Category: blondes

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw “911” on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

This blonde calls this rural fire dept. all excited she says come quick my barns on fire, my barn’s on fire.
The dispatcher says calm down now just tell us how to get there.

She says ” oh, Don’t you have that big red truck anymore?”

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?

A: From crawling across the street when the sign said “DON’T WALK”.

One day a blonde woman was so fed up with all of the dumb blonde
jokes that she decided to kill herself. She took a rope outside
and found a suitable tree. She threw the rope over a branch and
proceeded to hang herself.

Soon two men came along and asked, “what are you doing?”. She
replied, “I’m hanging myself.” The two men looked at her and
said, “well usually if your trying to kill yourself you put the
rope around your neck.” Then the Blonde said, “Duh, I tried that
but I couldn’t breathe.”

How Can You Tell When A Blonde Stuffs Her Bra?…..She Forgets To Take Out The Kleenex Box!

Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

Q: Why aren’t there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don’t get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don’t leave trails, like snails.

Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde’s vagina?
A: The Blonde!

Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.

Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the 11 in 9-1-1.

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she’d ever been picked up by ‘the fuzz’?
A: ‘No. But I’ve been swung around by the tits.’

Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

Two gorgeous blonde biologists were in the field one fine summer day. While
following a game trail, they came across a pair of tracks. “Look! a pair of
tracks” The first blonde said while pointing to the ground.
“Those are deer tracks,” the other blonde replied.

“Oh no,”she said to the first, “Those are definitely moose tracks.”
With this, they began to argue. In fact, they were still arguing when the
train hit them.

If your a blond scroll down for a very funny joke.

Scroll up for a very funny joke if your are a blond.

there was a blonde, a brunete,and a red head. they all walked into a bar for a drink.the bar tender said,”i have a magical mirror any thing you think you are.you tell the mirror and if its true you will become it even more of what you wished for.but if not the mirror will suck you up.” so the brunet goes in and said ”i think im the prettyest girl in the world.”with that the mirror said ”you are.” so she became prettyer than everyone in the world.then the red head went in and said ”i think im the richest girl in the world.” the mirror said” you look very rich you now are the richest girl in the world.”the blonde went in and said ”i think”and with that the mirror gobbeld her up.the two girls left said ”why did the mirror swollow her up?”the man said” because she said that she thought and thats a lie.”

ARTERY–The study of fine paintings. BARIUM–What you do when CPR fails. BENIGN–What yoiu are after you be
8. CAESAREAN SECTION–A district in Rome. COLIC–A sheep dog. COMA–A punctuation mark. CONGENITAL–Friendly. DILATE–To live longer. FESTER–Quicker. G.I. SERIES–Baseball game between teams of soldiers. GRIPPE–A suitcase. HANGNAIL–A coat hook. MEDICAL STAFF–A Doctor’s cane. MINOR OPERATION–Coal digging. MORBID–A higher offer. NODE–Was aware of. ORGANIC–Church musician. OUTPATIENT–A person who has fainted. POST-OPERATIVE–A letter carrier. PROTEIN–In favor of young people. SECRETION–Hiding anything. SEROLOGY–Study of English knighthood. TABLET–A small table. TUMOR–An extra pair. URINE–Opposite of you’re out. VARICOSE VEINS–Veins which are very close together.

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city.

Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.

He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room.

“You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”

The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Glaci

Q. What did the blonde say when she knocked over a priceless Ming vase?
A. “its okay Daddy, I’m not hurt.”