Author: admin

Retired Old Man

Posted on by admin

An old man gets sent to a retirement home by his son. The next
day he wakes up with a boner and the most beautiful nurse walks
in and gives him a blow-job, Doesn’t say a word just blows him.
The old man calls his son and starts thanking him “Thank you son
this is the best; thank you so much” the son says “that’s great
dad what happened” the old man replies “well I woke up with a
boner this morning and the most beautiful nurse came in and blew
me, Didn’t say a word just blew me” “wow! sounds great dad have
fun” replies the son.

Later that day the old mans walking down the hall when he falls
and can’t get up. Then some big hillbilly comes up fucks him in
the ass and leaves him laying on the floor. The old man finally
manages to get to his room and call his son “son you gotta get
me out of this place, it’s horrible” “Wooo! dad what’s so wrong
you got a blow-job this morning it can’t be to bad”. “well I was
walking down the hall today” replies the old man “when a big
hillbilly comes up to me laying on the floor and fucks me up the
ass and just leaves me laying on the floor”.

“Well it can’t be to bad dad you got a blow-job this morning!”
says the son. The old man replies “you don’t understand I wake
up with a boner once a month I fall three-four times a day!”

Winding his clock

Posted on by admin

There was once this cowboy, riding through the wild west. One day, off in the distance, he sees a small cloud of dust. So he rides his horse up to it, and finds its an Indian laying on the ground with his chop sticking out of his pants!

The cowboy gets off his horse and asks, “What are you doing?”, to which the Indian replies, “Me tell time! Penis acts as sundial.”

The cowboy in disbelief says, “Ok, what time is it?” The Indian looks down at his “3:35…”

“That’s amazing, your right!” the cowboy says in amazement. So he hops onto his horse and keeps going.

Riding along further, he sees the same thing, gets off his horse, and thinking the last Indian was a fluke, asks this one the time.

The Indian looks down at his “one eyed bandit” and says “4:40”.

The cowboy is stunned, the time was right again! Shaking his head he hops back onto his horse and rides again.

After riding a while again, he sees yet another Indian on the ground with his “bald headed champ” except he was jerking off.

The cowboy hops off his horse and says, “And what are you doing?” to which the Indian replies, “Me winding clock.”

Take me to your leader

Posted on by admin

A purple alien and a green alien landed on Earth and the first
thing they came to was a gas pump. The purple alien walked up to
it and said, “Take me to your leader”. The green alien said,
“He’s not gonna listen to you, he’s a mean motherfucker.” The
purple alien said, “Yes he will, take me to their leader.” The
green alien said, “I told you he won’t listen, he’s a mean
motherfucker.” The purple alien tried one more time, “TAKE ME TO
YOUR LEADER!” When the gas pump didn’t listen the purple alien
asked the green alien, “How did you know he wouldn’t listen?”
The green alien said “Anyone who can take it out, wrap it around
their neck and stick it in their ear has got to be a mean
motherfucker.”

Girl Carpenter

Posted on by admin

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One
day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on
the empty lot.

The young family’s 6 year old daughter naturally took an
interest in all the activity going on next door and started
talking with the workers.

She hung around and eventually the construction crew – gems in
the rough all of them – more or less adopted her as a kind of
project
mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had
coffee and lunch breaks,and gave her little jobs to do here and
there to make her
feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a
pay envelope containing a dollar.

The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the
appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the
dollar pay she had
received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed
with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her
very own pay
check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, “I’ve been working with a
crew building a house all week”.

“My goodness gracious”, said the teller, “and will you be
working on the house again this week too?”

“I will if those useless cocksuckers at the lumber yard ever
bring us the fucking bricks”, replied the little girl.

Free trip to texas

Posted on by admin

This real short guy from Michigan wins all expense trip to texas. He gets himself a horse, clothing, gun and holster along with a ten gallon hat. He pulls in front of this saloon and gets off his horse, being so short he walked right under it to tie it up. He slams open the saloon doors and asks for a beer playing the roll of a big shot. After a few beers he decided to leave and again slammed open the doors and walked under his horse but noticed his horses balls were painted yellow. This pissed him off so went into the bar and said which one of you big texans painted my horses balls yellow. This big texan looked down at him and said I did, what you going to do about it. The short guy replied, I just wanted you to know that the first coat is dry.

Banana Love Cake

Posted on by admin

Ingredients: 2 whole nuts, 1 large banana, 2 strong arms, 2 well
shaped legs, 1 fur lined mixing bowl, 4 loving eyes.
Mixing instructions: Look into eyes, part legs. Gently squeeze
milk jugs. Continue until bowl is well greased. Add banana, top
with nuts. Move in and out until cake is well creamed. Sigh with
relief, let cool. Do not lick the bowl. If cake starts to rise,
get out of town FAST!

Disabled Swimming Co

Posted on by admin

Three blokes enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs, and the third has no body, just a head.They all line up, the whistle blows and “splash” they’re all in the pool.The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.He pick up the head, swims back up to the surface and places it at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering. Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts:”Three long years I’ve spent learning to swim with my ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some prick puts a swimming cap on me !!”