One day a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were riding in a car when it broke
down i the middle of a desert. The best thing they could do was try to walk
towards civilization. SO the redhead said, ” I’m going to bring food so when I
get hungry, I can eat some.” The brunette said, “I’m going to bring water so
when I get thirsty, I can drink some.” then, the blonde said, “I’m going to
bring the car door so when I get hot, I can roll down the window!”
Author: admin
Male Translations
“No, really, I’m OK to drive.”
–I’m wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I am going home
with.
“I’m not used to these darts.”
–I’m not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I am this
bombed.
“You get this one, next round is on me.”
–We won’t be here long enough to get another round.
“I’ll get this one, next one is on you.”
–Happy hour is about to end…now drafts are a dollar, but by the next round
they’ll be $4.50 a pop.
“Let�s get out of here.”
–I just dumped a half a pitcher of beer into that Harley guy’s helmet.
“Can I get a glass of white zinfandel?”
–I’m gay.
“Ever try a body shot?” (Male to female)
–I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.
“I’ve had like 10 beers already.”
–I’ve only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way.
“Who’s got the next round?”
–I haven’t bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting
attention.
“Excuse Me.” (Male to female)
–I am going to grope you now.
“I’m out of here; I have to work in the morning.”
–I owe that guy who just walked in the door 100 bucks and have been avoiding
him since football season.
“What do you have on tap?”
–What’s cheap?
“Can I just get a glass of water?”
–It’s 6:00 am and I just stopped drinking 1/2 hour ago. Hell, I probably
dropped half of my paycheck in here last night, so it’s the least you can do for
me.
911 Operator
Two men were out in the woods hunting.
Suddenly, one of them clasped his chest, suffering from a heart attack.
Instantly, his friend whipped out his cell phone and dialed 9-1-1. When the operator came on, she heard a frantic voice say that his friend had just had a heart attack and died. Calmly, she replied that he should make sure that his friend was really dead. He said ok and asked her to hold. A few moments later, the operator heard a gunshot, followed by the man coming back on, confirming the death and asked what he had to do next.
What do you call two skunks in the 69 position?…
What do you call two skunks in the 69 position?
Oder Eaters.
Lightbulb
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, a man will screw anything.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Sleeping in the barn
A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds. They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn. After much discussion, the hindu volunteered to go to the barn. A few moments later, a knock on the bedroom door, and the hidu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow.Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered. a few moments later, a knock on the door. The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that he, being very orthodox, could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork.Finally the lawyer said that he would go to the barn. A few moments later there was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the pig!!!
Indian names
An Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face and asks, “Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?”
She told him, “Because he was conceived during a mighty storm.”
Then he asked, “Why is my sister named Cornflower?”
She replied, “Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her.”
“And why is my other sister called Moonchild?”
The mother said, “We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived.”
The mother paused and asked her son, “Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Top 10 Halloween Things…
Top 10 Halloween Things That Sound Dirty…
10. She’s a goblin!
9. I’d like to get a little something in the sack.
8. Let me see your bag….OH!-You’re having a great night!
7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
6. She’s got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch
5. If you just lick it, it’ll last longer.
4. Show me your JuJuBees and I’ll let you see my Zagnuts.
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth,
2. You scared me stiff!
1. He’s got Candy spread out on the living room floor!
Tough Mice
Three mice were sitting in a bar talking about how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says, “I play with mouse traps for fun. I’ll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times.” And with that he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says, “That’s nothing. I take those Decon tablets, cut them up and snort them just for the fun of it.” And with that he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams a shot, gets up and walks away.
The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, “Where the heck are you going?”
The third mouse stops and replies, “I’m going home to screw the cat.”
Egg, bacon
egg and bacon walk into a bar. bartender says “we dont serve breakfast here!”
Lady and a Dentist
A man and a woman met at a bar. They started getting along
really well and they decide to go to her place for a drink.
Some drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his
hands. He then took off his socks and washed his hands.
The woman looked at him and said, “You must be a dentist.”
Flabbergasted, the guy responded, “Why yes! That’s amazing; how
did you know that?”
The woman replied, “Real easy. You keep washing your hands.”
One thing leads to another, and they go to bed.
After the lovemaking, the woman remarked, “You must be a GREAT
dentist!”
The doctor was very surprised, and said, “Yes! Yes! I sure am a
great dentist. Wow! You amaze me! And how did you know THAT
sweetheart?”
The woman says: “Easy. I didn’t feel a thing.”
Little Johnny
And then there’s little Johnny who one night woke up to go the bathroom and passed by his parents door.
Noticing that the door was open a bit, he walked in only to see his mother performing oral sex on his dad.
Upon seeing this, little Johnny walks out and exclaims – “Hah!, they got nerve…they sent “ME” to the doctor for sucking my thumb!”