Category: blondes

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.

In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “GREEN SIDE UP! “In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!” The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.

In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP!”

The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?”

“I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.”

Two guys were on a long drive back from a fishing trip, when the
blond guy turned to the other and said he needed to go to the
bathroom. So they stopped the truck and he went behind the
bushes. When he came back the other said, “That was fast.”

“Well I need to take a shit but I’ve got nothing to wipe my ass
with.”

The other answers, “That’s easy just go on back, pull out a
dollar, and wipe your ass with it.”

“O.K.” he says as he goes back over to the bush. Later he comes
back with a really upset look on his face and shit all over his
hands and says, “That was a terrible idea. Not only did I get
shit all over me, I’ve got 4 quarters stuck up my ass!”

Funny joke in the geography section, talk about a real idiot!

A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city.
Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, “Honey, are you feeling all right?”

“Not really,” the blonde replied. “I’m nauseous from sitting backward on the train.”

“Poor dear,” Mom said. “Why didn’t you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?”

“I couldn’t,” she replied, “there was no one there.”

There’s a brunette walking down a set of railroad tracks saying,”21, 21, 21…”Then a blonde pulls up, gets out of her car, and says,”What are you doing?”The brunette replies,”Just counting.”The blonde says,”May I join you?””Yes,” replies the brunette. So the blonde and the brunette are now both walking down the railroad tracks saying,”21, 21, 21…”A train comes and the brunette jumps off the tracks as the blonde gets hit. After the train passes, the brunette gets back on the tracks and says,”22, 22, 22…”

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn’t find any buyers. She called her
friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car.

“235,000 miles.” Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde’s
friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to
whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the
miles at 40,000. Two days later the blend�s friend asked her if she sold the car
since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, “Why would I sell the
car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!”

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q-What does the blonde and her beer bottle have in common?
A-They are both empty from the neck up?

A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him “Head and Shoulders” and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, “How do you give shoulders?”

There are 3 girls, a brunet, a red head, and a blonde they are all in a car and they are going for a bushwalk, so the red head gets out of the car with her drink bottle, the brunet does the same thing, and then the blonde gets out of the car and also takes her drink bottle and she cuts of the door of the car and takes it with her. Then the red head asks her, “Why did you take off the car door?” the blonde replied, “Because, when I get cold I can just wind the window up, and when I get hot I can wind the window down!”.

A Blonde walks into a Restaraunt, and she goes straight to the bulletin board in the back. She looks at the bulletin board and sees a piece of paper that sais “Ocean Cruise Only 5$”.

She pulls the piece of paper off the wall and goes to the address listed on the back of paper. She walks into the building and hands the secretary the piece of paper.

The secretary nods and asks if she had the five dollars. The blonde nods and pulls five dollars out of her pocket and hands it to the secretary.

The secretary looks over to a burly black guy reading a news paper. She nods to the black guy. He stands up and knocks the blonde unconcious.

When the blonde wakes up, she’s tied to a log and is floating down river. She started to think that this was a bad idea, when all of a sudden she sees one of her friends, (who is also blonde) tied to a log floating right next to her.

The blonde she looks at her freind and says “So do you think they’re going to serve us some food on this trip?”

And the other blonde replies “They didn’t serve any last year?”

A blonde was going to six flags and she came across a sign that said “six flags left” so she went home.