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Estaba una pareja caminando por el centro de la ciudad cuando de repente el esposo ve al ginec�logo de su esposa.
El ginec�logo saluda nada m�s al esposo, as� que �ste confundido le dice:
“Oiga, �qu� no se acuerda de mi esposa? Esta es mi esposa.
Y el ginec�logo le responde:
“Ah disculpe, lo que pasa es que yo no me fijo en las caras de mis pacientes…”
A father, visiting America, from Europe for the very first time, goes up and down the isles with his son at the local Giant Food Store.”Vas diss? Powdered Orange Juice?””Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh ‘orange juice.'” … A few minutes later, in a different aisle … “Und vas dis? Powdered milk?? “”Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!” … A few minutes later, in a different aisle … “Und give a look here! Baby Powder! Vat a country, vat a country!”
A friend of mine was trying to figure out the best way to break up with her boyfriend. She seemed awfully concerned that he not be angry.
“Are you afraid he’ll spread lies about you?” I asked.
“I don’t mind the lies, but if he ever tells the truth, I’ll break his neck,” she answered.
yo mama so fat when she jumped she got stuck in the sky
Una anciana va a la penitenciar�a el d�a de visita y dice:
“Vengo a la visita conyugal”.
“��Usted?! �Pero con qui�n?”, pregunta asombrado el oficial.
“No importa. Con quien sea, usted p�seme”.
How do you get a one arm dumb blonde out of a tree?
You wave at her!
A little boy goes up to his father and asks:
“Dad, what’s the difference between hypothetical and reality?”
The father replies: “Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she’d have sex with the mailman for $500,000.”
The boy goes and asks his mother: “Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?” The mother replies: “Hell yes I would!”
The little boy returns to his father: “Dad, she said ‘Hell yes I would!'” The father then says: “Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she’d have sex with her principal for $500,000.”
The boy asks his sister: “Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?” The sister replies: “Hell yes I would!”
He returns to his father: “Dad, she said ‘Hell yes I would!'” The father answers: “Okay son, here’s the deal: Hypothetically, we’re millionaires, but in reality, we’re just living with a couple of whores.”
There is a room full of pregnant women and their partners, and
the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching
the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men
how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial. And gentlemen, it wouldn’t
hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner.” The
room got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised
his hand.
“Yes?” replied the teacher.
“Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk????”
Why do they bury lawyers twenty-six feet underground?
Because deep down they’re really nice guys.
Q: How can you tell if another blonde’s been using the computer?A: There’s writing on the white-out.
There was a Scotsman and was horny as hell and he saw this dog next to a lake, so he tries to screw it, but it squirms and moves. During all of this, he sees something in the water and goes to check it out, and it turns out to be a hot British blonde who is drowning. He saves her, and after she regains consciousness, she says, “Thank you for saving me. I’ll do anything for you, anything… (rubbing her butt naked chest) And I mean ANYTHING!”
The Scotsman thinks for a minute, and replies, “Ok. Can ya hold this dog still for a minute so I can screw it?”
jokes
As Bill was approaching mid-life, physically he was a mess. Not only was he going bald, but years of office work had given him a large pot belly. The last straw came when he asked a woman co-worker out on a date, and she all but laughed at him. That does it, he decided. I’m going to start a whole new regimen. He began attending aerobics classes. He started working out with weights. He changed his diet. And he got an expensive hair transplant. In six months, he was a different man. Again, he asked his female co-worker out, and this time she accepted. There he was, all dressed up for the date, looking better than he ever had. He stood poised to ring the woman’s doorbell, when a bolt of lightning struck him and knocked him off his feet. As he lay there dying, he turned his eyes toward the heavens and said, “Why, God, why now? After all I’ve been through, how could you do this to me?” From up above, there came a voice, “Sorry. I didn’t not recoginize you.”