Category: blondes

A blonde goes to return abook at the Library. She say to the Librarian “There are too many words in this book.” The Librarian say “So your the one that stole our Dictionary.”

There’s a blonde in a bar, huge tits, an ass to die for…all
round fuckin’ babe. A group of guys across the bar see this fine
lookin’ lady and decide they are going to see if the “head
hauncho” of the group can pick this chick up! So all the guys
put $20 in the pot and send off this sorry bastard toward the
blonde. He standing there, she smiles…he whispers a few sweet
nothings in her ear, she laughs…he takes her by the hand, and
she leaves with him. The guys can’t believe it!

So the guy and gal end up goin’ back to his place. The guy has
the largest fuckin’ “chubb” on in the world…and before a fat
bitch could finish eating a ding-dong…they’re fucking like
pigs!

After about 2 minutes of barn yard banging, the guy jizzes all
over the bitch an decides he’s had enough and tells the blonde
to roll over.

After about 3 minutes of layin’ around the blonde turns towards
the guy and asks, “Do you have AIDS?” He says, “Fuck no!” And
she replies, “PPPHHeeeEEEWWW!!! THANK GOD! I WOULDN’T WANTA
CATCH THAT AGAIN…”

A brunette walks into a bar and says, ”Gimme an M L.” The bartender says, ” What’s an M L?” She says, ” A Miller Light.” Another Brunette walks in and says, “Gimme a B L.” The bartender says, ”What’s a B L?” She says, ”Bud Light.” A dumb blonde walks in and says, ”Gimme a 15.” The bar tender says,” What’s a fifteen?” She says,” 7&7, duh!”

What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?

Air bubbles.

There was a blonde and a redhead in a store
and the blonde had headsets over her ears
and the redhead said…

redhead: Take those off the workers will think u stole them.

blonde: I can not or I will die.

redhead: Very funny now take them off!

blonde: I can not or will die!

So the redhead takes the headset off a the blonde dies. So the redhead puts the headphones on and listen to what it says.
And it says “Breathe in breathe out. Breathe in breathe out.”

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, “Oh, it’s Sunday night and my car broke down! I don’t know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?
“Well,” drawls the farmer, “you can stay here, but I don’t want you messin’ with my sons Jed and Luke.”

She looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties.

“Okay”, she says.

After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a little horny just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, “Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?”

They say, “Huh?”

She says, “The only thing is, I don’t want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers.” She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.

Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth.

Jed says, “Luke?”

Luke says, “Yeah, Jed?”

Jed says, “You remember that blond woman that came by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?”

“Yeah,” says Luke, “I remember.”

“Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?” asks Jed.

“Nope,” says Luke, “I reckon not”.

“Me, neither,” says Jed, “Let’s take these things off.”

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

ok, so there are two blondes,walking down the street. and one of them steps on an empty compact, while they are walking, and then looks into the mirror and says wow. this person looks really familliar. and the other one looks in to the mirror and says duh you idiot thats me.

why did the blonde plumers go to and stand by a tree.

because it had a crack showing to.

Did you hear about the blonde who…

…thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates?

Seven Degrees Of BlondeONEA married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. Thewife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up. The husband said, “Who was that?” The wife said, “I don’t know; some woman wanting to know ‘if the coast is clear.” TWO Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar.” the second blonde says, “Here, let me see!” So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me!” THREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it.” The blonde replies, “Shut up, you’re next!”FOUR A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, “Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.” A friend says, “OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?” The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy: W.” FIVE What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? “Is it mine?” SIX A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. “My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?” “Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped. “Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. “Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. “I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was….” “Uh, ma’am,” the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.” SEVEN Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K_9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K_9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!”

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together.

Just yesterday one of you takes away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!!”