It seems that when the Lord was making the world, he called man over and bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex life. Man was horrified. “Only twenty years of normal sex life?” but the Lord was very adamant, that was all man could have.Then the Lord called the monkey and gave him twenty years. “But I don’t need twenty years”, he protested, “ten is plenty for me.” Man spoke up eagerly, “Can I have the other ten?” The monkey graciously agreed.Then the Lord called the lion and gave him twenty years, and the lion, like the monkey wanted only ten. Again the man spoke up, “Can I have the other ten?” The lion said of course he could.Then came the donkey and he was given twenty years-but like the others,ten was sufficient-and again man pleaded, “Can I have the other ten?” The donkey said yes he could.This explains why man has twenty years of normal sex life, plus ten years of monkeying around, ten years of lion about it, and ten years of making an ass of himself.
Author: admin
En casa del veterinario suena
En casa del veterinario suena el tel�fono a la una de la ma�ana:
“�S�?”, contesta aturdido el experto.
Detr�s de la l�nea, se escucha la voz de una anciana:
“�Por favor, necesito su ayuda: mi pobre Fif�, que es una perrita preciooosa, est�… Eh… Siendo apareada por un enooorme pastor alem�n! �Es horriiiible, parece que se han quedado atascados o algo as�, y mi pooobre Fif� est� aullaaaando de dolor! �Podr�a usted hacer algo?”
“Grrrmmfs… Mire, �por qu� no cuelga el tel�fono, despu�s lo pone al lado de una oreja del pastor alem�n y yo la vuelvo a llamar en un minuto?”
“�Pero eso bastar� para separarles?”
“�Se�ora, el mismo truco acaba de separarme a m� de mi esposa!”
A Sultan, whose loves grew
A Sultan, whose loves grew so vastly,
Just couldn’t love any steadfastly.
Someone asked him in fun,
If he’d slept twice with one.
He replied, “Just the thought is most ghastly.”
General Kitchy Kitchy
Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?
A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.
Yo mama’s glasses so thick
Yo mama’s glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
Wishes split three ways
There were three men stranded on an island. They had been there for a very long time, when one morning a magic lamp washed up on the shore. The men saw it and picked it up. The men rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared. After the genie rose up he granted the men one wish each. The first man thought about his wish and made it count. After thinking, the man finally said, “I wish I was back at home.” Then, poof, he disappeared. The second man thought about his wish also. Finally, the man said, “I wish I was at home with my family.” Then, poof, he vanished. The last wish went to the last man on the island. He looked around and felt very lonely. It took a while to think of a good wish and finally an idea came to him. The third man said, “I wish that my two best friends were back on this island with me.” Poof, the two other men appeared on the island again.
Programmer Guffaws
How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, that’s a hardware problem.
Dinosaur
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Megasorass.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Knock Knock 107
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Juno!
Juno who!
Juno what time it is!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Jupiter!
Jupiter who!
Jupiter fly in my soup!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Jussi!
Jussi who!
Jussi fruit!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Justice!
Justice who!
Justice as I thought, no one home!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Justin!
Justin who?
Justin time for tea!
Moral Question
Here is a moral question for you. This is an imaginary situation, but it may
be interesting deciding what you would do.
The situation: You are in the Midwest, and there is a huge flood in progress.
Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised, and infrastructure
destroyed. Let’s say you’re a photographer out getting still photos for a news
service, traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes. If you were
to stumble across Bill Clinton struggling to keep from being swept away in a
raging river and you had a choice of rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer
prize-winning photograph of the death of a President, what shutter speed would
you use?
One Smart Redneck!
“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
“I’m calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob’s house.
“Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Merry Christmas Buddy”
Why can’t you be like that?
Jill tells her husband, “Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.Now, why can’t you do that?””Gosh,” Jack says, “why I hardly know the girl.”