Dragging Harry

A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game.

As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p.m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway.

“What happened?” says the wife. “You should have been home hours ago!”

“Harry had a heart attack at the third hole,” replied the husband.

“Oh, that’s terrible,” says the wife.

“I know,” the husband answers. “All day long it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry…”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Soldier Standing at Attention?

One day a man was at work and his employee noticed that his fly
was open so she said, “Mr. Curtis, your bear store is open.”

He finally realized what she was talking about and decided to
have a little fun…. “When you noticed that my Bear Store was
open did you see a soldier standing at attention next to two
barrells or ammo?!” said Mr. Curtis.

“No I didn’t,” she replied, “I saw a handicapped veteran sitting
on some old duffle bags!”

No Cussing In Church

A man went to church one day and afterward he
stopped to shake the preacher’s hand. He said,
“Preacher, I’ll tell you WHAT, that was a damned
fine sermon. Damned good!”

The preacher said, “Thank you sir, but I’d
rather you didn’t use
that kind of language in the Lord’s House.

The man said, “I was so damned impressed with
that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering
plate!”

The preacher said, “No ediot?”

The Garden of Eden

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.”Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit.”They must be British.” “Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees.”They’re naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.””No clothes, no shelter,” the Russian points out, “they have only an apple to eat, and they’re being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are Russian.”

Advertising Campaigns Gone Bad

1. The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted
them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the
Spanish translation read “Are you lactating?”

2. Coors put its slogan, “Turn it loose,” into Spanish, where it was read as
“Suffer from diarrhea”.

3. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an
American campaign: “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux”.

4. Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick”, a curling iron, into German only to
find out that “mist” is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the
manure stick”.

5. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same
packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned
that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what’s inside,
since many people can’t read.

6. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a
notorious porno magazine.

7. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market
which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the
shirts read “I saw the potato” (la papa).

10. Frank Perdue’s chicken slogan, “it takes a strong man to make a tender
chicken” was translated into Spanish as “it takes an aroused man to make a
chicken affectionate”.

11. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed
to have read, “it won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you”. Instead, the
company thought that the word “embarazar” (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so
the ad read: “It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant”.

In Too Deep

There was a couple going at it for the first time, and they were going at it for a while when the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider. She does and they continue.

A few minutes go by and he asks her again, “open your legs a little wider”.

She does, then he asks again, “a little wider hun”.

The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it. Till finally he asks again, “Can you open them just a little wider?”

So she finally yells “what are you trying to do get your balls in too?”

He says “no, I’m trying to get them out.”

Escaped Convict

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy night-gown, and whispered, “Honey, this guy hasn`t seen a woman in years.Just co-operate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it.””Dear,” the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, “I`m so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice ass.”

Money gram

Once there was this guy from Texas who took a vacation to Los Angeles. While there, he met up with a hooker.

He got down & dirty with her.

Afterwards, the hooker said: “$100 dollars.”

The guy said: “No, here is $200.”

Hooker responded: “You’re so kind.”

Some days pass, and the guy met up with the same hooker again and had sex again.

Hooker asked for $100, but the guy again says: “No, here’s $200.”

Hooker says: “You’re so kind.”

More days pass, and the guy met up with the hooker one last time to have sex.

Hooker says: “$100, please.”

The guy slaps her and hands her $200.

Hooker says: “Man, you’re so kind. Where are you from?”

Guy says: “I’m from Texas.”

The hooker says: “I am from there too.”

The guy says: “I know, your mom sent me to give you $600.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

I Feel Like a Marine

Two nuns decide they’re going to sneak out of the convent and have a real night on the town. They hit all the bars and dance clubs, and decide they’ve finally got to head back to the convent.

To enter the convent’s grounds they have to crawl under some barbed wire. The nuns start crawling under the wire on their bellies.

As they’re crawling under the wire, the first nun turns to the second and says, “I feel like a Marine.”

The second replies, “Yeah, me too, but where can you find one this time of night?”

The mad man and the pastor

A mad man has been in a certain church for almost two years,if not that he is mad, he would have been one of the sunday school teachers, some of the members dislike him,because he normaly disturbe when they are praying,but they take it that he is mad so they do not sack him from the church,b`cos he has been in the church for a long time.
one day there was revival in the church, the area head call for those who are suffering from any disease,should come forward for special prayers and deliverance,two men came forward followed by the mad man,the church member were happy to see the mad man joining the two men,for the prayers,b`cos why he got to know that he is mad.
the first man went and the doctor asked him his problem,and he said,he is suffering from (GONO),so the pastor put his hand on the man`s something,and said, i wash this in the blood of Jesus,and i dip it in the blood of Jesus,and he told the man to go and sit down.
he called the other man and asked him his problem,the man open his leg,come and see the whole church smelling,b`cos the man is having a very big wound on his leg,and the leg is even rotting,the pastor hold the leg with his hankerchief on his nose,saying i put this leg in the blood of Jesus,then told the man to cover it and to go and sit down. He the called the mad man,he did not asked the mad man his problem,but he said to the mad man that,you! is your head which is killing you,so he hold the head of the mad man and said,i put this head in the blood of Jee..the mad man did not allowed the pastor to finised and he removed his head from the hand of the pastor,and said to the pastor,dont put my head in that blood of Jesus that you want to say,are you out of your mind,or have you fogoting that you put that rotting leg in that blood,and you are to put my head in that same blood,put my head in in another person`s blood but not in Jesus blood,you hear

by Ek kobeah
pharmceutical chem.
KNUST