Category: blondes

how do you get a one arm dumb blond out of a tree?

just wave at her.

The Sherwin-Williams paint company has created a new color, “Blonde.”

It’s not very bright, but it spreads easily.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

It was George the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years
of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same
neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route,
he was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly
congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift
envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine
cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific
fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly
beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by
the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to
the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate
love he had ever experienced!

When he had enough, they went downstairs where she fixed him a
giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry
waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly
satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was
pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the
cup’s bottom edge.

“All of this was just too wonderful for words.” He said, “But
what’s the dollar for”?

“Well,” she said, “last night, I told my husband that today
would be your last day, and that we should do something special
for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said, “Screw him.
Give him a dollar.” “The breakfast was my idea!!”

Q. How do you find a blonde in long grass?
A. Pleasing!

Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It’s not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

Legend has it that in the ladies room in a bar in New York there is a mirror that if you tell the truth in front of it you are granted one wish but if you tell a lie you are swallowed up by the mirror.

One day a ginger walked in and she was alright looking and said
“i think i am the most beatiful girl alive”” and poof she was swallowed up.

The a fat brunette walked in and said
“”I think i am the most sexiest woman in the world””and poof she was gone.

The in walked a blond and she said to the mirror
“”I think….. and poof she was gone.

“

What is plastic and preppy ?

A: a barbie doll

This blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, “I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe.”

The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies “But I don’t have any money…. and I *must* get a message to her, it’s urgent!… I’ll do anything to get a message to her.”

The clerk replies “Anything?”

“Yes…. ANYTHING!” replies the blonde.

He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him. “Unzip me…”

She does.

“Take it out….. go ahead.”

She does this as well.

She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says “Well… go ahead.. do it..”

She brings her lips close to it and shouts “Hello?…. Mom?”

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, “Awww, look at the dead birdie”.
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, “Where?”

Q. What do twenty blondes standing ear to ear make?
A. A wind tunnel.

Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. You can’t, they have always been like that.

Q: A blonde going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.

Q: How does a blonde try to kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.

There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.”If I can guess the exact number of sheep here will you let me have one?” she asked. The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed. “You have 171 sheep,” said the blonde in triumph. Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice. She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked. She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, “if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?” The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. Your a blonde! Now give me back my dog.

Q. Why did the blonde get fired from the banana factory?A. She kept throwing out all the bent ones!!