Santa, a dumb blonde and a smart blonde ran a race. Who won?
Santa flys, not runs, there aren’t any smart blondes, so the dumb blonde it must be!
Category: blondes
Doctor, Doctor
One day this Blonde walked into her doctors office.
“Doctor, Doctor I’m having these awlful pains in my back.”
“Well let me take a look.”
When the doctor looked he had a look of suprise on his face.
“This is amazing.”
What is is doctor?”
“I didn’t know that the new Toyotas had ribbed leather rear seating!”
What type of prize did you win?
A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, “I won a motor home! I won a motor home!”The waitress runs over and argues, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!”The blonde replies, “No. I won a motor home!”By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, “You couldn’t possibly have won a motor home because we didn’t have that as one of our prizes.”Again the blonde says, “There is no mistake! I won a motor home!” The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, “WIN A BAGEL.”
Hello……….
A blonde with two red ears went to the doctor.
The doctor asked her “WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO YOUR EARS?”
The blonde replied “i was ironing when the phone rang-but instead of picking up the phone i picked up the iron!”
“Oh Dear” Exclaimed the doctor in disbelief.
“but what happened to the other one?”
the blonde exclaimed “the son of a bitch called back”!!!
Breathalyzer
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding.
He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.
The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.
“I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’am. Could I see your drivers license?”
“What’s a license?” replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
“It’s usually in your wallet,” replied the officer.
After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.
“Now may I see your registration?” asked the cop.
“Registration….. what’s that….?” asked the blonde.
“It’s usually in your glove compartment,” said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” said the cop and walked back to his car.
The officer called in to the dispatch to run a check on the woman’s license and registration.
After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, “Ummm… is this woman driving a red sports car?”
“Yes.” replied the officer
“Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?” asked the dispatcher.
“Uh… yes.” replied the cop.
“Here’s what you do,” said the dispatcher. “give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.”
“What? I can’t do that. Its… inappropriate.” exclaimed the cop.
“Trust me. Just do it.” said the dispatcher.
So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.
The blonde looks down and sighs….. “Ohh no… not another breathalyzer……”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
The 6 o’clock News
A blonde and a redhead are watching the 6 o’clock news one
evening. The redhead bets the blonde $50 that the man in the
lead story, who is threatening to jump from a 40 story building,
will jump. “I’ll take that bet.” The blonde replied.
A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to report that the
man had, indeed, jumped form the building. The redhead, feeling
sudden guilt for having bet on such an incident, turns to the
blonde and tells her that she does not need to pay the $50.
No, a bet’s a bet,” the blonde replies, “I owe you $50 dollars.”
The redhead, feeling even more guilty, replies “No, you don’t
understand, I saw the 5:30 edition, so I knew how it was going
to turn out.”
“That’s okay!” The blonde replies, “I saw it earlier too, but I
didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of
higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Wave
Q)How do you get a blonde out of a tree?
A)Wave
Q)What do you call a slut without a brain?
A)A blonde
Q)Why did the chicken cross the road?
A)To get away from the blonde
Q)What do you do when a blonde dies?
A)Laugh
The elevator
A businessman approached the elevator in his office building and found a blonde sitting on the floor next to the elevator doors, crying. When he inquired what was wrong, she replied “my remote won’t open the doors, I can’t get out!”. He looked down to see her holding her car’s remote door opener in her hand!
3 stranded women
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island. they reallize their only chance of survival is to swim 500 meters to shore so the redhead tries first but only gets 200 meters and drowns, then the brunette tries and gets 300 meters and drowns, finally the blonde gives it a go she gets 250 meters out and says,” O crap its too far!” then she swims back to the island.
Flight to New York
A beautiful, well-dressed blonde seats herself in the first class cabin on a
cross-country flight, and settles her in for the trip, smiling prettily at
admiring passengers seated around her.
Underway, a flight attendant soon approaches the blonde and says, ‘Miss, I’m
sorry, but I see that your ticket is for coach, and you’re seated in first
class; I’m afraid you’ll have to move.’
The blonde replies, ‘I’m blonde, and I’m beautiful, and I’m going to New York
to be a model.’
Slightly incredulous, the attendant alerts the senior flight attendant.
The senior attendant approaches the blonde and says, politely,’I’m sorry,
Miss, but since your ticket is for coach, you’ll have to move back.’
The blonde replies, sweetly, ‘I’m Blonde, and I’m beautiful, and I’m going to
New York to be a model’ — and shows no signs of moving.
Frustrated, the senior attendant informs the captain, and he says he’ll deal
with the problem. He turns over flight control, walks to the rear, and observes
the blonde seated comfortably in first class.
Approaching her with a smile, the captain leans over and speaks quietly into
the blonde’s ear. Almost immediately, the blonde gathers her things, gets up,
and moves quickly to the coach compartment.
Amazed, the senior flight attendant asks the captain, ‘Captain, I’m impressed
… what did you say to her?’
The captain grinned slyly and said, ‘I just told her that the first class
cabin doesn’t go to New York.’
A bunch of blonde jokes…
What do you call an eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First
Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours, they saw a sign that said “Disneyland left.” So they turned around and went home.
What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
Oh,look, Daddy….doughnut seeds!
Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
Why can’t blondes dial 911?
They can’t find the 11 on the phone.
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she’s got a grenade in her mouth!
How can you tell if a blonde’s been using your computer?
There is white-out all over the monitor.
Why shouldn’t blondes have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
A blonde and a brunnette were walking outside when the brunnette said,”Oh, look at the dead bird.” The blonde looked skyward and said, “Where? Where?”
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.
Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
How do you get a twinkle in a blonde’s eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Hear about the blonde who got an AM radio?
Took her a month to figure out she could play it at night.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey team?
They drowned during spring training.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
“Duh! Look! They spelled Macy’s wrong!”
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Tuesday.
Why are blonde’s boobs always square?
Because they forget to take the kleenex out of the box.