What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Author: admin
Generous Donation
An Internal Revenue inspector walks into a synagogue and asks to see the rabbi. He is shown to the rabbi’s office and is offered a seat.”Rabbi, A member of your synagogue, Mr. Klutzberg, states on his tax return that he has donated $100,000 to the synagogue. Tell me, Rabbi, is this correct?””Yes,” The Rabbi replies “As soon as I see him it will be.”
Two Nuns
Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Some favorite Redundancies
* added bonus
* exactly right
* closed fist
* future potential
* inner core
* money-back refund
* seeing the sights
* true fact
* revert back
* safe haven
* prior history
* young children
* time period
* sum total
* end result
* temper tantrum
* ferryboat
* free gift
* bare naked
* combined total
* unique individual
* potential hazard
* joint cooperation
* total abstinence
* subject matter
* honest truth
* join together
* general public
* harbinger of things to come
* new initiative
* audible gasp
* advance warning
* execution-style killing
* future plans
* gather together
* lag behind
* manual dexterity
* occasional irregularity
* outer rim
* plan ahead
* basic fundamentals
* first time ever
* personal friend
* shrug one’s shoulders
* bond together
* close proximity
* ATM machine (it stands for automatic teller MACHINE)
* PIN number (it stands for personal identification NUMBER)
* coequal
* common bond
* small minority
* serious crisis
* personal belongings
* security guard
* time clock
* foreign imports
* exact same
* continue on
* focus on
* convicted felon
* past experience
* consensus of opinion
* finished product
* schoolteacher
What’s a Blonde do after…
Q: What does a blonde do after waking up?
A1: Go Home.
A2: Introduce herself to the guy on the bed.
6 reasons for NOT being a penis
6. You live surrounded by nuts5. You have a head with no brains4. You have one eye that can’t see3. Your best friend is a pussy2. An asshole lives behind you1. They make you do pushups until you throw-up
It was too tight
Why did the blonde take his new scarf back to the store?
It was too tight.
Open 24 hours
A woman walks into a 24 hour convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, “Do you have any small notebooks?””Sorry,” says the manager. “We’re all out.”The woman shrugs, and asks, “Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?””Nope, don’t have that either,” says the manager.The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, “Do you have Doritos? Nachos?”The manager shrugs, “Sorry.””Hmmph. How about Chapstick?” says the woman.”Nope. Don’t have that.””My God!” the woman shouts, “If you don’t have anything, you should close the stinking store!”The manager shrugs, “Don’t have the key.”
Iraqi Ladies
A black man enters a bar with his gorilla. He says to the bartender, “I would like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here.”
The bartender looks at him like he’s nuts and says, ” I�m sorry but I don’t serve Gorillas in this bar.”
The man has an idea. He takes his girlfriend home and shaves her head, gives her a wig, dress, and makeup.
Then he returns to the same bar. He places the same order and this time the bar tender gives it to them.
They go and sit in a corner while the bartender turns to his friend and says, “Damn! Did you ever notice how all the good looking Iraqi ladies that come in here, always seem to be with black men.
Actual Q’s and A’s on Family Fued
Q: Something in the garden thats green?
A: A shed.
Q: Something that flies that doesnt have an engine?
A: A bicycle with wings.
Q: Something you could be allergic to?
A: Skiing.
Q: Name a famous brige?
A: The bridge over troubled water.
Q: Something a cat does?
A: Goes to the bathroom.
Q: Something you can do in the bathroom?
A: Decorate.
Q: Name an animal you might see at the zoo?
A: A dog.
Q: Something associated with cops?
A: Pigs.
Q: A sign of the zodiac?
A: April.
Q: Something slippery?
A: A con man.
Q: A kind of ache?
A: Fillet ‘O’ fish.
Q: A food that could be brown or white?
A: Potato.
Q: A potato topping?
A: Jam.
Q: Something with a hole in it?
A: A window.
Q: Non-living creature with legs?
A: Plant.
Q: A domestic animal?
A: Leopard.
Q: Part of the body that starts with “N”?
A: Knee.
Q: A way of cooking fish?
A: Cod.
Q: Something you open other than the door?
A: Your bowels.
Q: Name something a blind person might use?
A: A sword.
Q: Name a song with moon in the title?
A: Blue suade moon.
Q: Name a bird with a long neck?
A: Naomi Campell.
Q: Name a occupation that you might need a torch?
A: A burgler.
Q: Name a famous brother and sister?
A: Bonnie and clyde.
Q: Name a dangerous race?
A: The arabs.
Q: Name a item or clothing worn by the tree musketeers?
A: Horse.
Q: Name something that floats in the bath?
A: Water.
Q: Name something you wear at the beach?
A: A deck chair.
Q: Name something thats red?
A: A cardigan.
Q: Name a famous cowboy?
A: Buck rogers.
Q: Something you do before going to bed?
A: Sleep.
Q: Something you put on the walls?
A: Roofs.
and the best ever screw up on family fued is………
Q: Name a number you have to memorize?
A: 7.
Who let these people on the show??
fence
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?To see what was on the other side.
What’s a Jewish American Princess’s
What’s a Jewish American Princess’s idea of natural childbirth?
Absolutely no makeup.