Category: blondes

A blonde walks into a shoe shop looking for some crocodile shoes
at rediculous prices.
The blonde eyes a pair and waves for the
manager of the shop to come over.”I want these shoes for half
price,” she said flatly.”I’m sorry madam, but there are no sales
on today,” said the manager.”well fine,”she said.”Ill go and get
my own pair.” And she took off with a “HUMPH!”
The manager was
driving home that afternoon and saw the blonde in Lake
Crocodile. She was standing there with a rifle in her hand, her
dress rolled up, and at least 15 crocks lined up on the side. He
got out and sttod next to his car to catch the blonde firing the
rifle madly.
Suddenly, she dragged a huge crock out of the
water. She put it on the bank, turned it over and screamed out
in fury.”THIS ONE ISNT WEARING SHOES EITHER!”

You tell her that theres a “scratch and snif” sticker on the bottom of the pool

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.”

She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.”

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”

How do you kill a blonde? Drop a m&m off the top of Warsington monument and he/she will dive after it.

Q. Santa Claus, a smart blonde, and a brunette made a bet as to who would hit the ground first if they all jumped off a bridge at the same time. Who do you think hit first?

A. The brunette won because the other two people are fictional.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
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A: Tell her a joke on Monday.

What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? The more you bang it, the looser it gets!

There was blonde rowing a boat in a field,another blonde drove by stopped and said its blondes like you that give us a bad name—if i could swim i would come out there and kick your ass

How many blonde jokes are there?

Only two or three, the others are real stories.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing

A dumb blonde is driving and see`s a tree,so she swurves to the right,she see`s another tree,she swurves again,she see`s ANOTHER tree,so she swurves again,a cop pulled her over and said”Lady you need to stop swurving your gonna get yourself hurt”and the dumb blonde said”but I keep seeing trees”,and the cop said”Lady……..thats a car freshener”

There was a beautiful young blonde at a soda machine in Vegas, and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst.She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine.Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke.As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man, who’d been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up.”Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?”She looked at him and indignantly asked, “Well Duh! Can’t you see I’m still winning?”

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.