Category: blondes

Two blondes got in their car and went to Disney World. They came to a four-way intersection. The sign said DISNEY WORLD LEFT. So the blondes turned around and went home.

There was a typical blond. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day she decided to get makeover. She cut and dyed her hair brunette and went driving down a country road, searching for someone who would appreciate her for her intelligence. When she came across a herd of sheep, she stopped and called the shepherd over.”That’s a nice flock of sheep,” she said.”Well thank you,” said the herder. “Tell you what, I have a proposition for you,” said the woman.”If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?” “Sure,” agreed the Shepherd. So the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied: “382”. “Wow,” said the shepherd.”That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home.”So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Then the herder said: “Okay, now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess the real colour of your hair, can I have my dog back?”

A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex).

She walks up to the pharmacist and asks, “How much for a box of rubbers?”

“They’re $1 for a box of 3,” he replied, “Plus 6 cents for the tax.”

“Oh,” said the blonde, “I wondered how they kept them on.”

1) I just threw up!

2) You look just like a hooker I know in Detroit.

3) Miss, if you’ve lost your virginity, can I have the package it came in?

4) Hey baby! You look like you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

5) I’ve had quite a bit to drink, and your beginning to look pretty good.

6) Hello Susie! Your mom couldn’t make it this afternoon so she asked me to pick you up. My what a pretty dress!

7) Your face or mine?

8) Nice dress, could I talk you out of it?

9) I want to floss with your pubic hair.

10) I’d look good on you.

11) Excuse me. Have I fucked you yet?

12) Somebody farted! Lets get out of here.

A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs.

“Here we go again.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

This guy is just starting off his career as a ventriliquist and he’s going around town looking for a job. He finds one at a local nightclub.

So, on his first night, he’s going through his normal routine of blonde jokes. All of a sudden, this blonde stands up in the fourth row and says, “Excuse me, mister, but no physical attribute of mine affects my mental capability!”

The guy is flabbergasted. He stands up and tries to apologize, but is cut off when she says, –

“You stay out of this, mister. I’m not talking to you, I’m talking to that jerk on your knee!”

Ok, so there are three girls on a sinking island, there is another island 20 miles away, the three girls are a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette swims 5 miles and drowns. the redhead swims 11 miles and drowns. The blonde swims 19 miles, gets tired and swims back to the sinking island! (Idiot.)

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.

Q. What do you do whan a Blonde throws a pin at you?

A. Run, because she’s got a grenade in the other hand

Why does a blonde only change diaper on her baby once a month?
….
Because it says good for up to 20 pounds

A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse’s tail and our friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn’t tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.