What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Rotwieler.
Author: admin
Quick Thinking!
A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets the word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, “This is a tree.” The chief looks at the tree and grunts, “Tree.” The missionary is pleased with the response.
They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, “This is a rock.” Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, “Rock.” The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly says, “Riding a bike.”
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, “My bike!”
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.95. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, it’s spreading.”
Mouse ran up her leg
q. What happened to the mouse when it crawled up the lady’s leg?
a. Her pussy got it.
Poetry To Get Sex
Two friends, a white guy and a black guy, both work together.
The white guy came in late one morning and his black friend asks where he had been.
The white guy says, “My wife gives me good sex every night and she kept me up really late last night.”
The black guy says “I can’t get my wife to have sex with me, no matter what! How do you do it?”
The white guy says, “I read her poetry every night.”
His black friend then asks, “What kind of poetry?”
The white guy replies, “Blondie, blondie, eyes so blue, how I want to make love to you.”
Then the white guy tells his friend to go home and try it – it’s a sure thing!
The next morning the black guy was about 2 hours late. When he comes in, he has a black eye and his arm is in a sling.
The white man asks, “What happened?!”
The black man says, “Man, don’t ever speak to me again!”
The curious white man asks, “Well, what did you say to her?”
The black man replies, ‘Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog, bend over bitch, and take it like a dog!!”
The severity of the itch
The severity of the itch is proportional to inability to the reach it.Two wrongs are only the beginning.The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.A fool and his money are soon partying.
To get to the Shell station!
Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the Shell station!
Kids Perspective
One summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said, “I have to sleep with Daddy.”
A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, “The big sissy.”
Sex Life in Years…
Seems that when the Lord was creating the world, He called man over and bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex life. Man was absolutely horrified…”Only twenty years of normal sex life?” Yet, the Lord was adamant and insisted that Man could have no more than twenty years of normal sex life.Then, the Lord called the monkey and gave him twenty years.”But, I don’t need twenty years, “protested the monkey.”Ten years is plenty for me.”Man spoke up eagerly, “Can I have the other ten years?” The monkey graciously agreed.Then, the Lord called the lion and gave him twenty years. The lion, like the monkey, only wanted ten years.Again, man spoke up, “can I have the other ten years?” The lion graciously agreed.Then, along came a donkey and he too was given twenty years. But, like the others, ten years was more than sufficient. Once again, man pleaded, “can I have the other ten years?”And so, it all makes perfect sense now… Man has twenty years of normal sex life, ten years of monkeying around, ten years of lion about it and ten years of making an ass of himself.
What’s grosser than gross?…
What’s grosser than gross?
When you dream about eating pudding, and you wake up with a spoon in your ass.
Statistical one-liner
Q: Did you hear about the statistician who invented a device to measure the weight of trees?A: It’s referred to as the log scale.
Mommy Dearest!
As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, “Mom, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, “Mommy is gonna eat your fingers!” pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face and tears down her face.
I said, “What’s wrong honey?”
Sad and broken up she looked at me and said –
“Mommy, where’s my booger?