Category: blondes

What do turtles and blondes have in common?
If they’re on their back, they’re screwed!

There were three blondes getting executed, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.

The executer came up to the brunette and said, do you have any last words?

The brunette pointed to the sky and yelled HURRICANE!!!!!!!!!!Everyone ran for safety.

The executer came up to the redhead and said, do you have any last words?

The redhead pointed to the sky and yelled TORNADO!!!!!!!!!!Everyone ran for safety.

The executer came up to the blonde and said, do you have any last words?

The blonde pointed to the sky and yelled FIRE!!!!!!!!!!The executer shot her.

Why does a blonde only change diaper on her baby once a month?
….
Because it says good for up to 20 pounds

What do you call a bleached blonde standing on her head?

A brunette with bad breath!

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman

“You have to help me, I hurt all over,” said the woman.

“What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor. “Be a little more specific.”

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right earlobe, “Ow, even THAT hurts,” she cried.

The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and asked, “Are you a natural blonde?”

“Why, yes,” she said.

“I thought so,” said the doctor, “You have a broken finger.”

Why can’t a blonde dial 911?
She can’t find the eleven.

The angry preacher…

The preacher rose with a red face. “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family!”

No one moved.

The preacher continued, ” Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood. Remember, you will be forgiven and in our heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression!”

Again all was quiet.

Slowly a “drop dead” gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke.

“Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan.
I told a couple of friends you were a wizard under the sheets.”

Was Pandora blonde or brunette?A: Brunette. The blonde they gave the box to couldn’t get it opened.

There was a blonde driving down the center of the road at 100 mph. A police officer pulled her over to the side of the road. When she had stopped, the officer asked, “License and Registration please.”

“It’s okay, Officer, I have a special license that allows me to do this,” she said smiling.

“That’s impossible!” The officer replied, “I’ve never heard of such a license.”

To which the driver reached into her purse and handed him her license. Astonished, the Officer said, “Just as I suspected. This is an ordinary license, I see nothing here that would allow you special consideration.”

She pointed to the bottom of the license and said, “Can you see this?? It says so right here: ‘Tear Along The Dotted Line’.”

Why do blondes drive BMWs?Because they can spell it.

There is this blonde in the middle of a parkinglot rowing a boat.

This other blonde drives by an dsees this blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a parking lot So she stops her car gets out and yells “IF I COULD SWIM, I WOULD SIM OVER THERE AND DROWN YOU. YOU GIVE US BLONDES A BAD NAME!!”

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking
down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A1: The dumb blonde! Because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth
fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a
smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.