It is incredible how much intelligence is used in this world to prove nonsense.
Author: admin
Knock Knock 150
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Pyjamas!
Pyjamas who?
Pyjamas around me and hold me tight!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Quacker!
Quacker who?
Quacker another bad joke and I’m leaving!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Quebec!
Quebec who?
Quebec to the end of the line!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Quiet Tina!
Quiet Tina who?
Quiet Tina courtroom – monkey wants to speak!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Rabbit!
Rabbit who?
Rabbit up carefully, it’s a present!
FDA
the fda is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such
as:
13. warning: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.
12. warning: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
a******.
11. warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same
boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.
10. warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to they sings like thish.
9. warning: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
8. warning: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your pants.
7. warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning
and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can’t remember).
6. warning: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead.
5. warning: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really big guy named chuck.
4. warning: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
3. warning: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
with you.
2. warning: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to
disappear.
1. warning: consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.
The time
There was a guy. and he was working at his grocery store when a
lady asked for the time. he said.. time to get a watch.
the lady ran off and asked another guy.
he said the same thing. then she tried one more time.
this guy said. I dont know.
And she said,i do,its time to get a watch.
Which End Up?
Yo mama so ugly, when she was in labor the doctor asked which end!
Why does Clinton…
Why does Clinton were underwear?
To keep his ankles warm!
Hot Mamma
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'”
The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur. Be careful.'”
Submitted by Phil
Bill Helps Gorby
Gorbachev called Clinton with an emergency: “Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the Russian President cried. “My people’s favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!”
“Mikhael, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,” replied the President.
“I do need your help,” said Gorbachev. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?”
“Why certainly! I’ll get right on it!” said Clinton.
“Oh, and one more small favor, please?”
“Yes?” “Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?”
“No problem,” replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan.
“I need a favor, you’ve got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia.”
“Consider it done,” said the President of Trojan.
“Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10″ long and 4″ wide.”
“Easily done. Anything else?”
“Yeah,” said the President, “print ‘MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM’ on each one.”
Prescribed
A badly constipated man went to the doctors. The doctor prescribed suppositories and told the man to take one once every four hours. The man left the doctor, happy that his problem would soon be gone.
When he got home, he took a suppository, swallowing it with a glass of water. Four hours passed. Nothing happened. But he figured that these things take time, so he swallowed another one, hoping he would reap the benefits very soon. After several days of taking the suppositories every four hours, he was still constipated, so he returned to the doctor.
When he explained that he took one every four hours, as prescribed, the doctor exclaimed, “What are you doing? Swallowing them?”
The man replied sarcastically, “No, I’m shoving them up my arse!!!”
Webster’s Clintonese
“My fellow citizens” = “Suckers”
“I didn’t inhale” = “I think you’re all idiots”
“goals” = “lies”
“broad-based contributions” = “taxes”
“investing in our infrastructure” = “pork-barrel spending”
“spending cuts” = “decimating the military”
“jobs program” = “military base lay-offs”
“Vietnam” = “where?”
“Attorney General” = “the first semi-qualified woman I could find without a
criminal record”
“God bless America” = “God help us, ’cause I don’t have a clue”
In Elyria, Ohio, in October,
In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
house.
I Thought You Were M
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.””Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!” she screamed.”Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”