A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled — leaving
the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer?
Fifteen dollars.
Author: admin
The Airplane
On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming,she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails. Then she yells, “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! No one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??”
For a moment there is silence. everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. He’s gorgeous! Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
“Iron this.”
When the product is destined
When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly.
Old Lady With Gas
This old lady went to a doctor’s office and told him that she has bad gas, but
you can’t smell it or hear it. So the doctor gives her two pills and tells her
take them and come back tomorrow. She came back and said that you can’t hear the
gas but now you can smell it. Then the doctor says, “Good now we can work on
your hearing.”
Penguins in their spare time
What do you call black and white and black and white and black
and white and black and white and back?
a penguin rolling down a hill.
what do you call something black and white and laughing?
The penguin standing at hte top of htis hill laughing at the
penguin rollign down.
New Minister
There was a young man who had just complete his schooling to
become a minister. He had went back to his home town and went to
his pastor and ask if he could deliver the message that Sunday.
The minister agreed.
Sunday morning the young man went to his pastor and said he was
too nervous to preach. The priest took him in the kitchen and
pored him some clear whiskey. The man took a drink and refilled
his glass. The priest told him to take it out and set it on the
pulpet. It would calm his nerves and it was clear so the
congregation would think it was water.
The young man did exactly what the priest said. After the
service and everyone had left the young minister asked the
priest how he did. The priest said fine but we must get three
things straight. Mother Mary is not Big Mama. The Holy Ghost
isn’t the Spook from Hell And they crucified Jesus they didn’t
just nail his ass to a tree.
Yo Mamma
Yo mammas so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch
Jack Schitt
Many people are at a loss for a response when someone gives them that quaint American phrase,
‘You don’t know Jack Schitt.’
This is how to handle the situation.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and 0. Schitt.
The fertilizer magnate married 0. Schitt, the owner of Knee-Deep Schitt Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced six children, Holie Schitt, The twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout.
Noe later married Mr Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now, when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt!’ You can correct them.
Horny Young Man
A horny young man went to a brothel…The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available.
Madam, “On the first floor, we have the ex-models… they are all slinky and sexy… On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses…they are all buxom and beautiful… On the third floor, we have our ex-teachers….they…”
Man, “Say no more! Lead me to the third floor.”
Madam, “Are you sure… I’m surprised that you would prefer ex-teachers to ex-models and ex-actresses.”
Man, “It’s obvious, ma’am, teachers always make you do a thing over and over again, until you’re perfect at it.”
Un granjero decide renovar la
Un granjero decide renovar la sangre de su gallinero y compra un gallo m�s joven. Cuando el gallo viejo ve que el joven se pasea por el gallinero, comienza a preocuparse.
Entonces se acerca al gallo joven y le dice: “De manera que t� eres nuevo por aqu�. �Crees que eres el m�s fuerte de la zona? Yo todav�a no estoy listo para el cuchillo y para demostrarte que todav�a soy m�s gallo que t�, te reto a una carrera alrededor del gallinero. Daremos 10 vueltas, y el que gane tendr� a todas las gallinas s�lo para �l.
El gallo joven acepta fanfarroneando: “Est� bien, y para que veas que soy mucho m�s fuerte que t�, te doy media vuelta de ventaja y a�n as� te ganar� f�cilmente”.
La carrera se inicia y las gallinas se colocan alrededor del gallinero para alentar a los gallos. Luego de la primera vuelta, el gallo viejo comienza a perder su ventaja. Al finalizar la quinta vuelta, el gallo viejo apenas est� enfrente del joven.
En ese momento el granjero oye el alboroto y sale de la casa con su escopeta creyendo que un zorro se ha metido al gallinero. Al acercarse, ve a los dos gallos corriendo alrededor del gallinero y ve al gallo joven persiguiendo al viejo.
Entonces, carga su escopeta, apunta… y de un disparo mata al gallo joven. Mientras se devuelve lentamente camino a la casa se dice a s� mismo:
“Qu� vaina m�s rara, �es el tercer gallo maric�n que compro este mes!”
Date with shaggy and brittney spears
one night shaggy and brittnay spears go out on a date at the restaruant some one farts really loud shaggy goes “wasn`t me” britnay spears goes “oops i i did it again”,then the next night they go out again then they hear a huge loud disguting fart shaggy goes “wasn`t me” , britnay spears goes “stonger than yesterday”
What do you call Bush voters who aren’t millionair
What do you call Bush voters who aren’t millionaires?
Suckers.