Author: admin

Madonna, Britney and

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Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are forced to share a private jet in order to arrive in time for the ceremony. Once up in the air, Madonna pulls out a $1000 bill and says “I’m going to throw this $1000 bill out the window and make someone down below very happy.” Not to be outdone, Britney ripped $1000 bill in half and threw it out the window, saying, “Look, I just made two people really happy.”Not even noticing Britney’s stupid move, Christina bragged, “Look, I’m going to throw 1000 $1 bills and make a lot more people a little happier.” At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can’t stand it anymore, comes out and says, “I think I’ll throw all three of you out of this plane and make 250 million people happy.”

Salary increase

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One day an employee sends a letter to his boss to increase his salary.

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,

Norman $oh

Scroll down…. If you are curious on what was the response!

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

Dear NOrman,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Yours truly,

Manager

Submitted by Sai1ram
Edited by Curtis

New Mexican

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There was a mexican that had just came to America. He did not know any english what so ever. Well the very first night he was in the USA he went to an opera. The lady was singing “me, me, me, me”. The mexican remebered that. Then he went to a restraunt and rembered the waiter asking him if he wanted some forks and knives. Then when he went home he seen the glade comercial and remembers it saying “plug it in, plug it in”. The next day a cop came to his door and told him that his neighbor had been stabbed to death. The cop asked if he knew he killed him and he said “me, me, me, me”. The cop said” well what did you kill him with?” The mexican said “forks and knives, forks and knives”. The cop took him to jail and sentenced him to the death penalty. When the mexican was sitting in the electric chair the man doing the procedure asked him if he had any last words. The mexican thought for a little bit and said “plug it in, plug it in”

Dear Alcohol

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Dear Alcohol,

I thought I’d take a minute to discuss some troubling factors with you.

First and foremost, let me tell you that I’m a huge fan of yours… your many sides and dimensions are mind-boggling (different than beer goggling, which I’ll touch upon shortly.)

Yes, my friend, you always seem to be there when needed – the perfect post work cocktail, a beer with the gang … and you’re even around in the holidays – hidden inside chocolates you warm us when we’re stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.

Yet lately, I’ve been wondering about your intentions. You see, I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, but I feel that your influence has led to unwise consequences, briefed below for your review:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity occurs at 5am.

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal and, though cooking is far from my speciality, why you suggested that I eat a kebab with chilli sauce coupled with a pot noodle and some stale crisps (washed down with chocolate nesquik and topped off with a Kit Kat) is beyond me. Eclectic eater I am, but I think you went a bit too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you’re subtly trying to tell me I need to do yoga more to increase my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down the stairs. Completely unnecessary. Similarly, it should not take me more than 30 seconds to get the key into the front door lock.

4. Pictures: This is a blessing in disguise, as it can often clarify the last point below, but the following costumes are heretofore banned from being placed on my head in public: Indian Wigs, Sombreros, Bows, Ties, Boxes, upside-down cups, inflatable balloon animals, traffic cones, bras.

5. Beer Goggles: If I think I may know him/her from somewhere, I most likely do not. PLEASE do not request that I go over and see if in fact, I do actually know that person. This is similar to the old “Hey, you’re in my class” syndrome circa 1986 at SU, and should heretofore be rendered illegal. Coupled with this is the phrase, ‘Let’s shag’. While I may be thinking this, please reinstate the brain-to-mouth block that would keep this thought from being a statement, especially in public.

Further, the subsequent hangovers have GOT to stop. Now, I know a little penance for our previous evenings’ debauchery may be in order, but the 2pm Hangover Immobility is completely unacceptable. I ask that if the proper steps are proactively taken on my part (i.e. water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to bed/passing out facedown on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be quite minimal and no way interfere with my daily Saturday or Sunday (or any day, for that matter) activities. Come on now … it’s only fair – you do your part, I’ll do mine.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our relationship for some years now, and want to ensure that we remain on good terms. You’ve been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when we just don’t know what to do with the extra money in our pockets. In order to continue this relationship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Friday at 6 pm (pre happy hour) on your possible solutions and hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you for your prompt attention to these matters.

Sincerely, your biggest fan.