A teacher asks her class ‘What is an tragedy?’ A boy says ‘Is it when my mum
runs me over?’ The teacher says ‘No, thats an accident.’ The boy says ‘is it
when a bus full of people goes over the cliff?’ The teacher says ‘No, thats a
great loss’. So the boy says ‘Well, it must be George Bush being killed by Bin
laden.’ The teacher says ‘Well done! How did you work that out?’ The boy says
‘Well its not an accident and its not a great loss!’
Author: admin
Blonde one liners
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a ‘scratch and sniff’ sticker at the bottom of the pool.
Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
How do you get a twinkle in a blonde’s eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Why don’t blondes like making Raro juice from sachets?
Because they can’t fit eight cups of water in the packet.
Did you bear about the two blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre?
They went to see ‘Closed for Winter’.
Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
‘Look! They spelled Macy’s wrong.’
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Why do blondes have ‘TGIF’ written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she’s got a grenade in her mouth.
How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
There is white-out all over the monitor.
Why shouldn’t blondes have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said ‘Disneyland Left’ so they turned around and went home.
Blonds day shoping
a blonde goes to a store and askes if she can bue a tv the owner says he dosnt sell to dumb blondes so she goes home and spray paints her hair red and asks if she can buy the tv and the owner says sorry i dont sell to dumb blondes so she goes to a butiy parler and dies her hair brown and gets a makeover to look totaly diffrent. she goes back to the store and says can i buy this tv and he says i dont sell to dumb blondes and she says how did u know it was me and the owner says thats not a tv its a toster
Your momma
Yo momma so stupid she went to bed with a ruler to see how long she slept!
Photo From Nudist
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives is a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top half.
Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but them remembers how bad his grandmother’s eyesight is, and hopes she won’t notice.
A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says … “Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style, it makes your nose look too short!”
Poker Mates
Leaving the poker party late, as usual, two friends compared notes. “I can never fool my wife.” the first complained. “I turn off the car’s engine and coast into the garage, take off my shoes, sneak upstairs, and undress in the bathroom. But she always wakes up and yells at me for being out so late and leaving her alone.””You got the wrong technique my friend.” his buddy replied. “I roar into the garage, slam the door, stomp up the steps, rub my hand on her ass and say ‘How about a little ?’ She always pretends to be asleep!!!”
Yes, no, maybe
An official Gallup survey polled over 1000 women with the question: Would you sleep with Bill Clinton?
1% said, “No”
2% said, “Yes”
97% said, “Never Again”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
Escopeta de carquiz, tiras
Escopeta de carquiz,
tiras pero no matas,
porque apuntas a las patas
y pegas en la nar�z.
�Qu� es?
El pedo.
Q: How many (Generals/Politicians)
Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?A: None, they can all see by the light at the end of the tunnel.
25 Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served at Work
1. It’s an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what
management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you
don’t care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to
work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are
wasted.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
15. Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn’t so embarrassing.
16. Employees work later since there’s no longer a need to relax
at the bar.
17. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
18. Everyone agrees the work is better after they’ve had a
couple of drinks.
19. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their
lunch break.
20. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.
21. It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.
22. The janitor’s closet will finally have a use.
23. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
24. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as
“gross,”
25. Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.
A Drink?
Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders.
The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.
The minister replied in disgust, “Ma’am, I’d rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore, than let liquor touch these lips!”
The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know there was a choice.”
Your mama so fat..
your mamas so fat she stepped on a scale and it said YOU KNOW YOU DIDNT LOSE WEIGHT!!!!