Category: other

The other day I saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. I was feeling
particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir
performance followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and
put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience that
followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord, and how good He is… and I didn’t notice that the light
had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t
honked, I’d never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why,
while I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and
then he leaned out of his window and screamed, “For the love of GOD! GO, GO!!
Jesus Christ, GO!!” What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone
started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling
at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the
love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a “sunny beach”…I saw another guy waving in a funny
way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage son
what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or
something. Well, I’ve never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign back. My son burst out laughing…why even HE
was enjoying this religious experience! A couple of the people were so caught up
in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking
towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed, so I waved one more time to my loving
brothers and sisters, grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed
I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed
again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them all after all the love we
had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all
the Hawaiian good luck sign one more time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for
such wonderful folks.

One night this boy named jacob had brung a girl over named jessica. jacob had a brother the two brothers slept in bunck beds the smaller boy slept on the bottom.jessica and jacob both wanted to have sex but didnt want the little boy to know.so,jacob said to jessica to say lettuce if she wants it harder and tamato if she wants it softer.All you could here was “lettuce,tomato,lettuce,tomato,lettuce,tomato!”

the little boy at the bottom of the bunck said”stop making sandwitchs your getting mayonase all over me!”.

Q: Who were Jenna and Barbara Bush with when they got caught by the police? A: Their uncle Anheuser

There where three girls, Kim, Leia, and Sarah. They where all in
a car accident. They all lined up at the gate to heaven. The guy
at the gate says,”Dont step on a green cloud.” So one day Sarah
and Kim were sun-bathing. Leia comes back with a really ugly guy
and says,”Dont step on a green cloud.” The next day Leia and
Sarah were sun-bathing. Kim comes back with a really ugly guy
and says,”Don’t step on a green cloud.” One day Leia and Kim
were sun-bathing. Sarah comes back with a really hot guy. The
guy says,”Don’t step on a green cloud!”

A father walks into the bathroom and catches his son masturbating.

�Dammit, son!� he yells. �How many times have I told you not to do that? If you don�t stop, you�re going to go blind!�

The son replies, �I�m over here, Dad.�

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

The new fashion for girls now includes risqu� anagrams made up of the company name. For example FRENCH CONNECTION UNITED KINGDOM? (F.C.U.K) How long I wonder before the following appear�.

CLOTHING UNITED TRADING NATIONAL (C.U.T.N)
WOMENS ATTIRE KHAKI NEVADA (W.A.K.N)
CLOTHING ORGANISATION KOREAN CORPORATION (C.O.K.C)
SWEDISH HABEDASHERY TRADING INTERNATIONAL (S.H.T.I)
CORPORATE LICENSE TRADING INCORPORATED (C.L.T.I)
� G M

What’s better than winning the special olympics?

Walking

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back,
the bride immediately called her mother.
“Well, how was the honeymoon?” asked the mother.

“Oh mamma!” she exclaimed. “The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!” No
sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying. “But mamma . . . as
soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He’s been
saying things I’ve never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You’ve
got to come get me and take me home… please mamma!”

“Now Sarah . . .” her mother answered. “Calm down! Tell me, what could be so
awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?”

“Please don’t make me tell you, mamma.� wept the daughter. “I’m so
embarrassed! They’re just too awful! You’ve got to come get me and take me
home… please mamma!”

“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset . . . Tell your mother
these horrible 4-letter words!”

Still sobbing, the bride replied, “Oh, mamma . . . words like dust, wash,
iron, and cook!”

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. “How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather trustingly.

“Well,” she said, responding very carefully, “I’d have to say I would like it infrequently.”

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then, looking at her over his glasses, he gazed into her eyes, asking optimistically, “Was that one word or two?”

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you!

Did you hear about the new Mike Tyson Computer? It has two bytes and no memory.

Why did God make niggers stink? So blind people can hate them too.