Yo mama so ugly, when she was in labor the doctor asked which end!
Author: admin
1. RE�NANSE TODAS LAS PERSONAS
1. RE�NANSE TODAS LAS PERSONAS EN UN SOLO LUGAR
As� es m�s f�cil que los rescatistas encuentren todos los cuerpos de una vez y no pierdan tiempo buscando por aqu� y por all�.
2. AGUANTE LA RESPIRACI�N
Luego se acaba el ox�geno dentro de los escombros.
3. GUARDE LA CALMA
De todos modos… ya qu�.
4. TENGA A LA MANO UNA IDENTIFICACI�N
Hay que cooperar para la identificaci�n de cad�veres.
5. NO UTILICE LOS ELEVADORES NI LAS ESCALERAS
Solito va a llegar a la planta baja o al s�tano.
6. SI ESTA INGIRIENDO ALIMENTOS, DES�CHELOS
Con todo el tiempo que va a pasar para que lo encuentren, se pueden descomponer y producir mal olor, lo que puede confundir a los perros de rescate.
7. SI SOBREVIVE ENTRE LOS ESCOMBROS, NO GRITE
No gaste energ�a, no lo van a escuchar y puede despertar el p�nico.
8. SI SOBREVIVE ENTRE LOS ESCOMBROS Y VUELVE A TEMBLAR, NO SE MUEVA DE SU LUGAR
De todos modos no puede.
9. ESPERE A SER RESCATADO
�Que otra!
10. BUSQUE A LOS ARQUITECTOS, INGENIEROS Y ALBA�ILES QUE CONSTRUYERON EL EDIFICIO DONDE USTED SE ENCONTRABA
Dem�ndelos, s�balos a la monta�a rusa y deles una pedrada en la cabeza para que vean lo que se siente.
Sex doggie style
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.
“Does your wife ever…well, you know…does she…well, let you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two.
“Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.”
“Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?”
“Well, not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she’s most likely to roll over and play dead.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Adult shop
your mommas so fat not even god can help her
your mommas so fat she makes free willy look like a tic tac
your mommas so fat i have to take 3 busses and nine trains just to get on her good side.
Why does Clinton…
Why does Clinton were underwear?
To keep his ankles warm!
Scottish Cheapskates
A Scottish man heads for home after spending the whole night in a bar
drinking. He was carrying his little Scotch bottle in the left shirt pocket just
in case. Suddenly, a robber appears and threatens him with a gun. The Scot gets
scared, and the attacker shoots, aiming towards his heart, and then runs away.
The Scot falls down, puts his hand on his left pocket and feels something wet.
He cries, ”Oh my God! I hope its blood!” ‘
A redhead & a blonde
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 o’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the redhead replied, “I’ll take that bet!” Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed.
The redhead said, “I can’t take this, you’re my friend.”
The blonde said “No. A bet’s a bet.”
So the redhead said, “Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”
The blonde replied, “Well, so did I, but I never thought he’d jump again!”
Submitted by Danalockett
Edited by yisman and calamjo
Bar Football
One day a man was dumped by his girlfriend and goes to a bar. He
sits down and orders a beer. He turns to his left and sees a gay
guy smiling at him. The gay guy asks him if he would play “Bar
Football” with him. The man was very drunk and says, “What the
hell, how do you play?” The gay guy says, “What you do is take a
beer and chug it down without stopping, that’s 6 pionts. Then
for the extra piont you must pull your pants down and lay a big
fart.”
The gay guy takes his beer and chugs it down, pulls down his
pants and lays a high piched fart. The gay guy says, “Your
turn!”. The man takes his beer and chugs it down. The gay guy
says “6 pionts!” As the man pulls his pants down the gay guy
whips his penis out and sticks it up the man’s ass and starts
screaming, “Block that kick, block that kick!!!”
En la clase de Pepito
En la clase de Pepito pregunta la profesora: “Carlitos, �una palabra con la letra c?”, y Pepito le susurra: “di culero, di culero”, el ni�o no le hace caso y contesta “cama”.
Luego dice la maestra: “Luisito, una palabra con la letra m”, y cuchichea Pepito: “di mierda, di mierda”.
Y as� sucesivamente, hasta que le colma la paciencia a la profesora y �sta piensa: “hoy voy a fregar a este Pepito”.
“A ver Pepito, 11 palabras con la letra p”. Y comienza Pepito: “pinche, puta profesora, pens� pisar Pepito, pero Pepito prevenido, puso preservativo”.
Hot Mamma
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'”
The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur. Be careful.'”
Submitted by Phil
Duke
Q: How many Duke students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three – one to change the bulb, and two to crack under the pressure.
It is better to be
It is better to be part of the idle rich class than be part of the idle poor class.