Category: blondes

Q. A blonde and a brunette both jump off a tall building. Who lands first?

A. The brunette, because the blonde has to stop and ask for directions.

Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money? She sold her car for it.

A blonde is over at this Coke Machine putting fifty cents in, taking the coke, putting it in her pockets, throwing the quarters in, taking the coke, putting it in her pockets, throwing the quarters in, taking the Coke, putting it in her pockets. After a while she has a Coke in every pocket. She keeps going, stacking the Cokes around her on the floor. Finally, the guy
behind her, getting mad, asks her, “What Are You Doing?! She responds, “Duh, I’m winning.”

A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition.

The brunette came in first, the redhead second.

The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.

After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked; “I don’t want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms.”

A young man wanted to get his beautiful “blonde” wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cellphone.

She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping.

Her phone rings and it’s her husband, “Hi hun,”he says “how do you like your new phone?”, she replies: “I just love, it’s so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there’s one thing I don’t understand though.”

“What’s that, baby?” asks the husband.

“How did you know I was at Wal Mart?”

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day,and repeat this
procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five
pounds.”

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead
that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?”
“No, from skipping.”

A young blonde female stock broker was bored with driving her
BMW. It lacked individuality and besides that, every other girl
in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more
individual, perhaps an MG convertible.

That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful
Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she
fell in love with it’s gorgeous red paintwork. An empty check
stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes
enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing
in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly
go wrong?

At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car
slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the hood and
concluded after a few minutes that she didn’t have a bloody clue
what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a
quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright
shiny yellow van pull up behind her.

“That’s a lovely car,” said the mechanic. “What seems to be the
matter?”

“Well, it just conked out I’m afraid.”

“Let me have look.” He set to work and ten minutes later the
engine was purring like a cat again.

“Thank goodness,” she said. “What was the matter?”

“Simple really, just crap in the carburetor,” he replied.

Looking shocked she asked, “Oh, okay. How many times a week do I
have to do that?”

Q. what’s the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?A. if you slap them, at least the mosquito will stop sucking.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks “Where did you get that?”A: The pig says, “I won her in a raffle!”

The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family. “We’ve been trying for months now, Doctor, and I don’t seem to be able to get pregnant,” she confessed miserably.

“I’m sure we’ll solve your problem,” the doctor reassured her. “If you’ll just take off your underpants and get up on the examining table…”

“Well, all right, Doctor,” agreed the young woman, blushing, “but I’d rather have my husband’s baby.”

Guy stands in elevator, door opens and a blonde lady gets on.”T.G.I.F.” she says to the man.”S.H.I.T.” he says right back.”Look, I am not tying to be ugly, I just wanted to say ‘Thank God its Friday’ she says. He looks at her and says” I am not trying to be rude either but ‘ Sorry, hon, it’s Thursday!”

One day three blondes were in a car and they were going to Paultons Park.They were following the signs which all said Paultons forward. But then they saw a sign and it said PAULTONS LEFT so they turned round and went home.