Category: blondes

Q. How do you find a blonde in long grass?
A. Pleasing!

Legend has it that in the ladies room in a bar in New York there is a mirror that if you tell the truth in front of it you are granted one wish but if you tell a lie you are swallowed up by the mirror.

One day a ginger walked in and she was alright looking and said
“i think i am the most beatiful girl alive”” and poof she was swallowed up.

The a fat brunette walked in and said
“”I think i am the most sexiest woman in the world””and poof she was gone.

The in walked a blond and she said to the mirror
“”I think….. and poof she was gone.

“

Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It’s not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

This blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, “I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe.”

The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies “But I don’t have any money…. and I *must* get a message to her, it’s urgent!… I’ll do anything to get a message to her.”

The clerk replies “Anything?”

“Yes…. ANYTHING!” replies the blonde.

He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him. “Unzip me…”

She does.

“Take it out….. go ahead.”

She does this as well.

She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says “Well… go ahead.. do it..”

She brings her lips close to it and shouts “Hello?…. Mom?”

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, “Awww, look at the dead birdie”.
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, “Where?”

Q. What do twenty blondes standing ear to ear make?
A. A wind tunnel.

Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. You can’t, they have always been like that.

Q: A blonde going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.

Q: How does a blonde try to kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.

What is plastic and preppy ?

A: a barbie doll

A film director was interviewing blonds for a movie. He asked
for natural blondes. First blonde walked in and he asked are
your pubic hairs blonde she replys no, “he says sorry I want a
real blonde” well after about the 20th blonde he had,had enough
so the next to walk in “he said look I need a real blonde” she
says im a natural blonde,he says proove it so she drops her
pants, he says your as black as the ace of spades you cant be a
natural blonde. She asks him to put his thumb on the desk, she
takes of her stilletto shoe and bangs it on his thumb nail,he
screams and says shit that hurt and its gone all black she
replys and thats only after one bang!

Q: Why did the blonde date hunters?
A: Because she heard they go deep into the bush, always
Shoot twice, love to mount their prey and always eat what they shoot.

There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.”If I can guess the exact number of sheep here will you let me have one?” she asked. The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed. “You have 171 sheep,” said the blonde in triumph. Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice. She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked. She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, “if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?” The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. Your a blonde! Now give me back my dog.

Q. Why did the blonde get fired from the banana factory?A. She kept throwing out all the bent ones!!

231. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:

Blonde: We need help. We’re three blondes changing a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still won’t light up? Blonde: No, it’s working fine.

Operator: Then what’s the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

232. What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man.

233. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, “I’m going to try to swim to shore.” So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, “I wonder if she made it. I guess it’s better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve.” So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, “I wonder if they made it! I think I’d better try to make it, too.” So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, “I’m too tired to go on!” So she swam back.

234. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, “Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I’ll sink?”

235. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said “Oh, look at the deer tracks.” The other blonde looks and says “Those aren’t deer tracks, those are wolf tracks.” “No. Those are deer tracks.” They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

236. The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her. Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about the birds and the bees and the blonde said: “No ma. I can fuck and suck with the best of them. But he says I can’t cook”

237. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, “Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test.” “Oh No!” she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he’d make it easy. “Who was God’s son?” said Saint Peter. The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said “Andy!” “That’s interesting… What made you say that?” said Saint Peter. Then She started to sing “Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me…”

238. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.

Blonde#1: I can’t seem to get this door unlocked!

Blonde#2: Well, you’d better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!

239. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called “How to Hug”? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia…

240. A blonde’s response to the comment, “THINK about it!”: “I don’t have to think — I’m blonde!”

Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.

As a group, they decided that one of the party should let go. Otherwise, the rope would break and everyone would perish.

For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.

Finally, the brunette gave a truly touching speech, saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.

The ten blondes applauded…