This blonde’s really dumb, and that’s what her husband thinks of
her,so one morning she gets up and thinks to herself “I’m gonna
prove to my husband I can do something good. Right, when he’s
gone I’m gonna paint the lounge.So off her husband goes to work
for the day and she gets to work painting the lounge.Well, when
her husband comes home that afternoon he opens the door and gets
this big whiff of a paint smell. “Oh no, what’s she done now?”
is his only thought as he walks to the lounge. He opens the
door,and there’s his wife,lying on the couch,with 2 big
fur coats on,sweating and shivering.He rushes over to her and
says, “honey, are you ok? What’s happened?” To which she
replies,”Yeah,I was all ready to paint the lounge and everything
and read the instructions and followed them. They said ‘For best
results, apply two coats.’
Author: admin
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.165. Make pancakes every morning, but don’t eat them. Draw faces on them, and toss them in the closet. Watch them for several hours each day. Complain to your roommate that your “pancake farm” isn’t evolving into a self-sufficient community. Confide in your roommate that you think the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes.
Helicopter Ride
A helicopter flying in the air had a rope attached to it. There were twenty girls hanging onto the rope, nineteen of them were blondes, one of the was a brunette.
One of the blondes says, One of us is going to have to let go of the rope.
The brunette says, I will, and then she makes a sad speech about how much she will miss her family and friends.
The blondes were so moved they began to applaude.
Your four-year-old is a member
Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
PIG!
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is drivingdown the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of thewindow and yells “PIG!!” The man immediately leans out of his window and shouts back “BITCH”They continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.If only men would learn to listen!!
A gut-wrenching fart story
A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or
nine years of marriage, his wife finally said, if you fart any
more, you’ll fart your guts out. Being a butcher, the wife
decided to put pig scraps in his pants so he would wake up, and
not do it anymore. She put the scraps in his pants that night.
He woke up in the morning and went across the hall to the
bathroom. Two long hours later, he came out and stated, honey,
you were right about me farting my guts out BUT WITH THE GRACE
OF THE DEAR LORD AND THESE TWO FINGERS. I GOT THEM BACK IN
THERE.
I can tell you’re lying.
I can tell you’re lying. Your lips are moving.
The picklejar joke
Theres this guy who sells knives by acsident he thruw a k nife down a building and it cuts of a guys dick and then the guys dick falls into green paint and i t fell into a pickle jar and a lady bought that jar she ate all of them and she came back and she said all those pickles where delicous especialy the hairy one.
Notice from the Noti
NOTICE:PLEASE NOTICE!!!!!You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice. And, we have noticed that some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable.It has been noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticeable. Therefore, this notice is to remind you to notice the notices and to respond to the notices because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed.From the Notice Committee for Noticing Notices
En cierta ocasi�n, un par
En cierta ocasi�n, un par de compadres que hac�a ya tiempo que no se ve�an se encontraron:
“Hola, compadre, �c�mo ha estado?”
“Muy bien”.
“Cu�nteme, �sigue trabajando en aquella carnicer�a donde le consegu� trabajo?”
“No, ya no. �Me corrieron al tercer d�a!”
“�Por qu�? �Pues qu� hizo?”
“Nada, que le met� el dedo a la rebanadora”.”
Asustado, el otro pregunta:
“�No la haga, compadre! �Y qu� le pas� en el dedo?”
“Pues a m� nada”.
“�Y a la rebanadora?”
“A ella tambi�n la corrieron”.
Your mama so fat..
your mamas so fat she stepped on a scale and it said YOU KNOW YOU DIDNT LOSE WEIGHT!!!!
Burning Bush
Thousands of people flock to the annual Burning Man festival in The Black Rock Desert north of Reno, Nevada. At this big hippie festival, people run around naked, drink and do drugs, or as George W. Bush likes to call it, get ready to run for President.