Category: blondes

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their chequebook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch, where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, ”When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, ”I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, ” It’s just 99 cents a word.” Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, ”I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.”’ The telegraph operator shakes his head. ”How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable?'”

The brunette explains, ”My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it slow.”

Three women are about to be executed. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead, and one’s a blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, “Ready!…Aim!! …”

Suddenly the brunette yells, “EARTHQUAKE!!!” Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, “Ready! … Aim!!…”

Suddenly the redhead yells, “TORNADO!!!” Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! … Aim!! …”

…and the blonde yells, “FIRE!!!”

what do you call three blondes at christmas?
ho ho ho

a blonde a brunette and a redhaed are running from the cops.Finally the cops surrond them in a barn. So the brunette jumps in next to the cows, the redhead jumps in next to the chickens, and the blonde jumps into a sack of potatoes….so then the police go to the cows and ask “is anyone here?” So the brunette says “mooo…” Then the redhead goes to the chickens and askes “is anyone here?” So the redhead says “cluck cluck cluck…” But then the police get yo the sack of potatoes and ask “is anyone here?” And so the blonde says”p-o-t-a-t-o-e”…lol..

Q: Superman, A Priest, and a smart blonde jump off a bridge. Who hits the bottom first?

A: The priest. There is no such thing as superman or a smart blonde.

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the brunette, “Jump! Jump! It’s your only chance to survive!”

The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

“C’mon! Jump! You gotta jump!” say the firemen to the redhead.

“Oh no! You’re gonna pull the blanket away!” says the redhead.

“No! It’s brunettes we can’t stand! We’re OK with redheads!”

“OK,” says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, “Jump! You have to jump!”

“No way! You’re just gonna pull the blanket away!” yelled the blonde.

“No! Really! You have to jump! We won’t pull the blanket away!”

“Look,” the blonde says. “Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you’re not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it…”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by curtis and yisman

What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?

Perri-air

How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her on the middle of a war and say duck!

How does the blonde confuse you?
1. Says “where””!
2. Comes back alive!

How does an Iraqi blonde (died hair) confuse you?
Tells you “”we won the war””

“

There was a red head, a brunette, and a blonde all in an adults only erotic shop.The red head walks up to the counter and tells the man that she would like the red vibrator.He takes it down off the shelf and says “ok that’ll be twenty dollars.” She pays and goes off on her merry way.The brunette walks up to the man and says that she would like the yellow vibrator.He take the yellow one off the shelf and says “ok, miss, that’ll be twenty dollars.”She pays and goes off on her merry way.The blonde walks over to the man blushes and says “yes, sir, I would like the plaid one please.” The man turns around to see the “plaid vibrator” and smiling, says “that’ll be 75 dollars.”The blonde pays and goes off on her merry way.The owner of the store comes in and asks the man how the sales were that day.He replies, “Well, I sold a red and a yellow vibrator for 20 dollars each, and i sold your thermos to some lady for 75 bucks!”submitted by: Emily

Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that “love handles” referred to her ears?

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off.

A guy was running for an elevator and he stuck his hand in to
stop the doors, and the doors opened. Inside stood a blonde. He
said, “Good morning, which floor are you going to?” She
responded, “3rd floor.” He pushed the 3rd floor button, plus the
5th floor for himself.

As the elevator started moving the gentleman struck up a
conversation and asked the blonde where she was going. She said,
“I’m going to the blood bank on the 3rd floor; I donate blood
once a week for $10 to supplement my income.” Then she asked the
gentleman where he was going. He responded, “I’m going to the
sperm bank on the 5th floor; I donate sperm there once a week
for $50 to supplement my income”.

The next week the same scenario happens. He stopped the elevator
doors with his hand, the doors opened and the blonde was
standing inside. He smiled and greeted her and asked if she was
going to the 3rd floor? The lady responded in a garbled tone (as
if she had something in her mouth), “No 5th floor first.”