yo mama is so dumb she got hit by a speeding parked car
going 0mph
Author: admin
Twenty Fun Things to do at a Fast Food Drive Thru
1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order,
using colorful expletives in ways which would
embarrass the patrons inside.
2. Drive through backwards.
3. Belch your order.
4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with
transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers
are unable to hear each other and, thus,
each raises his/her volume.
5. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.
6. Walk through.
7. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to).
When the manager comes to the mic,
speak English and inquire as to why
the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.
8. Repeat everything the order-taker says.
9. Attempt to take the order-takers order
(“Hi, may I take your order?”) before they get
a chance to take yours.
10. Order confusing items, i.e.,
“Hi, I’ll have a large orange Coke and
a small medium fries, please”.
11. In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order,
then slip out of line and watch the fun as
the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.
12. When you arrive at the window to pick up your food,
hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they’ll
dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.
13. Drive through with a carload of naked people.
14. Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker
will think there is a problem with the speaker
and ask you to order at the window.
When you arrive at the window,
speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.
15. Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.
16. Bring along a Mr. Microphone.
When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at
their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone
speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their
own voice.
17. One word: Flatulence!
18. Have a friend hide in the trunk.
When you approach the window to pickup your order,
have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.
19. If you are a male,
have a female friend place the order by speaking
VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker.
When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept
your order. See how many of the order-takers fellow
employees have been called over to the window to
“check out the babe”.
20. Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.
Last Buffalo
An Indian brave returns from a scouting trip and seeks out the Chief.”Chief, I have bad news, worse news and good news.”The Chief asks for the bad news first.Scout says, “No more buffalo on reservation, we kill last one today.”Chief asks for the worse news.Brave says, “Our land is being overrun by white men. They are coming by thethousands.”Finally the chief asks for the good news.The brave says, “Chief, the white men taste just like buffalo.”
Will this operation hurt me at all?
Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.
Yo Mama the Gourmet
Your mama cooks so bad, your family prays after they eat!
Penguins in their spare time
What do you call black and white and black and white and black
and white and black and white and back?
a penguin rolling down a hill.
what do you call something black and white and laughing?
The penguin standing at hte top of htis hill laughing at the
penguin rollign down.
The Airplane
On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming,she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails. Then she yells, “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! No one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??”
For a moment there is silence. everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. He’s gorgeous! Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
“Iron this.”
Monica Who?
Mrs. Clinton: Knock-Knock.
Bill Clinton: Who’s there?
Mrs. Clinton: Monica.
Bill Clinton: Monica who?
Mrs. Clinton: Great Bill, now just use that in trial!
Dennis Miller’s Advice to Women
I know the myth is that men want Traci Lords in the bedroom, Julia Child in the kitchen, Hazel around the house, Lesley Visser during a game, Mary Poppins for the children, Cha Cha Muldowney in traffic, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Chick when we’re sick, Mary Richards at work, Mother Theresa when we come home with leprosy, Gertrude Stein in conversation, the body of Sophia Loren in ‘Boy on a Dolphin’ combined with the voice of Sade, and to top it all off, the IQ of Anna Nicole Smith, because of course we don’t want to feel too threatened. So if that’s the myth of what we want, what’s the reality? Well, first put that Cosmo article down right now and back slowly away from the magazine. Now go to the window and take a deep breath. You must clear your head of bullshit articles like “How to Trick Your Man into Cooking Tex-Mex”. Trick me? How about asking me? And then I’ll be able to tell you I don’t have a fucking clue what Tex-Mex is, okay?! All right, I’m not supposed to do this. I’m not supposed to reveal the master list to all you non-tripods, but what the hell; here goes: Here’s what men want from women.
One through Ten:
ONE- We want you to understand that we don’t give a shit about clothes, all right? Yours OR ours. All we need is one pair of tennies and one pair of church shoes. That’s it.
TWO- Don’t talk to us while the television is on, all right? Very simple: Television is off, we talk. Television is on, we don’t talk.
THREE- When you’re behind the wheel of a car, if you want to get aggressive, that’s fine, but don’t give somebody the finger and expect me to defend your honor when Steroid Lad comes over swinging a pair of nunchucks, all right?
FOUR- Would it kill you to watch ‘The Godfather’ with me for the fifty-seventh time?
FIVE- Hey I’m sorry, but some of us see a beautiful sunset and think, “You know, I betcha my accountant is boning me up the ass.”
SIX- You go see Nell by yourself, all right? I met enough chicks like that at “The Drink” when I was single.
SEVEN- Have a sense of humor. Without a sense of humor, a relationship lasts about as long David Duke at a Black Panther meeting.
EIGHT- Work out your job-related anger before we have sex. Just because Helmut, the office boy, brought you the cup of lima bean consomme instead of the bowl of lima bean consomme from Soup Plantation, I don’t want to end up in the friction burn groin ward at Cedars-Sinai, all right?
NINE- Don’t ask us to cry. As much as you say you want us to cry, you don’t really want us to cry. You hate it when we cry. I’ve tried crying in front of my wife. She enjoyed it for about thirty seconds and then started thinking, “Why in the fuck did I marry this hamster?”
TEN- be patient. Hold us. Love us unconditionally. Help us out of this testosterone-induced fog we dwell in and lead us into the light. Or if that’s asking too much, how’s about a big sloppy blowjob once in a while?
Meet me for lunch!
The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked:
“Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”
After a confused silence, little Johnny volunteered –
“I guess you’d be eating alone!”
A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill…
A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled — leaving
the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer?
Fifteen dollars.
Why did the blonde w
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn’t get Hearing Aides.