Category: blondes

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

A: A mosquito quits sucking after you hit it.

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease.

“Would you mind telling me, Doctor,” she asked, “how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?”

“That’s easy,” he replied. “You ask them a simple question which everyone should be able to answer with no trouble. If they hesitate, that puts you on the right track.”

“What sort of question would you ask Doctor?”

“Well, you might ask them…”
“Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them.
Which one?”

The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh –
“You wouldn’t happen to have another example would you?”
“I must confess I don’t know much about history.”
(DOH!)

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the brunette, “Jump! Jump! It’s your only chance to survive!”

The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

“C’mon! Jump! You gotta jump!” say the firemen to the redhead.

“Oh no! You’re gonna pull the blanket away!” says the redhead.

“No! It’s brunettes we can’t stand! We’re OK with redheads!”

“OK,” says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, “Jump! You have to jump!”

“No way! You’re just gonna pull the blanket away!” yelled the blonde.

“No! Really! You have to jump! We won’t pull the blanket away!”

“Look,” the blonde says. “Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you’re not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it…”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by curtis and yisman

what do you call three blondes at christmas?
ho ho ho

a blonde a brunette and a redhaed are running from the cops.Finally the cops surrond them in a barn. So the brunette jumps in next to the cows, the redhead jumps in next to the chickens, and the blonde jumps into a sack of potatoes….so then the police go to the cows and ask “is anyone here?” So the brunette says “mooo…” Then the redhead goes to the chickens and askes “is anyone here?” So the redhead says “cluck cluck cluck…” But then the police get yo the sack of potatoes and ask “is anyone here?” And so the blonde says”p-o-t-a-t-o-e”…lol..

Q: Superman, A Priest, and a smart blonde jump off a bridge. Who hits the bottom first?

A: The priest. There is no such thing as superman or a smart blonde.

There was a red head, a brunette, and a blonde all in an adults only erotic shop.The red head walks up to the counter and tells the man that she would like the red vibrator.He takes it down off the shelf and says “ok that’ll be twenty dollars.” She pays and goes off on her merry way.The brunette walks up to the man and says that she would like the yellow vibrator.He take the yellow one off the shelf and says “ok, miss, that’ll be twenty dollars.”She pays and goes off on her merry way.The blonde walks over to the man blushes and says “yes, sir, I would like the plaid one please.” The man turns around to see the “plaid vibrator” and smiling, says “that’ll be 75 dollars.”The blonde pays and goes off on her merry way.The owner of the store comes in and asks the man how the sales were that day.He replies, “Well, I sold a red and a yellow vibrator for 20 dollars each, and i sold your thermos to some lady for 75 bucks!”submitted by: Emily

What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?

Perri-air

How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her on the middle of a war and say duck!

How does the blonde confuse you?
1. Says “where””!
2. Comes back alive!

How does an Iraqi blonde (died hair) confuse you?
Tells you “”we won the war””

“

Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that “love handles” referred to her ears?

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off.

A guy was running for an elevator and he stuck his hand in to
stop the doors, and the doors opened. Inside stood a blonde. He
said, “Good morning, which floor are you going to?” She
responded, “3rd floor.” He pushed the 3rd floor button, plus the
5th floor for himself.

As the elevator started moving the gentleman struck up a
conversation and asked the blonde where she was going. She said,
“I’m going to the blood bank on the 3rd floor; I donate blood
once a week for $10 to supplement my income.” Then she asked the
gentleman where he was going. He responded, “I’m going to the
sperm bank on the 5th floor; I donate sperm there once a week
for $50 to supplement my income”.

The next week the same scenario happens. He stopped the elevator
doors with his hand, the doors opened and the blonde was
standing inside. He smiled and greeted her and asked if she was
going to the 3rd floor? The lady responded in a garbled tone (as
if she had something in her mouth), “No 5th floor first.”