Category: blondes

So there were two smart gals and a blonde. two guys came to kidnap them.the 2 kidnappers tied one of the smart ones to the pole. He takes out a gun and points it at her. he said ready aim and the girl said tornado the two kidnappers looked behind them and she got away them and there was nothing there. the other smart one did the same. when the put the blonde to the pole they say ready aim then the blonde screamed fire and they shot her.

“Excuse me, could you tell me the time?” asked the blonde of a man on the street corner.
“Sure….it’s three fifteen,”he replied with a smile.
“Thanks,” she said, a puzzled look crossing her face.”You know, it’s the weirdest thing-I’ve been asking that question all day long, and each time I get a different answer.”

Two blondes were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks in the dirt, the first blonde says, “Look at those bear tracks”. The second blonde says,”Those aren’t bear tracks, those are deer tracks”.The first blonde says “No they’re not, there bear tracks”. The second blonde argues back.”No they’re not, they’re deer tracks.”Then, they both got hit by the train.

A middle-aged blonde goes to the doctor and says “Doc I have this really bad itch can you tell me whats wrong?”

He examines her and says, “You have crabs.”

She says, “Thats impossible! I have never had sex before,” and storms out of the doctor’s office.

She goes to another doctor and he says the same thing, and again she insists that it is impossible because she had never had sex.

Finally, she goes to a third doctor and says, “Look Doc… I have seen two other doctors about this itch and they keep telling me I have crabs, but that is impossible.”

He examines her and he says, “Ohhhh. Now I see the problem. It’s not crabs. Your cherry is rotten and you have fruit flies.”

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a guy?

A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

I suppose you know about the blonde who spent an hour in her attic
inspecting the joists?

She heard on the radio that there was a problem with Cuban rafters…

Person: Are you a democrat or a republican?

Blonde: Oh, I’m an American.

I don’t know, there are some things even a blonde won’t do.

Why are blondes like cornflakes?

Because they’re simple, easy and they taste good.

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, “Press bell for night watchman.”

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.

The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

“Well,” he snarled at the blonde, “what do you want?”

“I just want to know why you can’t ring the bell for yourself?”

Submitted by Curtis
Edsited by Glaci

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.”

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.'”

The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable?'”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde.”

“She’ll read it very slowly.”

Submitterd by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

The blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some
bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to
the woman that they don’t sell bottom deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been
buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would
like some more.

“I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”

“But I always get it here,” says the blonde.

“Do you have the container it comes in?”

“Yes!” said the blonde, “I will go and get it.”

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist
who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of
underarm deodorant.”

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out
loud from the container, “To apply, push up bottom.”