Category: blondes

A blonde went to a beauty salon to get a haircut. When the beautician approached the chair where the blonde was waiting, she noticed that she was wearing a walkman. The beautician took the blonde to her styling booth. She asked the blonde, “Please take off the walkman so I can cut your hair.” The blonde replied, “I can’t do without it, just cut around it.”

The beautician shook her head in disbelief and started cutting. A few minutes later the beautician stopped and asked the blonde, “I just can’t cut your hair properly while you are wearing that walkman. Please take it off.” The blonde replied, “I just can’t live without it, cut around it please.” The beautician started cutting again and finally had had enough.

The beautician reached down and pulled the earphones from the walkman off the blonde. Just as she did so the blonde froze, then fell out off the chair and on to the floor. The staff at the salon rushed to her aid only to discover she was stone dead. All were stunned! The beautician lifted the earphones to her ear to listen to what was so important to the blonde.

In a soft but commanding voice she heard, “Breathe in………. Breathe out………… Breathe in………. Breathe out………… Breathe in………. Breathe out…………”

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

A: 30 – 1 to make the batter and 29 to peel the smarties.

Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper? So she could lip read.

A blonde bombshell walks into the airplane and sits in 1st Class and the stewardess asks her for her ticket…
The stewardess tells her that she only has a coach ticket. The blonde says, “I’m a cute looking blonde and I’m flying first class.”
The stewardess replies that she only has a coach seat to Atlanta….
The blonde then retorts, “I’m a cute blonde and I’m flying first class”.
Just then the captain happened by and asked what was happening….
The blonde tells him, “I’m a cute blonde and I’m flying first class….
The captain whispers in her ear…and the blonde gets up and jumps into a seat in the coach cabin…
The stewardess asks the captain what he said to get her to move so fast..
He replied, “I told her that 1st class is not going to Atlanta.”

How did the blonde die drinking milk?

The cow fell on her.

A certain young man finally won a date with the blonde female of somewhat questionable morals that lived in his apartment complex.To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get a sunburn on his “tool of the trade”. But the young man was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man’s sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his Johnson immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, “So that’s how you guys load those things!”

2 blonds walk into a bar .>..>…> u think 1 of them would of seen it !

( we arnt all dumb you no just 50% are )

A blonde was standing in front of a pop machine.
Her boyfriend looks over and hears here sceaming at the machine…

“You’re a dumb-looking button!”
“You don’t have much of a future, either!”
“You’re going to be replaced by a much better looking button!”
“I’ve got better looking buttons than you in my dresser drawer!”

Thinking she flipped her lid, her boyfriend walks over to see what the fuss is about.

“What in the heck are you doing?” her boyfriend asks.

The blonde quickly points to the sign on the front of the machine that read…
“DEPRESS BUTTON FOR ICE”.

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into.The firemen yell to the Brunette, “Jump! Jump! It’s your only chance to survive!” The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away…the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.”C’mon! Jump! You gotta jump!’ say the firemen to the Redhead.”Oh no! You’re gonna pull the blanket away!” says the Redhead.”No! It’s Brunettes we can’t stand! We’re OK with Redheads!””OK” says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell “Jump! You have to jump!””No way! You’re just gonna pull the blanket away!” yelled the Blonde.”No! Really! You have to jump! We won’t pull the blanket away!””Look,” the Blonde says, “nothing you say is gonna convince me that you’re not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it . . .”

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?

A: Grade
4.

One day a blonde chick was walking with her husband. He said “Babe, we have to go to bed more often”.

She replied, Why? Do I have bags already?”

Q. Why did the blonde throw bread crumbs down the toilet?

A. To feed the toilet duck!

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman