldn’t hurt anyone!”.
However, the bartender is adamant.
“If”, the man continues, “I can prove that this alligator is not vicious, can he stay?”.
“Well, I guess so”, says the bartender, “however, you’re going to have a devil of a time proving to everyone in here that that alligator is tame!”
The man smiles, and leans over the alligator. “Ralph!”, he shouts, “Sit up!”
With that, he beats the alligator on the head with his fist “BANG BANG BANG”. And the alligator rears up on its tail.
“Ralph, open your mouth!” BANG BANG BANG… And the alligator opened it’s huge mouth wide, revealing row upon row of gleaming white teeth.
The man pulls out his wang, and lays it in the alligators mouth, as the entire bar crowd gasps.
“Ralph! Close your mouth, but DON’T BITE!” BANG BANG BANG… As the man pummels the alligator on the head, the giant mouth slowly closes, and stops juuuussttt short of biting the guys dick off.
The crowd sighs, and the man says “Ralph, open your mouth!” BANG BANG BANG! and the alligators mouth opens wide again.
“There,” says the man to the crowd, “now would anyone else like to try this?”
A blonde in the back says “Yeah, I’ll try, but only if your promise not to hit me on the head so hard.”