Author: admin

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:

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Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize,
serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate,
stimulate, jiffy lube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify,
protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to,
forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate,
entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige,
fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend,
coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromatize, fuse, fizz, rationalize,
detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept,
butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, loco mote, beg, plead, borrow, steal,
climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain,
calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt,
commit, enlist, pine, cajole, Anglicize, murmur, snuggle, snooze, snuffle,
elevate, enervate, alleviate, spot weld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite, taste,
nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her
existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade,
flip, flop, fly, don’t care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle,
squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rocking’ in
the free world, wet, slacken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble,
drip, dry, knead, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle,
amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship, and then go back, and start
again.

Game show

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Jane was a first time contestant on a $65,000 quiz show. Lady Luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show’s host could ask her the big question.

Jane agreed to return the following day. She was nervous as her husband drove them home.

‘I’ve just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers were. You know I’m not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.’

‘Relax honey,’ her husband, Roger, reassured her. ‘It will all be OK.’

Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door.

‘Where are you going?’ Jane asked.

‘I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon.’

After an agonizing three hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin.

‘Honey, I managed to get tomorrow’s question and answer.’

‘What is it?’ she cried excitedly.

‘OK, the question is, “What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?”

And the answer is, “The head, the heart and the penis.”‘

The couple went to sleep with Jane now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber. At 3.30 am, however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question.

‘The head, the heart, the penis,’ Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep.

Roger asked her again in the morning as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again she replied correctly.

So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies.

The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous day’s events, faced Jane and asked the big question.

‘Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have ten seconds.’

‘Hmmm, uhm, the head? She said nervously.

‘Very good. Six seconds.’

‘Eh, uh, the heart?

‘Very good. Four seconds.’

‘I, uhh, ooooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last
night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning… ‘

‘That’s close enough,’ said the game show host, ‘Congratulations!’

Five Surgeons

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Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first said, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”

The second said, “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.”

The Third said, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.”

The fourth one said, “I like to operate on lawyers. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable.”

Fifth surgeon said, “I like Engineers…they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end…”