Author: admin

A guy walks into the Toys-R-Us toy shop in downtown Cleveland
and says to the assistant: “Could you please show me your Barbie
dolls? My daughter’s birthday is today and I have to get
something she will love!”
She says, “Certainly, sir. Here, we have:

*Fashion Barbie @ $15.95
*Vacation Barbie @ $15.95
*Housewife Barbie @ $15.95 and
*Divorcee Barbie @ $215.95!”

The guy asks in astonishment,”Why is “Divorcee Barbie so much?
She looks the same to me.”

The assistant answers, “Well, sir, Divorcee Barbie comes
complete with Ken’s car, Ken’s house, Ken’s golf clubs, his
season tickets to the Tribe and the Browns, his Gold MasterCard,
his yacht and his summer home.”

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country
and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring “Run….run!”
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and
roars with the crowd in his thick accent: “R-r-run ya bastard, r-run will ya!”
A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his
knowledge of the game, screams: “R-r-run ya bastard, r-r-run will ya!”
The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk.
The Scotsman stands up yelling: “R-r-run ya Bastard, r-r-run!” All the
surrounding fans chuckle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan,
sensing his embarrassment whispers, “He doesn’t have to run, he got four balls.”

“Walk with pr-r-ride man!”

Un jud�o, con la mejor de las intenciones, hab�a enviado a su hijo al colegio m�s caro de la colectividad jud�a: el Tarbut. Pese a sus intentos, Samuel no daba “pie con bola”.

Bolet�n del primer mes:

Matem�ticas: 2
Geograf�a: 6
Historia: 4
Literatura: 2
Conducta: 0

Esas p�simas calificaciones se repet�an mes a mes hasta que el pap� se cans�:

“Samuel, esc�chame bien lo que te voy a decir: si el pr�ximo mes tus calificaciones y tu comportamiento no mejoran, voy a tener que pasar por la verg�enza de tener que mandarte a estudiar a un colegio cat�lico”.

Al mes siguiente las notas de Samuel fueron una tragedia s�lo comparable al hundimiento del Titanic. El padre cumpli� con su palabra; a trav�s de un rabino cercano a su familia se contact� con un obispo que le recomend� un buen colegio de sacerdotes franciscanos, a donde Samuel fue enviado.

Bolet�n del primer mes:

Matem�ticas: 9
Geograf�a: 8
Historia: 9
Literatura: 10
Conducta: 10

Segundo bolet�n:

Matem�ticas: 10
Geograf�a: 9
Historia: 10
Literatura: 10
Conducta: 10

Un d�a, el padre le pregunta:

“Samuel, estoy muy satisfecho de que te vaya tan bien en la escuela. �C�mo ha sucedido este milagro?”

“Lo que pasa, es que despu�s de que me presentaron a todos los compa�eros y profesores fuimos a la iglesia. Cuando entr�, vi a un se�or crucificado, con clavos en las manos y en los pies, todo ensangrentado y con cara de haber sufrido mucho. Pregunte qui�n era �se, y me respondi� un alumno de los cursos superiores: �se era un jud�o igual que t�. Entonces me dije: En este colegio no se andan con tonter�as…”.

This quiz consists of four questions that tell you whether or not you are
qualified to be a professional.

There is no need to cheat. The questions are not that difficult. You just
need to think like a professional.
1.How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
2.How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
3.The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except
one. Which animal does not attend?
4.There is a river filled with crocodiles. How do you cross it?
SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWERS.

Answers
1.Open the refrigerator put in the giraffe and closes the door. This question
tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way.
2.Open the refrigerator remove the giraffe and put in the elephant and close
the door. This question tests your foresight.
3.The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! This tests if you are
capable of comprehensive thinking. Okay, if you did not answer the last three
questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your
qualifications to be a professional.
4.Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting!
This question tests your reasoning ability.
If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you are a true
professional. Wealth and success await you. If you answered three out of four,
you have some catching up to do but there’s hope for you. If you answered two
out of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint. If
you answered one out of four, try selling some of your organs. It’s the only way
you will ever make any money. If you answered none correctly, consider a career
that does not require any higher mental functions at all, such as law or
politics.

There was a Scotsman and was horny as hell and he saw this dog next to a lake, so he tries to screw it, but it squirms and moves. During all of this, he sees something in the water and goes to check it out, and it turns out to be a hot British blonde who is drowning. He saves her, and after she regains consciousness, she says, “Thank you for saving me. I’ll do anything for you, anything… (rubbing her butt naked chest) And I mean ANYTHING!”

The Scotsman thinks for a minute, and replies, “Ok. Can ya hold this dog still for a minute so I can screw it?”

jokes