Pick good people; talent never wears out.
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Who is General failure and
Who is General failure and why is he reading my disk ? The light went out, but where to ? Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds fee” on money they already know you don’t have? Why is it you have a “pair” of pants and only one bra? How come when I call Information they can’t tell me where my keys are?
“You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It’s plucking your eyebr
Geri Jewell
Salary increase
One day an employee sends a letter to his boss to increase his salary.
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Norman $oh
Scroll down…. If you are curious on what was the response!
The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:
Dear NOrman,
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager
Submitted by Sai1ram
Edited by Curtis
ABC convo.
this is an AB conversation C ur way out before D jumps over E
and F’s u up!!!!!! hahahahah
The Top 9 Signs Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site
9. IOC members seem unconcerned over scheduling conflicts due to the yachting, diving and swimming events all being held in the 34th Street YMCA pool.
8. All 75 of the new hires in the mayor’s office are named Ingrid or Sven.
7. After Philadelphia lands the Summer Games, Juan Antonio Samaranch sports a hood ornament that looks strangely like the Liberty Bell.
6. Only someone bribed with hookers and college tuition wouldn’t think the term “New York City Hospitality Committee” is an oxymoron.
5. Karl Malone is now playing forward for the Utah Samaranches.
4. T-shirt for sale in the hotel lobby: “My dad went to Salt Lake City, and all I got was this T-shirt and college tuition.”
3. “Miss Salt Lake” for 1999 requires a translator to deliver her coronation speech.
2. New Olympic mascots: Vinny and Knuckles.
1. The IOC suddenly decides to change the official cycling uniforms to white shirts and ties.
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]Play you
A violinist says to his wife, “Oh, baby, I can play you just like my violin.”
His wife replies, “I’d rather have you play me like a harmonica!”
Redneck quickies 15
You might be a redneck if…
You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to “Georgia on My Mind”.
You call your boss “Buddy”, on a regular basis.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. (Is that a bad mental image or what?)
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you’ll wear to the 4-H Fair.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
Someone in your family says “Cum’n heer an’ lookit this afore I flush it.”
Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
En la calle, un oficial
En la calle, un oficial de tr�nsito sigue a un tipo que va manejando estupendamente su auto. Cuando lo alcanza, en una luz roja, ve que son tres sujetos y le se�ala al chofer:
“�Caramba, amigo, maneja usted muy bien! En la comandancia ofrecen un premio en efectivo a la persona que mejor maneje en esta ciudad y usted es el ganador. �Qu� va hacer con su dinero?”
“Pues voy a sacar mi licencia de manejo”.
“No le haga caso, oficial, es que est� borracho”, asegura el copiloto.
“�Ya ven, yo les dije que no era buena idea robarnos este auto!”, reclama el de atr�s.
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: How can you tell if another blonde’s been using the computer?A: There’s writing on the white-out.
Fire Engine
A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding a toy fire truck down the street. The truck was being pulled by a beautiful Labrador Retriever. Unfortunately, the rope was tied around the dog’s privates, and as a consequence, the truck was going very slowly.
A man walking down the street noticed how slowly the boy was being pulled and gently said to him, “You know, son, that truck would go alot faster if the rope was tied around your dog’s neck.”
The boy nodded in agreement and said, “But then there wouldn’t be a siren.”
Lightning just struck
As Bill was approaching mid-life, physically he was a mess. Not only was he going bald, but years of office work had given him a large pot belly. The last straw came when he asked a woman co-worker out on a date, and she all but laughed at him. That does it, he decided. I’m going to start a whole new regimen. He began attending aerobics classes. He started working out with weights. He changed his diet. And he got an expensive hair transplant. In six months, he was a different man. Again, he asked his female co-worker out, and this time she accepted. There he was, all dressed up for the date, looking better than he ever had. He stood poised to ring the woman’s doorbell, when a bolt of lightning struck him and knocked him off his feet. As he lay there dying, he turned his eyes toward the heavens and said, “Why, God, why now? After all I’ve been through, how could you do this to me?” From up above, there came a voice, “Sorry. I didn’t not recoginize you.”