Category: blondes

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant…

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On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket.

The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.”

Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.

Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.”

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do.

The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this.” He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde’s ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, “Why didn’t anyone just say so.”

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.

The pilot replied, “I told her the first class section wasn’t going to New York.”

Blonde Chicken Farme

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It was autumn, and time for the blonde chicken farmer to go over his books. To his puzzlement,he found that his flock of Rhode Island Reds was twice as profitable, in terms of the eggs they produced, as was his flock of White Leghorns.”Look at this,” he said to his wife.”I’ve gone over the numbers again and again, and there’s no doubt about it: the Reds are laying twice as many eggs, and bringing in twice the money of the Whites. I just don’t understand it.””I’ll tell you something else,” said his equally blonde wife, running a finger over the figures in her husband’s spreadsheet.”It looks like the Reds are eating twice as much as the Whites too. Maybe that’s why they’re producing twice as many eggs.””By golly, you’re right,” said the farmer. Stymied, he went to bed that night, making a mental note to call an expert the next day.He spent the following morning on the phone, calling the best poultry experts all over the country, but none could offer a satisfactory explanation as to why a flock of Rhode Island Reds would eat twice as much or produce twice as many eggs as a flock of White Leghorns.On the verge of giving up, the farmer realized he had wasted a whole morning on the phone, when he should have been out tending his chickens. He hurried out to the huge hen house, where he ran into Jeb, the young farmhand.”Get up late this morning?” asked Jeb.The farmer explained, as he had at least twenty times already that day, about the mystery of the chickens, and how he had sought expert advice, to no avail.Jeb listened, and when the farmer was done talking, said, “Boss, I think I can tell you why the Reds are eating twice as much and laying twice as many eggs as the Whites.”The blonde farmer smirked.”Oh, really, Jeb? And why would that be?””Well, Boss,” said Jeb, “you own twice as many Reds.”

Getting the Contract

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Back in the old west, there was a need to connect the east and the west with a telegraph line. The Manager of the project advertised for workers to complete the job.

Three groups responded. A group of Chinese, a group of Italians, and a group of Blondes.

Since none of the groups would work with anyone from the other two groups, the manager decided to assign each group to a different part of the line.

The first task was to stand the telegraph poles. The Manager sent each group out to a different location. Before they left, he advised all three groups that the one to bury the most poles today, would receive a bonus.

At the end of the day, the foreman of the Italians reported back to the Manager. The Manager inquired of him how many poles had been set by his group. He replied 48. The manager was very pleased. He advised the Italian to stay awhile until he heard how the Chinese and the Blondes did.

Next to report was the foreman of the Chinese group. When asked, he reported that they had set 53 poles that day. Again the manager was delighted. He dismissed the Italian foreman and asked the Chinese leader to remain until the Blondes checked in.

A little while later the Blonde forewoman reported to the Manager. “How many poles did your group set?” He asked. “Two.” Replied the Blonde forewoman. “Two!” Exclaimed the Manager. “The Italians set 48 poles, and the Chinese set 53. How could you Blondes have only set two poles?” He demanded.

“It may be true the Italians and Chinese buried more poles than us.” Replied the Blonde. “But you should see how much of the poles they left sticking out of the ground!”

TGIF

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A businessman got into an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, ‘T-G-I-F’

He smiled at her and replied,
‘S-H-I-T’

She looked at him puzzled and said, ‘T-G-I-F’ again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, ‘S-H-I-T.’

The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possible, ‘T-G-I-F’ another time.

The man smiled back at her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, ‘S-H-I-T.’

The blonde finally decided to explain things and this time she said, ‘T-G-I-F. Thank Goodness It’s Friday, get it?’

The man answered, ‘S-H-I-T, Sorry Honey It’s Thursday.’