Baseball for Scotsmen

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country
and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring “Run….run!”
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and
roars with the crowd in his thick accent: “R-r-run ya bastard, r-run will ya!”
A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his
knowledge of the game, screams: “R-r-run ya bastard, r-r-run will ya!”
The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk.
The Scotsman stands up yelling: “R-r-run ya Bastard, r-r-run!” All the
surrounding fans chuckle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan,
sensing his embarrassment whispers, “He doesn’t have to run, he got four balls.”

“Walk with pr-r-ride man!”

Fire Engine

A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding a toy fire truck down the street. The truck was being pulled by a beautiful Labrador Retriever. Unfortunately, the rope was tied around the dog’s privates, and as a consequence, the truck was going very slowly.

A man walking down the street noticed how slowly the boy was being pulled and gently said to him, “You know, son, that truck would go alot faster if the rope was tied around your dog’s neck.”

The boy nodded in agreement and said, “But then there wouldn’t be a siren.”

New inventions by blondes.

The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alchohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through tiolet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
Helicopter ejector seat

The Perfect Shot

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking
down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed… driving
his partner nuts.

Finally his exasperated partner says, “What the hell is taking so long? Hit
the damned ball!”

The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want
to make this a perfect shot.”

“Give me a break! You don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of hitting her
from here.”