Category: blondes

Why don’t blondes like to breast feed their children?

Because it hurts when they boil their nipples.

Q. Why was the blonde so happy when she finished the puzzle in 3 weeks?

A. Because the box said 4 to 5 years.

A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches every part of her body with her finger, she says, ‘Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts and even my head hurts.’

The doctor asks, ‘Were you ever a blonde?’

‘Yes I was,’ she replies. ‘Why do you ask?’

The doctor answers, ‘Because your finger is broken.’

The blonde was broke and desperate. She knocked on the door of a doctor’s
house and said she needed money and would be willing to work for it. The doctor
asked if she would be willing to paint his porch. He would give her $50 to do
it.
The blonde said that would be fine. The doctor’s wife said the blonde must be
really dumb to do such a big job for only $50. “Does she realize that the porch
goes all the way? Around the house?” the wife asked. “I guess so,” the doctor
told his wife. A few minutes later, the blonde knocked on the door. “All done,”
she said, “and by the way, it’s not a porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

There were 2 blondes standing on opposite sides of a lake . One blonde yells across to the other “Hey how do you get to the other side!?”The other blonde yells back “You r on the other side!!!!”

This blonde walked into a party store and asked the cashier if he had a hanger
or something to unlock her car because she locked her keys in the car. He nodded
and handed her a hanger. She thanked him and went outside to set to work. A
little while later the cashier decided to check on her and saw her working at it
and another blonde in the car was saying “a little to the left…no, a little to
the right…”

A blonde called the fire department and said “GET OVER HERE QUICK! MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE!”The Fire Chief said, “Ok, now just calm down and tell us how to get to your place.””Well, duh, big red truck, silly man”

Two blond guys were sitting around talking. After awhile, first blond
looks at the second blonde and says, “Hey, you want to go up for a ride in
my airplane?”

The second guy says, “Wow, you have an airplane? Let’s go!”

So they go for a tour around the city in the plane. Eventually they run
low on fuel and need to land. The blond pilot starts circling around
looking for a place to land. He sees an airstrip close by. He says his new
buddy along for the ride, “Let’s land here. It looks like it’s as good a
place as any.”

So he circles around and goes in for a landing, but at the last minute he
swerves and pulls back up. “Damn!” he says, “That is the shortest runway I
have ever seen! How is anyone supposed to land on it?” Since it’s the only
runway nearby, he decides to try again, with the same result.

Getting pretty irritated, the pilot says to his friend, “All right, I’m
going to try one more time, and if I can’t land it we’re just going to
crash and hope we don’t die.” So they end up crashing, and miraculously
neither is hurt.

When they crawl out of the wreckage, the first guy is swearing and
gesticulates wildly at the runway. “I’m gonna find whoever designed this
crazy runway and wring his neck! He must be total moron! No one could land
on anything that short!”

The second guy looks around and says “Yeah, but look how wide it is!”

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?A: To keep from bruising their ears.

How do you kill a blonde?
Put a scratch-and-sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops – especially cops with their lights on.

After they’ve been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she’s seen any cops.

“Yes, says the blonde”.

“Are their lights on?”

The blonde has to think for a moment, pauses, then says, “Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.”

The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alchohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through tiolet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
Helicopter ejector seat