Q: How many Duke students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three – one to change the bulb, and two to crack under the pressure.
Author: admin
YA MoMMa So FaT…
Ya momma is soooo fat that when she sits around the house, she actually SITS AROUND the house.
En la clase de Pepito
En la clase de Pepito pregunta la profesora: “Carlitos, �una palabra con la letra c?”, y Pepito le susurra: “di culero, di culero”, el ni�o no le hace caso y contesta “cama”.
Luego dice la maestra: “Luisito, una palabra con la letra m”, y cuchichea Pepito: “di mierda, di mierda”.
Y as� sucesivamente, hasta que le colma la paciencia a la profesora y �sta piensa: “hoy voy a fregar a este Pepito”.
“A ver Pepito, 11 palabras con la letra p”. Y comienza Pepito: “pinche, puta profesora, pens� pisar Pepito, pero Pepito prevenido, puso preservativo”.
Movie line – Not PC
One of many great lines from the movie: ‘As Good As It Gets’Scene: Reception area of a major publishing house. Jack Nicholson is best selling romance novel author Melvin Udall, a rather cranky and quirky old guy who really doesn’t like people at all. The cute young blond receptionist sees that she has a chance at last to gush over her favorite author and after a ritual bag of compliments asks:Receptionist: How *do* you write women so well?Melvin Udall: Quite simply: I think of men, and I take away reason and accountability.
Bar Trick
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals – unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try”.
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. “I’ll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle”
The time
There was a guy. and he was working at his grocery store when a
lady asked for the time. he said.. time to get a watch.
the lady ran off and asked another guy.
he said the same thing. then she tried one more time.
this guy said. I dont know.
And she said,i do,its time to get a watch.
Which End Up?
Yo mama so ugly, when she was in labor the doctor asked which end!
An Apocalyptic One-Liner
Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the
date back a little just to be funny.
Moral Question
Here is a moral question for you. This is an imaginary situation, but it may
be interesting deciding what you would do.
The situation: You are in the Midwest, and there is a huge flood in progress.
Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised, and infrastructure
destroyed. Let’s say you’re a photographer out getting still photos for a news
service, traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes. If you were
to stumble across Bill Clinton struggling to keep from being swept away in a
raging river and you had a choice of rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer
prize-winning photograph of the death of a President, what shutter speed would
you use?
Women w/2mouths
Why do women have 2 mouths? So they can bitch and moan at the same time!!!
It is incredible how much
It is incredible how much intelligence is used in this world to prove nonsense.
Bill Helps Gorby
Gorbachev called Clinton with an emergency: “Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the Russian President cried. “My people’s favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!”
“Mikhael, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,” replied the President.
“I do need your help,” said Gorbachev. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?”
“Why certainly! I’ll get right on it!” said Clinton.
“Oh, and one more small favor, please?”
“Yes?” “Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?”
“No problem,” replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan.
“I need a favor, you’ve got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia.”
“Consider it done,” said the President of Trojan.
“Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10″ long and 4″ wide.”
“Easily done. Anything else?”
“Yeah,” said the President, “print ‘MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM’ on each one.”