Category: blondes

Q-What does the blonde and her beer bottle have in common?
A-They are both empty from the neck up?

A blonde was going to six flags and she came across a sign that said “six flags left” so she went home.

There are 3 girls, a brunet, a red head, and a blonde they are all in a car and they are going for a bushwalk, so the red head gets out of the car with her drink bottle, the brunet does the same thing, and then the blonde gets out of the car and also takes her drink bottle and she cuts of the door of the car and takes it with her. Then the red head asks her, “Why did you take off the car door?” the blonde replied, “Because, when I get cold I can just wind the window up, and when I get hot I can wind the window down!”.

There was a blonde, burnette, and a redhead were stranded on an island. they figured out that the island was 100 meters from the shore. The burnette thought she could swim there, so she swam 15 meters and then got tired and sank.
The red head also tried to swim there, but only got to 17 meters before she got tired and sank.
The blonde also swam. She swam FIFTY meters before she got tired. After she got tired, she swam the 50 meters back to the island.

A Blonde walks into a Restaraunt, and she goes straight to the bulletin board in the back. She looks at the bulletin board and sees a piece of paper that sais “Ocean Cruise Only 5$”.

She pulls the piece of paper off the wall and goes to the address listed on the back of paper. She walks into the building and hands the secretary the piece of paper.

The secretary nods and asks if she had the five dollars. The blonde nods and pulls five dollars out of her pocket and hands it to the secretary.

The secretary looks over to a burly black guy reading a news paper. She nods to the black guy. He stands up and knocks the blonde unconcious.

When the blonde wakes up, she’s tied to a log and is floating down river. She started to think that this was a bad idea, when all of a sudden she sees one of her friends, (who is also blonde) tied to a log floating right next to her.

The blonde she looks at her freind and says “So do you think they’re going to serve us some food on this trip?”

And the other blonde replies “They didn’t serve any last year?”

Acute: Opposite of an ugly.
Adenoid: Domino’s Pizza character.
Advil: Used to hammer things on.
AIDS: Helpers or Assistants. Anally Occurring yearly.
Aphrodisiac: An African disc jockey.
Artery: Study of fine paintings.
Aspirin: Having great ambitions.
Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria.
Barium: What doctors do when treatment fails.
Benign: What you are after you be eight.
Blood: A type of Gang.
Bowel: A letter like A, E, I, O, or U.
Bruise: A six-pack.
Cesarean Section: A district in Rome.
Capsule: A space ship.
Catheter: String instruments.
Cat Scan: Searching for kitty.
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.
Clitoris: A type of flower.
Colic: A sheep dog.
Coma: A punctuation mark.
Condom: Apartment complex.
Congenital: Friendly.
Concussion: A prisoner’s sofa pillow.
Constipation: An important U.S. document.
D&C: Where Washington is.
Diaphragm: A drawing in geometry.
Diarrhea: Journal of daily events.
Dilate: To live long.
Dildo: Variety of sweet pickle.
Douche: Italian word for “12.”
Enema: Not a friend.
Erection: When the Japanese vote.
Femur: Not a Male.
Fester: Quicker.
Fibula: Small lie.
Fracture: A number less than one.
Genital: Non-Jewish.
G.I. Series: Baseball series for soldiers.
Grippe: Suit case.
Hair: Rodent with long ears.
Hangnail: Coat hook.
Heart: Bow & Arrow target.
High Colonic: Jewish religious holiday.
Hospital: An unknown person ejecting saliva.
Immune: Congressional perk.
Impotent: Distinguished; well known.
Infection: Russians coming to the U.S.
Intense pain: Torture in a teepee.
Intestines: Beta version of forks.
Jaundice: To include in a group.
Jaw: A shark without as much teeth.
Joint: A location or place.
Kinesthetics: A relationship towards relatives.
Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.
Laceration: Dainty material allotment.
Leper: A wild cat.
Lesbian: Person from the Middle East.
Lesion: A unit of Roman Army.
Loin: Not fat.
Lymph: A special Fairy.
Lymph Node: Where special Fairy lives.
Major Operation: A job for the Major.
Malaria: Several shopping Stores.
Mammogram: A telegram to Mom.
Manic Depressive: A man pressed down to the floor.
Medical Staff: Doctor’s cane.
Medicare: A partial care.
Meningitis: Getting a Man.
Menstrual cycle: Bloody vehicle for men.
Menstruation: Male Model display.
Midwife: Second wife in three marriages.
Migraine: Not your wheat.
Minor Operation: Coal digging.
Miscarriage: Firing a Rifle and missing a target.
Morbid: Higher offer.
Mucus: Not quite in focus.
Nitrate: Cheaper than a day rate.
Node: Was aware of.
Organic: Musical.
Orgasm: Person who accompanies the church choir.
Outpatient: Person who has fainted.
Ovaries: French egg dish made with cheese.
Papsmear: Fatherhood
Tablet: A small table.
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.
Testicles: Sucking sacks found on an octopus.
Tibia: Country in North Africa.
Tumor: More than one.
Ultrasound: A loud noise.
Umbilical Cord: Part of a parachute.
Urine: Opposite of “You’re Out.”
Vagina: Heart trouble.
Varicose: Near by.
Varicose Veins: Veins very close to each other.
Vein: Conceited.
Weak: Seven days.
Zit: Dog Command.

Submitted by blueindiansquaw
Edited by Curtis

There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead standing on the beach.

They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel.

After some dicussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.

One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the English coast she decided that they couldn’t be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two.

After a cold night of waiting, the Brunette finally came into sight. “What took you so long?” inquired the Redhead.

“There were some strong currents out there! But I’m here now! Am I the last?” replied the Brunette.

“No. Blondie is still out there somewhere.” They decided to wait.

Day after day the two swimmers sat on the beach until on the 5th day Blondie came into view. Once on dry land the Brunette asked the blonde “What took you so long?”

“What do you expect? You guy’s cheated, replied the blonde, “You used your hands!”

Q. Whats the difference between a blonde and the trash????

A. At least the trash gets taken out once a week.

Why did the blonde snort sweetner??

She thought it was diet coke.

Submitted by Calamjo

Three Blondes were walking in the woods.Then one said”Look deer tracks”.The other one said “No those are bear tracks”.The last one said”Those are moose tracks .Then a train hit them.

A blond goes fishing on private property. The owner of the
property sees this and is a bit upset, so he confronts the
blond. Pointing to a sign, the owner points out, “That sign says
‘PRIVATE PROPERTY.’ Can’t you read?!” The blond replies, “But
the top of the sign said PRIVATE, so I didn’t read the rest of
it!”

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What’s the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.

Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means “Stop, wrong hole.”

Q: Why don’t blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.

Q: Why do blondes wear panties?
A: They make good ankle warmers.

Q: Why don’t blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!

Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.

Q: What’s the mating call of the blonde?
A: “I’m *sooo* drunk!”

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) “I said: I’m drunk!”

Q: What’s the mating call of the brunette?
A: “All the blondes have gone home!”

Q: What’s a brunette’s mating call ?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?

Q: What’s the mating call of the redhead?
A: “Next!”

Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST — Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.

Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won’t give in?
A: “Have another beer.”