Category: blondes

Why did the blond jump off the building?

She wanted to see if her Maxi-pad realy had wings!

The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family. “We’ve been trying for months now, Doctor, and I don’t seem to be able to get pregnant,” she confessed miserably.

“I’m sure we’ll solve your problem,” the doctor reassured her. “If you’ll just take off your underpants and get up on the examining table…”

“Well, all right, Doctor,” agreed the young woman, blushing, “but I’d rather have my husband’s baby.”

A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway. He started chasing after the speeder . When he got close he’s saw it was a blonde woman who was actually knitting while driving. The cop yelled, “Pull over!” The blonde shouted back, “No! It’s a sweater!”

A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It’s a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.

The steward who checks tickets says, “I’m so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class.”

“I can do What-eva I want, I’m a blonde.” Well I’ll get the pilot.

The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says,” What did you say?”

The pilot simply says,” I told her 1st class wasn’t going to Miami, just coach was!!!”

There was a blonde who was taking her kids to Disney Land. When they were about half way there, the blonde say a sign that said “Disney Land Left,” so the blonde turned back around and went home.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said “DON’T WALK”.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can’t bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn’t get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw “911” on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: Because she loved children.

Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor ??
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail she was hammering?The noise gave her a headache.

you might be a redneck if you fall asleep in the waffle house

What do you call two blondes in a bubble gum conest…. double dumb

Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
So she could lip read.

A blonde lady was driving down the road injoying the sceenery and the breeze in her hair when she saw another blonde woman sitting in a row boat in the middle of a field of wheat, rowwing. Hitting hard on the brakes, she spun the car aound and drove back to the woman in the boat. Slamming her car door she stomps over to the edge of the wheat field and yelled “It is stupid people like you that give blondes a bad name! And if I could swim, I would come out there and give you what for!”

A really hot beautiful blonde was about to jump off a bridge to
kill herself. As she got ready to jump, Santa Clause came
walking down and he said, “Now hold up a minute missy. Step down
from there. I am the real Santa Clause.” Surprised, she stepped
down and said, “What?” Santa said, “This may sound weird, but I
am the real Santa Clause. I am allowed to make one surprise
visit per Christmas, and you looked like you needed a little
help. What’s wrong?”

“I have been working at my job for 3 great years and I got fired
today. I thought to myself, whatever doesn’t kill me can make me
stronger. So I went home to my great husband of 5 years only to
find him fucking my best friend! So I said to myself, ‘I lost my
job, my boyfriend and my best friend, I have nothing else to
live for!'”

Santa said, “Alright, I can clean up this mess if you could do
one thing for me.” “Anything,” the blonde said. “How about a
blow job.”

After about 20 minutes of bliss for Santa he said, “Thank you.
When you go home, you will have your husband, best friend, and
job back.” She said, “Great!”

Santa said, “One more thing, how old are you?” She replied, “24.
Why?”

Santa walked off and said, “24 and still believes in Santa
Clause!”